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Thread: Emotionally abusive relationship dumper stages?

  1. #1
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    Emotionally abusive relationship dumper stages?

    I was wondering what were your stages of an emotionally abusive ex. My ex and me dated for 9 months, I would be abusive at bad times but we also had a lot of good connections and good times.

    I am going to therapy now, we broke up around 2 months and 2.5 weeks ago i started begging her to get her back and kept messaging her. Iím blocked on everything, and would start emailing her with no response.

    She says she loves being single and is with a guy. She said our relationship was a puppy dog one, that she never loved me and that it was just because it was her first.

    Iíve started to not contact her and move on. She always tells me to give her space and leave her alone. Which I finally got to my stupid head and Iím doing now. I heard thereís stages where your ex seems way different and tries to be hurtful. Iím not contacting her until I get better. Do you think sheíll forget the bad ever and remember the good? Do you think sheíll ever message me? I have a good heart, I was abused constantly as a kid. I love her so much and I was just emotionally dependent. I want to change for the better.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Then change for the better and consider this relationship over. It's not healthy to stick around where you're not wanted or appreciated. Any form of emotional abuse is unkind to both yourself and your partner. Nine months is not a terribly long amount of time but it is enough to know each other and know whether this is a relationship that's good for both of you. She's made the decision that this is not a good relationship for her and not what she's looking for. Don't dumb down her excuses as a human being (make up excuses for the way you think she feels) and respect her wishes. I repeat: she does not want to be with you.

    Let her go and live your life fully.

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lilhambo
    Do you think sheíll forget the bad ever and remember the good? Do you think sheíll ever message me? I have a good heart, I was abused constantly as a kid. I love her so much and I was just emotionally dependent. I want to change for the better.
    Your abusing ways is all she knows. She doesn't know you any other way.

    If she's moved on and is having a different experience with someone else, the difference between being abused and being in a healthy relationship will become profound for her and she will look back at that time with much regret. So no. Unless she hasn't healed and is still in an unhealthy place, she won't contact you. You should hope for her she doesn't.

    Get healthy for you. You don't do so in an attempt to win her back. It suggests your motives are not in the right place and by still trying to control the outcome it suggests you aren't really ready to learn your lesson.

    If you were emotionally depend on her, consider this breakup a gift.

    Let go
    That's when the real work begins. Take advantage of this opportunity to learn about yourself and go forward in the future doing things differently

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    Well to be honest i would forget this girl and any other until you have completed therapy and feel better especially as you had an abusive childhood. You need to get better and i mean FULLY better before embarking on further rleationships or they wont last.

    Do not message her, text her, call her or email her. In fact block her on everything. You both sound very young and not a good match being abusive to one another. Your issues will be bigger than this one girl.

    Take care and good luck.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    She may remember the good but she will never forget the bad, and rightfully so.

    If you truly want to change for the better then focus on yourself and allow yourself the time to do so... 2 months isnít going to cut it.

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    Iím getting healthier for myself. I donít want this overhang of childhood abuse over me in the future. I got a job, got summer classes, and Iím working out a lot. Sheís seeing someone but she says she doesnít want to date him. She said heís an who just wants to sleep with her. She then told me maybe she likes s. Iím thinking itís a rebound. She really chased me and said she loved and missed me a couple weeks after our breakup.

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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Your abusing ways is all she knows. She doesn't know you any other way.

    If she's moved on and is having a different experience with someone else, the difference between being abused and being in a healthy relationship will become profound for her and she will look back at that time with much regret. So no. Unless she hasn't healed and is still in an unhealthy place, she won't contact you. You should hope for her she doesn't.

    Get healthy for you. You don't do so in an attempt to win her back. It suggests your motives are not in the right place and by still trying to control the outcome it suggests you aren't really ready to learn your lesson.

    If you were emotionally depend on her, consider this breakup a gift.

    Let go
    That's when the real work begins. Take advantage of this opportunity to learn about yourself and go forward in the future doing things differently

    m getting healthier for myself. I donít want this overhang of childhood abuse over me in the future. I got a job, got summer classes, and Iím working out a lot. Sheís seeing someone but she says she doesnít want to date him. She said heís an who just wants to sleep with her. She then told me maybe she likes s. Iím thinking itís a rebound. She really chased me and said she loved and missed me a couple weeks after our breakup.

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Then change for the better and consider this relationship over. It's not healthy to stick around where you're not wanted or appreciated. Any form of emotional abuse is unkind to both yourself and your partner. Nine months is not a terribly long amount of time but it is enough to know each other and know whether this is a relationship that's good for both of you. She's made the decision that this is not a good relationship for her and not what she's looking for. Don't dumb down her excuses as a human being (make up excuses for the way you think she feels) and respect her wishes. I repeat: she does not want to be with you.

    Let her go and live your life fully.
    I mean living my life without her. Not going to lie, still have the pain. We really did have a lot of good things except the dependency, neediness, jealousy and manipulation, thatís the only reason why Iím wondering.

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    Originally Posted by maew
    She may remember the good but she will never forget the bad, and rightfully so.

    If you truly want to change for the better then focus on yourself and allow yourself the time to do so... 2 months isnít going to cut it.
    I have the whole summer to reset myself which is around 3 months. Iím working on it, this was also my first real relationship so I never knew about this issue.

    If i recontact her when I change, do you think sheíll look at me differently? She pretty much said all our memories are fake but I think itís because sheís hurt.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lilhambo
    I mean living my life without her. Not going to lie, still have the pain. We really did have a lot of good things except the dependency, neediness, jealousy and manipulation, thatís the only reason why Iím wondering.
    I'm sorry you're in pain. I hope you feel better soon. Those issues you just listed are major issues in a relationship and extremely destructive and unhealthy. Stay confident in the decision to move forwards and don't second guess yourself.

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