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Thread: My boyfriend refused to have my name on the house we will buy

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to reconsider the entire relationship. You barely know each other and have never lived in the same place. Putting your name on the deed is not going to solve issues with your relocation, job, family or his "mama's boy" issues. Do not put money down on a house. Instead do not get married, rent a place for a while and see if you can stand living together or stand being away from your hometown.
    Originally Posted by MissIvy
    We have been long distance since day 1.
    I told him many times that I do not want to move because my family is all in the south
    I wonít be able to find a job since I only have a license to work at my current state.
    I told him that in order to move, my name has to be on the house that we are about to buy, I will help with down payment.
    He said his parents are helping with the down payment.

  2. #12

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    Yes. His parents know that we are getting married.

  3. #13

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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    I'm wondering the same as jman.
    You
    The way I'm reading it, and I may be misunderstanding , is that he plans to buy a house with his parents.
    And that you do not like this, and do not want to move to where he is unless he agrees to buy this house with you instead ( both put into downpayment, both names on it, no parental money).

    It seems you aren't keen on moving there for many reasons, yet you've decided to marry him, so you want to move there into a marital home.

    Is this correct?
    You are right on the point. I do not want to move there, but he has the same problem as me. Heís licensed in many states except for where I am as the state I live in has very strict rules. Anyway, he makes more money than I do so even if I donít have a job, we will still be ok with his only income.

  4. #14

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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    I'm wondering the same as jman.

    The way I'm reading it, and I may be misunderstanding , is that he plans to buy a house with his parents.
    And that you do not like this, and do not want to move to where he is unless he agrees to buy this house with you instead ( both put into downpayment, both names on it, no parental money).

    It seems you aren't keen on moving there for many reasons, yet you've decided to marry him, so you want to move there into a marital home.

    Is this correct?
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    You need to reconsider the entire relationship. You barely know each other and have never lived in the same place. Putting your name on the deed is not going to solve issues with your relocation, job, family or his "mama's boy" issues. Do not put money down on a house. Instead do not get married, rent a place for a while and see if you can stand living together or stand being away from your hometown.
    We have lives together for 3 months. We know each otherís well.

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  6. #15

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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    I'm wondering the same as jman.

    The way I'm reading it, and I may be misunderstanding , is that he plans to buy a house with his parents.
    And that you do not like this, and do not want to move to where he is unless he agrees to buy this house with you instead ( both put into downpayment, both names on it, no parental money).

    It seems you aren't keen on moving there for many reasons, yet you've decided to marry him, so you want to move there into a marital home.

    Is this correct?
    Originally Posted by indea08
    No, youíre not wrong.

    No way in a million years would I consider uprooting my life, leaving a licensed position, to go live in some house that doesnít belong to me with a guy who has no legal commitment to me. You will be completely at his mercy should anything happen. Iím sorry to be blunt but you would have to be a complete idiot to put yourself in that situation.
    Thank you!

  7. #16

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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    I'm wondering the same as jman.

    The way I'm reading it, and I may be misunderstanding , is that he plans to buy a house with his parents.
    And that you do not like this, and do not want to move to where he is unless he agrees to buy this house with you instead ( both put into downpayment, both names on it, no parental money).

    It seems you aren't keen on moving there for many reasons, yet you've decided to marry him, so you want to move there into a marital home.

    Is this correct?
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Do his parents know about you?

    Do they know you will be moving in?
    Yes, they do. They know we are getting married.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    There's no way that I'd make such a financial investment with a guy who I've only known long distance. That's a potential disaster waiting to happen that can take years and thousands in legal fees to undo. I'd rather rent my own place nearby and DATE the guy long enough to learn whether you're actually a good match, OR, I'd skip him and invest in finding a good local lover with whom I'll grow into old age--and still keep my friends, family and career in tact.

    The first red flag is that he's not on board to move near you or to a place with better job prospects for you. That already makes you peripheral rather than a priority, and why would you want to usurp your whole life to be peripheral to someone else? I'd skip that, and I'd skip him.

  9. #18
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Have you discussed how much each would contribute to finances once you buy a house?

  10. #19
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Also, if and when you get married, the house will be part of the 'marital property,' unless you sign a pre-nup.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    Also, if and when you get married, the house will be part of the 'marital property,' unless you sign a pre-nup.

    Hmm, perhaps abitbroken can clarify, but it is my understanding that individual personal assets acquired prior to the marriage remain separate.

    Since she won't be on the deed or title, the house will be considered her bf's personal property and remain separate from marital property (assets mutually acquired after the marriage).

    I could be wrong though, I don't work in real estate law, it was how I understood it though.

    You may be right about the pre nup.

    Think I will research it, I'm curious now!

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