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Thread: Facebook Relationship Status

  1. #11
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    I don't care if my own wife asked for my phone to go through my messages. She'd be told no and that it's either time for marital counseling or a divorce. If we weren't married, she'd be dumped on the spot. I don't put up with distrust or invasions of privacy. That you'd "make him" delete his ex off facebook is perturbing on its own. I could maybe, and I repeat maybe understand making a simple request someone remove their "single" status, but raising a stink because they didn't flaunt the relationship on social media? Not so much. Especially when we're talking a grown ass man and woman, 50+ years old.

    If you've got issues relating to feeling like you're not sufficiently incorporated into his social life, ask to invite a friend of his or a family member over so you can host them for dinner. If you feel like he's cheating, whether due to justifiable suspicion or your insecurities not being conducive to a healthy relationship right now, it's probably best you jet now than later. But making it about social media is quite frankly pretty adolescent. As someone who had just started college on the advent of facebook becoming a thing and who's been on since, the whole "omg ______ is in a relationship with _____" has heavily fallen out of fashion at this point. I only ever see it for a friend getting engaged or married, and even then probably only half the time.
    I agree with this and I will also add you being in an abusove relationship in the past is your burden not his, it is your duty to work through that baggage. It will always be a part of your past but you donít make others pay for your exes sins.

    Next you donít trust him. Thatís a whole different beast. This Facebook thing is a means to control, at the end of the day if you donít trust him you donít trust him... you arenít going to suddenly trust him simple because he changes his relationship status. Youíre treating the symptoms and not the disease causing the huge puss filled wounds. Treat the disease.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by FraniMar22

    Now, I can't shake them off. I did address things with him, but he didn't sound convincing. He just said I was being way too insecure.
    As my late mum used to say, it's not what you say but how you say it..

    I don't know how you addressed things (your insecurities) w him, whether it was with an accusatory tone, blaming him, or respectful, but somehow you put him on the defensive, and he flipped it back on you.

    Which is how people typically respond when they feel they're being accused of something hurtful or bad, or attacked.

    And let's face it , he's right you are way too insecure, you admitted as such, so he has a point.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Things aren't going well when 1.5 years down the road dude still has a dating profile and openly presents himself and acts as single on social media. You are blatantly not on the same page about what this relationship is. Meaning that you are way more into this and he is keeping it casual.

    Your reaction is troubling. You see that you aren't on the same page, so you have to decide if you will continue this casual arrangement or move on. What you don't do is get into policing, patrolling, controlling, telling him who he can speak to or not, what status to display and so on. This is a wrong approach and not only are you setting yourself up for failure, but a never ending cycle of pain. You can't control and bully another person into being who you want them to be and carrying on the kind of relationship that you want. You've got to stop this behavior. His actions don't suit you, you can see you are not on the same page, you don't feel cherished and secure with him (rightfully so I might add), so you dump him. You don't fight, you don't fix, you don't patrol and control, you WALK. That's it.

    Time is a limited resource, so stop wasting your time on men who are no good for you. Just dump them and do it fast and keep looking for the right one. You can't meet your prince charming when you are busy policing prince wrong.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    You can't meet your prince charming when you are busy policing prince wrong.
    And, with that, DancingFool started her T-shirt company and became a millionaire.

    Well said!

  5.  

  6. #15
    Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    And, with that, DancingFool started her T-shirt company and became a millionaire.

    Well said!
    Ba-Dum-Dum (cymbal)....

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I have a different take on the issue. You are entitled to stating exactly what you think of your boyfriend and if you are uncomfortable with his shady behaviour or his decisions, you should speak your mind and don't dumb yourself down telling yourself that you are insecure or even reference your past and I'm going to be very frank with you - not just you but others will use it against you to tell you how weak you are and how at fault you are for interpreting your own reality. You're making excuses for history repeating itself again and again and again because you're NOT putting yourself first or being extremely clear about what ticks you off in a relationship. Don't ever second guess your instincts about whether someone is good for you or whether you are ok or not about the behaviours going on around you.

    Second, why on earth are you with such a person in the first place? He's shown what he is to you. I'd suggest you step aside from this, stop playing mind games with yourself and absolutely be truthful about what you like and what you dislike in a partner. His penchant for connections like this or the way he treats his social media should be a red flag to you and highly unattractive in a partner.

    Don't get sucked into the injustices of relationship status on social media either. If he doesn't reciprocate, see it exactly for what it is. Move on from this and like I've said, do NOT second guess your intuition.

  8. #17
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    Maybe he's just an old guy who can't operate facebook very well and likes boobs? Could still be faithful. Devil's advocate here.

  9. #18
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    You are choosing to ignore the big picture: he is not invested in your relationship,never has been. Find someone who is.

  10. #19
    Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    Maybe he's just an old guy who can't operate facebook very well and likes boobs? Could still be faithful. Devil's advocate here.
    I believe the first 3 characteristics are mutually inclusive...

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by FraniMar22
    Thank you. You definitely gave me a lot to think about. I'm definitely not a young kid. I'm 58 and he's 53. This relationship felt really good until I let my insecurities come out of hiding at the first sign of dishonesty. Now, I can't shake them off. I did address things with him, but he didn't sound convincing. He just said I was being way too insecure.
    Yikes! I thought you were in your late teens, early twenties.

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