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Thread: Problems when trying to create relashionships

  1. #1
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    Problems when trying to create relashionships

    Hello, this is my first post here and not sure in the right place. I am in my mid twenties and I have a big problem with building relashionships. I think my biggest failure is communication and low confidence.
    I can barely be present inside groups of people. I have always this feeling that they are better than me and that I can be forgoten in the group and not heard because I deserve it.
    I really feel so sorry that people do not get to see my true perdonality as I get trapped in emotions and nervous when around people. But dont get me wrong I have a good bavkground in every topic of conversations, I have a great personality to bring in, I read, I am a kind person, and I have a good career. I just font know how to show all of this in public. I am scared. Later every time I get alone I think about how much I had to talk about that topic where I barely said a word in a conversation. I also do have very low self esteem.
    How can I help myself? Help me guys please! Any suggestion will be welcomed! I would modtly like to work on myself by myself than seeing a councellor. Thank you!

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    You are quite an articulate person with a great job, and you're kind and well-read. Why on earth would you feel inferior to people around you?

    Your focus shouldn't be on how you compare to others. You should focus on your own wonderful qualities and know that when you start a conversation with someone, that person is lucky to be talking to you. If the person isn't interested in talking, it's not about you.

    Keep in your head the idea that you are worthy of knowing, and you'll attract others. Nothing is more of a turn-off to people than someone who is self-loathing.

  3. #3
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    What you attempt to do to resolve this problem is up to you, but I just thought I'd inform you that seeing a therapist IS working on it yourself. Most of what you resolve in therapy sessions is done but what you say when you feel free to talk about anything and everything. You get to understand your own blocks that are in the way from talking through it and having realizations through that process. What a good therapist mostly is... is a good listener. Sometimes their suggestions are helpful but most of that process is done by you. There's no reason to shy away from helping your mental health in this manner.

    But if you absolutely refuse, do you have any plan or idea of how you'll go about building confidence and get used to talking to people? The obstacles that are in your way are completely in your own head. You're busy inside your mind thinking everyone around you is superior while they judge your lowly, worthless presence but in reality they're just people like you, wanting to form connections, wanting to enjoy activities with others, wanting to discuss their interests. The only way you get past these mental blockages is through killing these demons and doing it alone will only take longer and be more difficult.

    Don't be afraid of help, bud.

  4. #4
    Bronze Member Afireblue's Avatar
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    You are obviously intelligent, first of all try to accept yourself as you are, you may be introverted, shy, that can be part of your personality and who you are, so accept it and embrace it. But there is always room for improvement, so, good for you for taking the step and trying.

    The best way to find the root of your low self esteem problem would be therapy, but you also can benefit from self-help books.

    Sometimes if I am feeling down I use words of affirmation, I tell myself all the good traits that I have. Most importantly be kind to yourself! wish you good luck

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    I don't have money for therapy firstly. But secondly will they tell me how to build confidence? I am not sure. I was hoping somebody here has any experience from therapy and if it helped you please let me know. Also, yes I have a good career because i have studied enough but I see that confidence and emotional intelligence are crucial for growing professionally. I wont have much progress in work if I dont fix this. Snd I see that it is really necessary for me. As if it were a course where people learn self confidence and communication and EI.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Pardon, I don't think you need therapy at all. I think you need to get out there and learn to build your confidence on your own and then slowly in smaller groups. Then slowly with larger groups. I also think you're placing a lot of undue pressure on yourself to behave a certain way and your feelings of inadequacy are normal. It's what pushes average people to above average and the cause that many find reasons to improve and better themselves.

    For some peculiar reason, you seem to be sabotaging the very element that should keep you fueled and burning for more - more intellectual stimulation, more social interactions, more challenging problems and greater awareness about everything going on around you. Use this!

    Do not silence your gut instincts and your desire to do more, know more, see more, create more. If you feel a particular inadequacy, USE it.

  8. #7
    Bronze Member Chelsea54's Avatar
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    Hello OP.
    You were able to open up here in this way—online, which is probably the biggest audience you could have and you articulated perfectly. Think about that.
    Consider getting the Meetup app. Look for social anxiety meet up groups. You will find out that there are so many people who feel similar to you. They hold social gatherings and workshops meant to help people get better with interaction. Except for the cost of the activity it is usually or nearly free.


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