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Thread: I feel like his personal doormat...

  1. #11
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    And I can't edit the post for some reason, but I'm more here in hopes of getting some advice on how to fix things.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by PurplePlank
    @Abitbroken

    JUST because you're in a relationship with someone that doesn't mean crushes can't pop up every now and again.
    But in a healthy relationship, you don't act on them. You admitted that your decision to carry on conversation with him has you questioning your relationship. I agree with others who have called this an emotional affair.

    Also didn't you say he wants you to stop talking to him? Now you're saying he's ok with it?

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by PurplePlank
    @Abitbroken

    I didn't snoop on anything though. My aunt (who works with him) told me what was going on because she knew we were financially unstable, I just assumed he wasn't smoking for the fact that we both agreed to stop (neither of us ready) so we would have money for basic life needs. As for emotionally cheating, not at all. He knows I like the guy and he's okay with it. We've both had crushes outside of our relationship and we both share the belief that JUST because you're in a relationship with someone that doesn't mean crushes can't pop up every now and again. No real problem there, just an added detail, you know?

    As for family, they're not people we want in our childs life, which is why having them babysit her or moving home to get back on our feet isn't really an option. I could probably make a whole post on that alone lol.
    Firstly, if anyone tries to be a tattle tale on my guy, i think about what their motives are. (ps, had an old neighbor who use to tell my parents all the bad things that we did when my parents were out of town. Guess what, my parents took some of us with them and one of us was away at a basketball camp so was not home - well, they were alone one hour between the time they got home and my grandma picked them up -- my parents were really upset at the neighbors for making up lies to be a busybody) I keep my eyes open but i don't always give in to tattle tales. Its no one's business if there are money issues but yours. Its no one's business about what you decided to do about them. But yours. You quit smoking. Congrats. its a harder road sometimes for other people. If he stopped smoking at home, he has greatly reduced his smoking. Babysteps. And it sounds like something you suggested and imposed, and he didn't really come to the conclusion on his own and it took time to get on board.

    the aunt should have said "i know you had an agreement not to smoke. maybe it might be a good idea to stop. I won't tell PurplePlank, but if she asks, i won't like to her" or just stay out of it.

    And he didn't lie to you - he agreed to do something and failed.

    And as far as crushes, nope, crushes are not acceptable. its normal if you are married or in a relationship to think someone else is attractive or to notice them, its human nature -- but for it to turn into a crush and start to pour your heart out to them online...You notice "hey, that's an attractive man/woman" and then you nip it in the bud, you don't water that garden and let it develop. A celebrity crush can be harmless, a crush on someone at work or an online buddy really is not.

    So before you talk about trust...you have no room to talk

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by RyanFox1219
    But in a healthy relationship, you don't act on them. You admitted that your decision to carry on conversation with him has you questioning your relationship. I agree with others who have called this an emotional affair.

    Also didn't you say he wants you to stop talking to him? Now you're saying he's ok with it?
    I didn't read this before i posted, but great minds think alike!!

  5.  

  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by PurplePlank
    And I can't edit the post for some reason, but I'm more here in hopes of getting some advice on how to fix things.
    How do fix it? Stop being his warden or his parent about the smoking. Be encouraging instead. If he cut it by a third or half - that's a great start.
    If you want more money, get a part time job to work while he is home.
    Put your kid in 4 year old preschool. its a thing.

    Or leave him, file for child support and get a job.

  7. #16
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    I really did a bad job explaining things it seems. After talking he's fine with my talking to this guy I've known for 6 months, the only reason he was upset about it in the first place is (as he says it) was situational because we're in a bad spot. We've got a really relaxed relationships usually which is why I was upset as his hypocrisy as he's had a few work crushes as well, while I've only had 2. A relationship is defined as whatever both parties decide on, and ours is very open minded.

    As for the smoking aspect, anyone who thinks it's okay to spend money we don't have on a bad habit is crazy. I didn't expect everyone to agree with me or anything, but it seems I didn't explain things too well in my original post and I can't seem to edit it. Lol

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by PurplePlank
    I really did a bad job explaining things it seems. After talking he's fine with my talking to this guy I've known for 6 months, the only reason he was upset about it in the first place is (as he says it) was situational because we're in a bad spot. We've got a really relaxed relationships usually which is why I was upset as his hypocrisy as he's had a few work crushes as well, while I've only had 2. A relationship is defined as whatever both parties decide on, and ours is very open minded.

    As for the smoking aspect, anyone who thinks it's okay to spend money we don't have on a bad habit is crazy. I didn't expect everyone to agree with me or anything, but it seems I didn't explain things too well in my original post and I can't seem to edit it. Lol
    Every time a poster doesn't agree with the advice they always say "oh, i just didn't explain things right"

    Logically, I agree that its stupid to smoke or go to starbucks when you are money is tight, but i also understand that kicking an addiction is tough. You cannot apply what you do to other people. If he has a longer road to quitting (its harder to quit when other people at work smoke than being home with a child), he has a longer road to quitting. good for you to quit cold turkey, but not everyone can ! If he cut back right now, that's huge.

    Honestly, you can't say "we have an open situation and i can talk to who i want" and then be upset that he has not been truthful for you or "want to fix this". If you want to be with him, don't stray when things get tough. Confiding in someone else when you are in a tough spot is not being "open" its being avoidant.

  9. #18
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    You are at a crossroads and need to make a decision. do you want to stay with the father of your child, or do you want to leave the relationship?
    Stop messing around with the guy you met online. He is a distraction from the real issue here.
    Take to your SO about your concerns. The guy should play no part in the decision. Decide first what is best for you and your child.
    Worry about the rebound relationship later.

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