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Thread: Facebook Relationship Status

  1. #21
    Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    So...

    I'm thinking: you don't trust him, it appears that he is not being upfront with you, and you have both been around the block a few times (as you are in your 50's). You've only dated for 1 1/2 years? I say move along, life is too short

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Camber 2019
    So...

    I'm thinking: you don't trust him, it appears that he is not being upfront with you, and you have both been around the block a few times (as you are in your 50's). You've only dated for 1 1/2 years?

    I say move along, life is too short.
    Amen.


    ..........

  3. #23
    Member FraniMar22's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I have a different take on the issue. You are entitled to stating exactly what you think of your boyfriend and if you are uncomfortable with his shady behaviour or his decisions, you should speak your mind and don't dumb yourself down telling yourself that you are insecure or even reference your past and I'm going to be very frank with you - not just you but others will use it against you to tell you how weak you are and how at fault you are for interpreting your own reality. You're making excuses for history repeating itself again and again and again because you're NOT putting yourself first or being extremely clear about what ticks you off in a relationship. Don't ever second guess your instincts about whether someone is good for you or whether you are ok or not about the behaviours going on around you.

    Second, why on earth are you with such a person in the first place? He's shown what he is to you. I'd suggest you step aside from this, stop playing mind games with yourself and absolutely be truthful about what you like and what you dislike in a partner. His penchant for connections like this or the way he treats his social media should be a red flag to you and highly unattractive in a partner.

    Don't get sucked into the injustices of relationship status on social media either. If he doesn't reciprocate, see it exactly for what it is. Move on from this and like I've said, do NOT second guess your intuition.
    Thank you! I was beginning to feel a little beat up, although I've gotten some pretty good comments here.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by FraniMar22
    Thank you! I was beginning to feel a little beat up, although I've gotten some pretty good comments here.
    You can do whatever you want with your life, interpret yourself any which way you want, absorb whatever you like, associate with whomever you please. At the end of the day, the peacemaking starts with you and when you're able to rest knowing that you've been true to yourself and what you think is acceptable or not especially regarding your closest relationships. Start cultivating healthier boundaries and be clear about your standards: what you will or will not accept in your life. I'd discourage any excuses for bad behaviour especially types of behaviour or situations that put you at risk or put your happiness at risk. YOU should be the one that's able to navigate what's best for you and take your time thinking about things if that's what you need. Not everything is solved in a day so try to practice patience also with others but most importantly, yourself.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by FraniMar22
    Thank you. You definitely gave me a lot to think about. I'm definitely not a young kid. I'm 58 and he's 53. This relationship felt really good until I let my insecurities come out of hiding at the first sign of dishonesty. Now, I can't shake them off. I did address things with him, but he didn't sound convincing. He just said I was being way too insecure.
    OP I was expecting you to be in your 20's from the way you were describing yours and his behaviors on social media. What he posts and what he reacts to is simply a red herring for deeper issues in the relationship that need to be addressed.

    Life is too short to waste on obsessing over someone's social media posts. Address his real life behaviors and if you aren't happy, move on.

  7. #26
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    The Facebook status is just a symptom of a much deeper rift between you. He doesn't respect you, or your relationship, enough to delete his dating profile... I found a very effective way to deal with this was to wish the other person all the best, whoever they meet... and then walk.

    Carrying on in a relationship where you are much more invested than the other person will have a devastating effect on your self esteem and confidence generally. You have different values to his, and there's no point in trying to change him, or in rationalising your fears and lack of trust and trying to pretend they're not there. Acceptance is very important in a relationship, and this doesn't mean that you sit there and 'accept' a whole pile of stuff that makes you eat your heart out - but that you accept the reality of the situation and take care of yourself accordingly.

  8. #27
    Member FraniMar22's Avatar
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    Thanks everyone for all the comments. I think the hardest thing here is not so much the Facebook status. I didn't want to appear so juvenile about that, but it is part of the overall problem. Aside from the things that are not making sense to me, he treats me very well. He's very attentive, we are in constant contact all day long. He lives a bit of a distance, so I go to his apartment on the weekends. He cooks dinner, he's very affectionate, sex life is fantastic. He's talked about us moving in together eventually when my son moves on after college, talks about future plans. So, I don't get it. I'm very attentive to him, keep myself nice so as to keep his interest, and we have alot of things in common. I should also mention the fact that he has been diagnosed with lymphoma and has been doing chemo for the last few months. He's on his next to last treatment, his prognosis is very good, but it's been rough on him. He's also shared alot about his past to me. He's had several long term relationships, has been cheated on several times. I'm just shocked that he would want to do that to someone else. One last item -- it is an interracial relationship. I am white, he is black. So, of course that comes with its own set of problems due to public opinion.

    So, with all that being said to add more info to the situation, any more thoughts?

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    FB will be making some significant changes due to privacy scrutiny. That may mean Likes won't be visible except to the page owner. Be smart and live your life in real time. Who cares who you try to impress on an ancient social media people are exiting in droves? Save FB for close friends and family. Date in person and gauge things that way.

  10. #29
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    FB is the least of her problems

  11. #30
    Member FraniMar22's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    FB is the least of her problems
    I'm not sure what that means ...

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