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Thread: The Decline of Enotalone?

  1. #1
    Bronze Member WaywardKiwi's Avatar
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    The Decline of Enotalone?

    Hey everyone,

    Not sure if this is an exercise in futility, but I just wanted to comment that as a recent returnee after around a year, I have noticed a significant uptick in what appears to be biased and unwarranted attacks in some of the replies here, including from some longer serving members. This is across several threads as well directed at a variety of OPs and members.

    I just want to express my disappointment, as when I first discovered this forum I got a lot of positive and constructive feedback, which I really feel helped me. However, I am now reluctant to continue posting or replying as I feel I may open myself to being the recipient of someone else issues (when i definitely have enough of my own to deal with).

    As I said, this may be futile, but I just wanted to note this in the hope that all contributors will try to remain civil, and try to approach others with both empathy and objectivity (while of course lending the benefit of experience).

    Much love,

    T

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    Originally Posted by WaywardKiwi
    Hey everyone,

    Not sure if this is an exercise in futility, but I just wanted to comment that as a recent returnee after around a year, I have noticed a significant uptick in what appears to be biased and unwarranted attacks in some of the replies here, including from some longer serving members. This is across several threads as well directed at a variety of OPs and members.

    I just want to express my disappointment, as when I first discovered this forum I got a lot of positive and constructive feedback, which I really feel helped me. However, I am now reluctant to continue posting or replying as I feel I may open myself to being the recipient of someone else issues (when i definitely have enough of my own to deal with).

    As I said, this may be futile, but I just wanted to note this in the hope that all contributors will try to remain civil, and try to approach others with both empathy and objectivity (while of course lending the benefit of experience).

    Much love,

    T
    Agree whole heartedly... Used t be fun, supportive, people would IM and help one get through the day...

    Now, it seems to be just attacks on everything you say, how you word it , and personal issues seem to dominate the "help"

    Sad, sad indeed...

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    The thing is we used to have a lot of positive threads too. You would be hard-pressed to find one a year now .

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    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Way too much debating back and forth too.

    Thinking it's more important to "prove" they're right rather than trying to help the OP. Getting offended when someone disagrees or presents a different point of view. Debates that go on for PAGES, then posts wondering where the OP went!

    I'm here because I put myself through not one, not two, but THREE awful relationships and I would like to think that maybe I could help someone else avoid the mistakes I made. Not here for debates or petty arguing.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    So it looks like you joined maybe a month or two after I did...

    I cant say its all that different to me.

    Look at my original post, I got ate up. That was 2017.

    Also I think your anxiety and self esteem and other issues may make you fear criticism, and ironically you're combating that with your own criticism...

    Am I going to sit here and say that I dont see overly critical posts? Am I going to say I dont see posters who dont 'defend' themselves get kinda bullied, no because I'd be lying, but i will say its the same as its been since Ive been here, honestly I joined because this board was one of the least critical I've seen, while also not coddling, I liked that, I felt the responders were real people and not trolls.

    So not only do I think youre projecting feelings of maybe wanting to be coddled, but I think you're being unfair to many people who do come here to give advice.

    OPer, I hope you choose to remain open to see the responses to the thread you recently wrote, you may be surprised.

    I havent read it but I'll go take a look and I'll try to keep in mind your mindset.

    ETA:

    So I just read your post and you got some really kind responses. Why do you think you'll be attacked?

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    Bronze Member WaywardKiwi's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    So I just read your post and you got some really kind responses. Why do you think you'll be attacked?
    Hi figureitout23,

    Perhaps you are right, my own issues make me particularly sensitive to criticism, however I would disagree that I am seeking 'coddling'. If you were to peruse my posts prior to most recent you will see that there is some pretty direct response there and as I said, I found them constructive and helpful. If you really want to go this road, I will happily link particular threads, as well as my own defense of this forum along much the same lines as you here.

    I am not going to 'name names' as to people I feel have been unfairly prejudicial or overly critical in recent posts, as that in-of-itself is counter-intuitive to my original sentiment. I always attempt to be judicious in my responses, and attempt to only offer advice where I truly feel I have something relevant and worthwhile to say. I also try to approach people where they are, and inject as little assumption as possible, while still attempting to calculate the other side. I do, however, read most new threads (when I am active, as I have recently become again) and my observation is based primarily on what I have seen across the board generally, not in relation to my own post in particular.

    In any case, I take your point, and I don't want to sound like I am completely trashing this forum. In fact, if I thought it has completely devolved into the troll infested, flaming pit that most forums are, I would never have bothered with this post. I just made an observation from my own perspective.

    T

    EDIT: Additionally, I repped and thanked several respondees to my last post, as I felt they were very helpful to me. Its not a matter of there being nothing good here, its simply an observation, from my perspective, across multiple threads, of a higher incidence of responses I would consider less constructive, objective, and empathetic. Take it for what you will.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I do agree that I appreciate being able to actually give advice and perspectives here. Another forum I used to frequent only allowed posters to say "Hugs to you! I'm so sorry you're hurting!" If anyone gave actual advice they were given infractions. So ridiculous!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I do agree that I appreciate being able to actually give advice and perspectives here. Another forum I used to frequent only allowed posters to say "Hugs to you! I'm so sorry you're hurting!" If anyone gave actual advice they were given infractions. So ridiculous!
    Really? Wow...

    I used to read a forum (never joined) where they not only allowed a poster to troll advice seekers but actually encouraged and defended it. I wish I could remember what it was called, I kinda want to see if they're still operating that way.

    ENA is not without its flaws, but I value what it has to offer, dont get me started on Quora...

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    Gold Member ApocalypseDreams's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by WaywardKiwi
    Hey everyone,

    Not sure if this is an exercise in futility, but I just wanted to comment that as a recent returnee after around a year, I have noticed a significant uptick in what appears to be biased and unwarranted attacks in some of the replies here, including from some longer serving members.
    It's funny you should say mention this. I find some of the longer serving members act like logging onto ENA and responding to someone's question a chore they're begrudgingly forced to do. They're so cantankerous. I've noticed a trend that some off-topic threads have just become places for people to moan about and mock other people's posts. It just gives this forum a horrible tone. This place is definitely slipping.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ApocalypseDreams
    It's funny you should say mention this. I find some of the longer serving members act like logging onto ENA and responding to someone's question a chore they're begrudgingly forced to do. They're so cantankerous. I've noticed a trend that some off-topic threads have just become places for people to moan about and mock other people's posts. It just gives this forum a horrible tone. This place is definitely slipping.
    Pot meet kettle.

    Im sorry, maybe Im over protective of this place, maybe I just dont like hypocrisy, but I dont see how this is helpful, its literally complaining about complaining. Being cantankerous over other people being cantankerous, its mean spirited, disguised as concern.
    Last edited by figureitout23; 05-03-2019 at 01:27 PM.

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