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Thread: Is there a chance he's really busy/not into texting?

  1. #1
    Member lolap's Avatar
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    Is there a chance he's really busy/not into texting?

    I met a guy on the online app, and normally I talk to guys before meeting up, but this time we went straight to picking time and date to meet up. He initiated, but I liked his profile and went with it. The date went well, it was just a first one, and it didn't last long, we didn't overshare or kiss, but both seemed to enjoy ourselves, the conversation was flowing and we laughed quite a bit. He paid at the end and offered to drive me home, which I agreed to. No words were said about a next date. Also, I knew that he would be leaving for a few days, so I didn't expect a date to happen soon.

    The following day, when I didn't receive a message from him, I decided that even if he didn't like me enough to text me, I still wanted to thank him for a nice evening. I texted him in the afternoon thanking him for a fun night and wishing him a nice trip. He replied a couple hours later, to my surprise saying that he also enjoyed himself and that we could hang out before his trip, he offered to cook for me (which was a part of a joke from the first date).

    I replied a few hours later saying yes to his offer and asking when he was leaving. He only replied the following day, suggesting a day, but also saying that he was getting busier than anticipated. With that schedule he wasn't sure anymore.. To that I asked him to let me know for sure the same night so that I could plan, and he replied that it would have to wait, because he'd probably finish work late. I wished him a good night. He didn't reply.

    A FEW QUESTIONS/OBSERVATIONS HERE:
    - he didn't text me first;
    - he did suggest the next date, BUT cancelled it, even though he was in town for a couple more days;
    - didn't set a firm date for when he returns;
    - didn't reply to my last message.

    A week after that I decided to message him.. because I felt like it :) so I asked him how his trip was going. He replied right away, and the answers were pretty short. I initially found them to be sweet nonetheless, and responded with another question and comment. He replied in a joking manner and responded to my question, BUT didn't ask me anything in return!!!

    That happened today and I just didn't reply.

    So now, my question is.. Is it possible that he is truly too busy to have a more two-sided conversation with me? Or that he might be not into texting with people who he only met once? The reason why I ask this is because there is another guy from the app that's been texting me a lot. I keep cancelling our dates, so we haven't met yet, and I think that part of the reason is all the texting. I think I might prefer the minimum communication over texts, mostly using it to arrange for dates at this stage. However, I doubt that the first guy could still be interested in me and letting me forget about him for such a long time. If he's not sure yet, that's fine. But does his behaviour clearly indicates disinterest?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    He doesnít seem very interested in dating or in putting any effort into planning something with you.... whatever the reason is I would be nexting him and moving on. Life is too short to spend time with someone that isnít into you.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    After one meet many people are still meeting others. He sounds marginally interested so continue to meet and date others. Stop contacting for now. See what happens when he returns. If he doesn't reach out without you prompting him, let it go.

    Next time do not let strangers drive you home and avoid in-home dates for the second meet. Go out on dates for a while and do not treat it as a relationship after meeting only a few hours.

  4. #4
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    I think you should go ahead and meet the other guy. Don't turn down plans because you're hoping this first guy comes around. He may never. I can't say if he's super busy or disinterested, but one has to wonder why he's not behaving the same as you regarding trying to get a date planned if he's just as excited about you. If I'm excited about someone, I would be like you, trying to prioritize seeing this guy on the weekend, and pushing back anyone I'm not as interested in to second. But when you're not getting texts or plans, you could very well end up with nobody or doing nothing. Don't prioritize this guy you only met once. If he comes around, he comes around, but put your dating life on hold in the meantime.

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  6. #5
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    As the saying goes ďdonít put all your eggs in one basketĒ

    At this point you only had an introduction / meet with him. Not a date.
    The whole point of meeting someone from online is to see IF that person is someone you would like to go on a date with and vice versa. From that point on, itís not much different than meeting someone in real life.
    You have yet to have a first date with him.
    Why on earth would you agree to a first date at his home?

