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Thread: (Gay) Depressed & heartbroken

  1. #1

    (Gay) Depressed & heartbroken

    Hello everyone. I'll try to make it as short as possible. I'm here to get advice because me and my boyfriend recently broke up and it's been a very hard journey on me emotionally. I will give you a bit of a background story, we met in October and it was like a dream come true, he was showering me with attention, pictures, videos, etc. Then as time went on we had some issues where I was jealous because he kept posting pictures of him on instagram and responding to too many DM's and spending too much time on his phone. Where our first incident was that I caught him texting another guy "You're hot" in the beginning of our relationship after telling he loved me. Note also that we became boyfriends only after a few weeks because he asked me and I was so infatuated with him that I couldn't resists. About in mid December he started having crisis and threatened to leave me because he was having problems of his own and started shouting at me, but then calmed down as usual. Then again he threatened to leave me two weeks after that, and calmed down again and told me I was the best boyfriend and that he wouldn't leave me. Note he was always texting me " don't let me go baby ". As time went on our stress continued and one day out of the blue he told me he wanted to meet a guy from instagram as just friends. I was taken aback and immediately told him I was breaking up because I was so confused at the idea he'd want to go on a one on one with another guy. But then he said he wouldn't go and that was it. But as time went on I couldn't get over this problem and I don't know why I didn't leave him, because he said it was only as friends and I trusted him, at the same time, it's like he was bored of me. So one day I took his phone from his hands and read all his messages. The next day another argument and threatened to leave me again. Note during that time i lent him money (110$ then 100$ then 60$ then 15$). He took two months to give me back the money and one time called me on the phone and shouted at me that He won't give me the money back cause he owed money at his bank. The same night we met (after he wanted to cancel our date) and we had a big fight again but as usual we made up. Fast forward to the day it was over, i went to his place that night and I flipped out and shouted at him and insulted him because 1. He wasn't doing anything sexually for me, and not being affectionate or kissing as before, always being moody and on his phone.
    2. Always testing me to see how I would react to him meeting another guy , when I told him I don't accept this ( and showed me his countless DM's when I specified to him not to talk to other guys )
    3. He still owed me 185$ and wanted to give me 150$ instead ( when I'm always the one paying for him when we went out cause he had no money, and I still payed for him while he didn't give me the money back. Note that money is a big issue and problem with him and his family )
    So while I was shouting at him I blocked him on fb and told him to not talk to me anymore. Went home and felt relieved. Then the next day I figured we'd get back together as usual, but he gave me a call and said it's finished and he can't continue anymore. I was very angry and started insulting him again. I thought that was it. Then after that he called me to be friends but while he was calling me (nonstop) he was telling me he already moved on and was happy that he cut me off. So our communication after the breakup was bad because I was still very affected and he was playing it so cool. Fast forward again, his words hurt me again and bothered me so I insulted him. Again i thought that was that, but he called me a few days later cause he needed me to sign a paper that would prove i lent him money because he needed that paper to receive financial help. I refused to sign and he called me names we got in a fight again and he said he wasnt gay. ( which im pretty sure he is gay ) also he didnt want to talk about what happened between us and told me to forget that he loved me, and that nothing bad happened and that he did a good decision for him by cutting me off. And also during our last call his mom told me to stop calling him or she'd change his number.
    I decided to change my number cause I couldn't handle our phone conversations anymore. I also blocked him on facebook.
    Now since we broke up (Three weeks ago) i've been very depressed and crying nonstop. I've been meeting guys and didn't workout with any of them and I still miss my ex very much. I guess it's stupid since I'm only talking negatively about him. I feel that everytime I meet someone they always have an excuse and ignore me after. But with him I thought we had something special ( it lasted 6 months ) but during those times we had so many issues and he told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship. I loved him so much and couldn't let him go even if we had fights. Note that I also stressed him out during our time together but I did so much for him that he never did for me. ( got him a ring, a rose for valentine, an expensive perfume for christmas, countless restos etc) I know he didnt have money, but he couldve given me anything (little gift) and I wouldve been happy.
    So all this big story to say that I'm heartbroken how my first serious relationship turned out and that I'm scared for my future in the gay world, because I feel it's so hard for us gays to find someone committed. I know I have to move on but it's so hard because I feel like it's my fault because I shouted at him. So living with the blame is extremely difficult for me. And also as my friend told me, if he really loved me he wouldn't have let me go even if I shouted at him and insulted him. I just feel so overwhelmed, anxious and depressed and heartbroken and would kindly appreciate any advice you could give me. I don't know why I'm still holding on and still want to talk with him. Seems pretty hopeless at this point but I am so upset and restless.
    Thank you so much if you read this far.
    Last edited by Chapters5; 05-01-2019 at 09:23 PM.

  2. #2
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    This relationship was terribly unhealthy, OP.

    There were several red flags along the way, and I know you wanted this to work out, but this guy just wasn't anywhere near as invested as you were. Chatting up other guys, borrowing money and refusing to pay it back, all the shouting and drama - this was your clue that this was never going to develop into something sustainable long-term.

    It's too soon to be dating again, so it's no surprise that you aren't connecting with anyone new yet. Let yourself heal first, and then consider dating. It will be a disaster until you are over your ex. In the meantime, don't write off all relationships just because this one wasn't good. There will be other chances for you, with guys that want what you want.

  3. #3
    Thank you for your advice :)
    I guess I just feel so bad for being used and not having a proper closure. And also that he was playing the victim and discarded everything that I did for him because of our last argument while I was shouting at him. It's hard to move on when I'm so angry at him and the situation.

  4. #4
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    He treated you really bad and was going after other guys the whole time. I'm sorry but I don't think he truly loved you. I think it's best to let him go for good.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member
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    Originally Posted by Chapters5
    Thank you for your advice :)
    I guess I just feel so bad for being used and not having a proper closure. And also that he was playing the victim and discarded everything that I did for him because of our last argument while I was shouting at him. It's hard to move on when I'm so angry at him and the situation.
    To be honest, in my experience, "closure" doesn't usually happen in the way many dumpees think it does. Break-ups are often messy and painful, with one party hanging for closure when really what they want is their ex back.

    Closure will come when you accept it's over. He can't do that for you. It will come, but it will take time. Plenty of it. It's hard when you're still angry at an ex, but it isn't unusual. Slowly, that anger will dissipate as you begin to see he wasn't the right person for you and you can do a lot better.

  7. #6
    Thank you all for your replies and support.
    It feels like it's me who needs help if I regret a relationship that didn't bring me much. I should feel free & be happy it's over and move on, but I feel imprisoned by these thoughts of him and I can't get him out my mind. When I broke up it was the right choice for me but the next day I already regretted it and it went downhill from there :/


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