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Thread: Ex gf making me suicidal

  1. #21
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    The more you react to her, the more she will continue trying to get a reaction. At the end of the day that's all she is looking for... validation and a reaction from you, because she knows she will get it if she tries hard enough.

    What do you do? You ignore her. Every time she creates a new account, gets a new #, or a new email, block it without a word. If she shows up at your work, have her removed by security or by the police without speaking to her. File a restraining order against her. Those things will all send a pretty clear message that you are done interacting with her.

    I had to do this with a guy I was going out with. He was pretty benign and didn't cause drama, but he would not take no for an answer. I blocked him everywhere until he found me on Linked In... gave him the benefit of the doubt cause he said he wanted career advice... soon it steered into inappropriate conversation and I blocked him there too, without saying a word as to why. He isn't stupid I am sure he got the message at that point.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I like the way you think, Rollo. Can relate to it in ways, and can relate to plenty in your story as well. I love my motorbikes too, you dig? I ride fast and sometimes seek fast rides in the wrong places, with the wrong people.

    So, some real talk coming from someone with about 15 years on you.

    Know what I say to everything you just wrote? I'll put it in one word: Whatever.

    I don't say that to dismiss your feelings or reduce your life to a shrug—hardly. I say that to push you to think of it differently, to give this chapter less power. Because that's all it is: a chapter, and a formative one, but not the thing that defines you or should define what "love" means to you.

    You got tangled up with a minx, and in the process your emotions were put through the shredder, a car got crashed, and in the aftermath you've got a little minx intent on staying in your orbit. Big whoop. Been there. That's how minx's work. You and I breathe air, they breathe attention.

    Think of her like fly, her little social media gestures as a fly landing on your skin—not even worth thinking about. Not even worth brushing off, it's that meaningless. It's not special or complicated. It's just a broken human being who has confused manipulation for connection, attention from others for her inner identity, and who, deep down, probably hates herself on a level you can't imagine and don't need to bother imagining.

    End scene. No need to keep pouring over the diagnostic texts, or watching the movie of your past on a loop in your mind. It's a waste of energy. It gives power to someone and a chapter that doesn't deserve it.

    You got some good things from a bad seed—happens. Focus on the former, not the latter. I bet the sex was hot, and that drug-like feeling you described? Bet that was nice too—think of both as a little taste of the real thing, a high dose of sugar to whet your appetite for fresh fruit and lead you to steer clear of the candy in the future.

    And in all the hail and brimstone that followed? Well, you survived—that's great. And in surviving there were lessons—lessons about kindness, not just to others, but to yourself. Lessons about boundaries. Lessons—this is the big one—that there are some people out there who simply aren't worth our time.

    Last thing I'll say, just to challenge you a bit: There might be a tiny little part of you, even now, even after it all, that gets a little rush out of her messaging you. A little shot of adrenaline and confusion. A little shot of still "mattering" to her. A certain pleasure in asking the same questions you asked when tangled up with her at its worst, maybe even a dash of pleasure in writing it all down, as you so eloquently did.

    If so, that's okay.

    But just acknowledge that real quick, to yourself. In the process you demystify it and, boom, more power lost and more room for you to keep pursuing what matters. Like the present tense. Like that new car and motorbike. Ride that when you want a rush, and when she worms her way in—it's not a bam. It's actually nothing. Just a fly wanting attention. Don't give it, even in your brain. She'll fly along elsewhere.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rollo
    Thanks for your response, I no longer respond to her what so ever, it’s been almost a year since the last time I replied, she just keeps on going with new accounts, I’ve never been violent towards her, the only time I’ve ever gotten physical was when she wouldn’t let me out of her house, I pushed her out of the door way and she fell on her knees all dramatically and screaming hysterically as if I had actually hit her, I’ve never hit a female in my life. I’ve been doing what I’ve been doing for a long time and it seems to be getting me nowhere, this is why I ask what to do, it doesn’t end.
    Maybe you ought to go to a lawyer and get him to write her a Cease and Desist letter on your behalf. Take copies of all the emails (hopefully you have kept them) and keep yourself off of social media. No one NEEDS to have an online presence unless its to promote your business/career.

    Your ex sounds like she's borderline personality disordered. At the very least, keep blocking her and keep your social media accounts private. Don't accept anything from people you do not know.

    I'm going to repeat the following because I think it's important that you listen and act on the advice, Rollo.
    Originally Posted by PurplePlank
    You don't deserve the kind of treatment she gave you, no one does. She has problems and instead of fixing herself she's relying on others to make her FEEL fixed instead of admitting fault. Whatever she does, rather that be threatening suicide, or self harm, those decisions are on HER. Something you can do for yourself is to see a therapist. They deal with abuse victims (and sadly, thats what you are) all the time and are way more qualified to deal with these things. Best of luck!

  4. 05-02-2019, 06:24 PM

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