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Thread: ****Is keeping pictures of a longterm ex on Facebook appropriate?****

  1. #31
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    If it were to happen to me, I would simply tell him how seeing the pics every time I open his page makes me feel, in a calm and respectful way, and let him decide.
    "So this completely harmless picture you posted years ago... it makes me feel like crap."

    Naw. That's not how you treat people. You own your insecurities and deal with them yourself before using "communication" as an excuse to charge someone else with the responsibility to do so. Or find someone with whom you don't have to resolve it. Either one is fair.

    And even for the OP's sake, OP admits it'd been brought up multiple times and it was once it was one time too many that the girlfriend essentially and rightfully said to shove it.

  2. #32
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I foresee a lot of fights in your future Nickle. I think you not putting photos away of her has more to do with not being over her.
    You seem very defensive about wanting to keep pics around.
    Don't do that to another woman...remain single if you want to keep some kind of connection to your ex via pics.

    Kat, you have made a lot of excellent points in this thread. I agree with many of them. Very well written, very well thought out. YOu made the most sense to me so far.

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    "So this completely harmless picture you posted years ago... it makes me feel like crap."

    Naw. That's not how you treat people. You own your insecurities and deal with them yourself before using "communication" as an excuse to charge someone else with the responsibility to do so. Or find someone with whom you don't have to resolve it. Either one is fair.

    And even for the OP's sake, OP admits it'd been brought up multiple times and it was once it was one time too many that the girlfriend essentially and rightfully said to shove it.
    Good lordy, I would never approach it like that, give me some credit please! And for the umpteenth time, it's not about insecurity for me. It's about my (and his) need for privacy and respect for each other and our relationship.

    Nor is it about me searching back and finding a years-old photo and feeling like crap about it. Hardly.

    If you can't understand that, or it doesn't work for you, then that is your prerogative and perfectly OK.

    In any event, this is how I choose to conduct my relationships, I have found a bf who feels the same, I don't get all these judgments re how I and my bf personally choose to do things.

    I don't judge how anyone else chooses to do what works for them, I respect everyone's right to conduct their relationships, including what they choose to post or not post on FB, however they choose, whatever works for them and their partner.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-03-2019 at 05:57 PM.

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    I foresee a lot of fights in your future Nickle. I think you not putting photos away of her has more to do with not being over her.
    You seem very defensive about wanting to keep pics around.
    Don't do that to another woman...remain single if you want to keep some kind of connection to your ex via pics.

    Kat, you have made a lot of excellent points in this thread. I agree with many of them. Very well written, very well thought out. YOu made the most sense to me so far.
    Thank you Sherry!!! I very much appreciate your saying that.

  5.  

  6. #35
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    To make it as simple as possible, I don't think it's wrong for someone to not like having their current partner to keep old pics of exs around.
    I don't find it a bad thing and I don't think they are "weak" or "insecure".
    I feel it's a preference and its what works for them.

    The other partner can either agree or they can break up over it. Really...it's a form of being incompatible and neither party should feel like they have to change if they don't want to.

    I'm on the side of not being cool with old pics hanging about.
    I don't see the point and yes, I do find it disrespectful. That's MY right and how I wish for MY relationship to go.
    I would either have to find a partner who agreed on that point or move on.

    Not much more to it than that.

  7. #36
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Good lordy, I would never approach it like that, give me some credit please! And for the umpteenth time, it's not about insecurity for me. It's about my (and his) need for privacy and respect for each other and our relationship.

    If you can't understand that, or it doesn't work for you, then that is your prerogative and perfectly OK.

    In any event, this is how I choose to conduct my relationships, I have found a bf who feels the same, I don't get all these counters to how I personally choose to do things.

    I don't counter how anyone else chooses to do what works for them, I respect everyone's right to conduct their relationships, including what they choose to post or not post on FB, however they choose, whatever works for them and their partner.
    It's because there is no reason-based argument for old pictures on facebook inferring a lack of respect for privacy or the relationship. How does that conversation go?

    OP: "I feel this picture disrespects our privacy and our relationship?"
    GF: "But I do respect our privacy and our relationship."
    OP: "I disagree??"

    Am I disrespecting my marriage and our privacy? Is my wife? No. But that's what you infer justifying your position to someone by invoking these values contrarily to their practice. It's insecurity wrapped up in a bow. In the very best scenario, it's something you arbitrarily just prefer. It's got nothing to do with respect. And that's fair enough. Everyone's got something. Just don't put it on other people. It's not a fair way to treat others. And I don't think it's something that we can responsibly suggest is "reasonable" in a piece of advice. Regardless, I'm glad you found a guy you see eye to eye on the issue with. Two people compatible and happy never hurt me any.
    Last edited by j.man; 05-03-2019 at 06:17 PM.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    So I'm not touching y'alls back and forth..

    But just to see, remember I don't delete photos, I clicked and counted my tagged photos to see how many it took to get to one of my exes... 48.... I'm not kidding I clicked 48 times... who digs that deep? And I'm assuming most have friends and family on their list so wouldnt they know who your exes were? Anyway, Im ranting...

    OPer you stated

    I told her what good does that do if you take them off of your phone but you keep them on Facebook, for everyone to see and, do they wonder what that's about, or am I just crazy???
    Which to me screams this is about public perception, and insecurity.

    Im not saying you dont have a right to want her to take them off, as you can see we all have different boundaries, but as Blue eloquently stated, thats something established before feelings develop, unless insecurity triggered this picture hunt, Im going to assume youve always felt this way.

    But again this to me looks like the mole thats signaling the cancer growing inside, what I mean is I highly doubt this is just about pictures.

    If this is what you want to end your relationship over it is completely your right, but you cant force her to think as you do, thats unfair, to her and to you. I hope you realize that.

  9. #38
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    To make it as simple as possible, I don't think it's wrong for someone to not like having their current partner to keep old pics of exs around.
    I don't find it a bad thing and I don't think they are "weak" or "insecure".
    I feel it's a preference and its what works for them.

    The other partner can either agree or they can break up over it. Really...it's a form of being incompatible and neither party should feel like they have to change if they don't want to.

    I'm on the side of not being cool with old pics hanging about.
    I don't see the point and yes, I do find it disrespectful. That's MY right and how I wish for MY relationship to go.
    I would either have to find a partner who agreed on that point or move on.

    Not much more to it than that.
    Thank you Sherry.

    It's good to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. :)

    Neither I nor my bf even have our FBs activated anymore.

    It serves no good purpose for us.

  10. #39
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    No one is right or wrong in my opinion. No one is weak or bad...we all are okay with different things in relationships.

    I'm not into men who keep old pics of their exs hanging around...cool...so I need to find a man who agrees.

    End of.

  11. #40
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    No one is right or wrong in my opinion. No one is weak or bad...we all are okay with different things in relationships.

    I'm not into men who keep old pics of their exs hanging around...cool...so I need to find a man who agrees.

    End of.
    Period, end of! LOL

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