    Anyway, you have initiated all contact so far, Iím guessing he is open to more meets with others and you should be too.
    So, get out there, meet others , in future donít ask a guy to confirm a date and donít not plan anything else unless he confirms it, because he is not and should not be your priority, if he leaves it too late to lock something in, you simply apologise but you canít make it as have other plans. You can suggest an alternate date that suits you.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I wouldn't be so quick to go into the cars or homes of strangers. That's not a safe practice.

    I'd spend less time analyzing any particular guy and focus instead on continuing to meet people until you find good simpatico that sticks. If this guy returns and offers another date, accept, but keep it as a public meeting until you get to know him better. Research more about online dating to learn 'why'.

  8. #7
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    Did you forget to say thank you on the date? My sense is that you did and the thank you text was sent after you didn't hear from him to test his level of interest -it's obvious to him too. Not the end of the world just shows him that you are VERY interested and hoping he asks you out for a real first date. Then you agreed to go to his home for the first official date so he can "cook" for you - after getting in his car after the first time you met him (which I personally would not do - too risky).

    Please be more honest with yourself -you didn't text him because you felt like it -you texted him because you hadn't heard from him and were concerned that it meant he was no longer interested -and he knows that, too.

    So- he didn't ask you out for a first date at the end of the first meet -no issue at all - many don't despite being very interested - but then you sent him a "thank you" text (and defintely a good move if you forgot your manners and didn't thank him for paying and for the lift -but I can't imagine you'd forget to thank him with all of that), and then you agreed to "hang out" at his house. His impression likely is that you are overeager and up for a casual hook up. I don't think that's the impression you want to make and I think you need to put more thought into how you navigate the dance that is dating. Don't indulge in "oh I just feel like texting him so I will" or 'I know, I can send him a thank you text and see if that motivates him to ask me out". Show a new person that you have a fun, fulfilling life and are reasonably secure and that you are available and interested in seeing people who value your time and who are interested in putting in the effort to plan a time/place date.

    As far as the other guy -if you keep cancelling first meets you're sending the message that you're a bit flaky/not that interested. That's a different scenario entirely.

    I think this has nothing to do with texting as a form of communication. Basic stuff -people move towards pleasure and away from pain. If this guy wanted to see you again he would make it happen whether text, phone, email, telegram (yes telegram -how my sister's now ex husband asked her out for a second date - after they met through a personal ad). In the 1980s a guy I met through a friend one night over a casual dinner tracked down the place I worked, looked it up the old fashioned way, only knew my first name, and called me at work (only way he could reach me at that point) to ask me out on a date. We dated for a year - really good person. That's what interested people do. My husband made a plan to see me two weeks in advance for our first official date because he was going out of town and wanted to make sure I'd be free on a Saturday night. At the time I had no cell phone. He kept in touch by calling just about every night and emailing once or twice a day. For example.

  9. #8
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    You're coming across way too over-eager OP.

    Stop chasing him and give him a chance to put forth some effort.

    No he's not "too busy" he's lukewarm at best.

    Men who are interested are never too busy to reach out! And those men who say they are are full of cr**.

    Keep busy meeting and dating, so you won't become overly anxious in the meantime.

    Give him a chance to wonder about you! It builds attraction.

  10. #9
    Member lolap's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by maew
    He doesnít seem very interested in dating or in putting any effort into planning something with you.... whatever the reason is I would be nexting him and moving on. Life is too short to spend time with someone that isnít into you.
    Yes, I've "nexted" him by not replying to his lukewarm messages to me, which didn't even require a response. Completely agree with you!

  11. #10
    Member lolap's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    After one meet many people are still meeting others. He sounds marginally interested so continue to meet and date others. Stop contacting for now. See what happens when he returns. If he doesn't reach out without you prompting him, let it go.

    Next time do not let strangers drive you home and avoid in-home dates for the second meet. Go out on dates for a while and do not treat it as a relationship after meeting only a few hours.
    Thank you for replying! I don't think I treated it as a relationship, but the fact that I'm here asking these questions shows that I did take it a little close to heart :). I thought about your advice to not get into strangers' and have to agree! My agreeing to go to to his house was also not ideal. It's best to have stricter rules!

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