Widower in love or just missing her husband?

I have friend we both had strong feelings for each other since we were kids but then he left went to school when he came back he found me pregnant then we decided to move on with our lives but those feelings were still there.

We both got married to different partners and we both moved from where we were staying since we were neighbors..we met after 10 years.we both still have those feelings for each other,we ended up having sex for the first then we decided to be friends with benefit unfortunately I lost my husband my friend was supportive and still is,after my mourning period we met and had sex again which was for the second time ..my feelings for him are too strong now I want us to be more than fwbs I would like to be in a relationship with him, I've realised that the feelings I had for him back in the days before we both got married are still there,tried telling him how I feel about him he keeps on reminding me about the past how he loved me and I fell pregnant by my husband that has hurt him so much so that he can't take that chance again with me.

I love him so much I've tried breaking up with him countless times but then I can't live without him.

This whole situation has got me so confused, if a day passes by without hearing from him I get so emotional and i cry a lot cos then I miss him,don't want to loose him again...is it love or its emptiness?please help

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like you are grieving and lonely but he holds a grudge and uses that as the excuse not to have a relationship. Step back from him to reflect on what you want and if some part time physical companionship is enough for you..