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Thread: My boyfriend refused to have my name on the house we will buy

  1. #1

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    My boyfriend refused to have my name on the house we will buy

    Hello All,
    I need help. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3.5 years. We have been long distance since day 1. We fly to see each otherís every 2 months. We have decided to get married and move to where he is.
    I told him many times that I do not want to move because my family is all in the south and need me to take care of them. Also, I wonít be able to find a job since I only have a license to work at my current state.
    I told him that in order to move, my name has to be on the house that we are about to buy, I will help with down payment.
    He said his parents are helping with the down payment. (heís a mommaís boy). My worry is that they will dictate our life in the future if we agree to take their money and my name is not on the house.
    I want security if I am going to give up my family and job to move to where he is. I will try to find other jobs, but the pay wonít be as well without a license.
    Am I wrong to ask the house be under both of our names? Please advise. Thank you!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    No, youíre not wrong.

    No way in a million years would I consider uprooting my life, leaving a licensed position, to go live in some house that doesnít belong to me with a guy who has no legal commitment to me. You will be completely at his mercy should anything happen. Iím sorry to be blunt but you would have to be a complete idiot to put yourself in that situation.
    Last edited by indea08; 05-01-2019 at 10:09 PM.

  3. #3
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    Do his parents know about you?

    Do they know you will be moving in?

  4. #4
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Not a hope in fack would I buy a house without my name on it , ever!!

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    I suggest talking to an attorney.

    I work in legal, and am fairly certain if your name isn't on the title, when he sells, he gets all the money from the sale, you get ZERO.

    So you contribute to the down payment, pay half the mortgage every month for years possibly, and get no return on your investment when he sells.

    You may as well call yourself a tenant who pays rent, and gifted him $$ for the down payment.

    And I'm sorry too but I echo indea's sentiments -- you would have to be a complete idiot to put yourself in that situation.

    Edit: I would immediately dump any bf who even suggested such a thing, clearly he's only thinking of himself, and doesn't give a rat's rear end about you.

    Next..

  7. #6
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    I would not marry him. You barely know him.

    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I suggest talking to an attorney.

    I work in legal, and am fairly certain if your name isn't on the title, when he sells, he gets all the money from the sale, you get ZERO.

    So you contribute to the down payment, pay half the mortgage every month for years possibly, and get no return on your investment when he sells.

    You may as well call yourself a tenant who pays rent, and gifted him $$ for the down payment.

    And I'm sorry too but I echo indea's sentiments -- you would have to be a complete idiot to put yourself in that situation.

    Edit: I would immediately dump any bf who even suggested such a thing, clearly he's only thinking of himself, and doesn't give a rat's rear end about you.

    Next..
    True, unless they are married 10 years/have kids because it technically would be their marital home.
    Attorneys don't let people get away with buying a house weeks before the wedding and trying to say its only their home and the other person is not entitled. If he bought it before they met, or well before engagement its a different matter, but its intended as the marital home. It is a gray area, especially if they have children and have longevity.

    At any rate- - this is a raw deal for you. I would either move an only DATE him -- long distance relationships go at a slower pace or you forget him and meet someone local who would love to live in your area

  8. #7
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by indea08
    No, youíre not wrong.

    No way in a million years would I consider uprooting my life, leaving a licensed position, to go live in some house that doesnít belong to me with a guy who has no legal commitment to me. You will be completely at his mercy should anything happen. Iím sorry to be blunt but you would have to be a complete idiot to put yourself in that situation.
    Took the words right out of my mouth! DO NOT move or marry this guy if your name is not on the deed for the house. DO NOT marry a momma's boy either, you will always come a distant second after momma.

    Yes you'd be a complete idiot to uproot yourself and go move to another country to be a TENANT in a house his momma helped him buy. Give your head a shake.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Dealbreaker #1: He makes a major life decision without his supposed lifetime partner's agreeing on the matter.

    Dealbreaker #2: Never date/marry a mama's boy. As a teen, I dated one for two years and it was the main reason I dumped him. Mama's needs will always override Wifey's needs. You're already being left out of THEIR plans for THEIR future. Let this be your wakeup call and do what's best for yourself. THEY don't have your back, that's for sure.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MissIvy
    I told him that in order to move, my name has to be on the house that we are about to buy, I will help with down payment.
    Let me ask you, is he telling you that you'd have to put in a down payment to move there, or is there an option for you to move there without you having to put in a down payment? How much I'd call the guy a villain is heavily dependent on it. Because while I can fully respect and in fact expect someone not to put money down without some guaranteed equity, I can also respect someone not jumping into splitting a mortgage with someone they'd entirely been in a LDR with until now. I'd actually call it as irresponsible as it would be stupid.

    I think you're jumping the gun, and you're doing so in a big way. Let him do what he wants and put whatever money he wants into a down payment. Line up a job, rent your own place, and properly integrate each other into your lives. Honestly, I don't have the sympathy that many do for someone who elects to uproot their life allegedly for the sake of someone else and their relationship. In fact, I scrutinize it a whole lot more than I respect it. Otherwise, it screams you've got so little going on or so little pride in what you've got that you'd jump on someone else's coattails. Not saying that's always the case, but more often than not, the way people do it pretty much says nothing but it.

    So no, putting a down payment on something not in your name would be awful. But if that's not in fact what he expects you to do, and if rather you're telling him you're not going to move there if not for the guaranteed shared equity right off the bat, then I'm sorry, but I gotta throw in with broseph. I think it's incredibly unreasonable and in fact manipulative to push him into such an endeavor.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    I'm wondering the same as jman.

    The way I'm reading it, and I may be misunderstanding , is that he plans to buy a house with his parents.
    And that you do not like this, and do not want to move to where he is unless he agrees to buy this house with you instead ( both put into downpayment, both names on it, no parental money).

    It seems you aren't keen on moving there for many reasons, yet you've decided to marry him, so you want to move there into a marital home.

    Is this correct?

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