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Hello everyone, 1st time ever using a forum so bear with me, just wanted to have some unbiased opinions on a certain matter with an ex that seems to be playing a lot of games with me. Long story short I fell deeply in love with a girl from the neighbourhood, I was 21 and she was 18 at the time, she had a very bubbly full on personality and I noticed our relationship progressed super fast.. she just wanted me and nobody else to have her and at the time she had me severely seduced, I agreed to make things official with her.

 

Things seemed great and she was everything I ever wanted and more.. she would literally do anything I wanted to make me happy, even get into the car scene with me which I thought was odd but wasn’t complaining. Things started progressing more and more and I found myself moving in with her and being engaged in under a year.. and believe me I was the type of person to want to rush things, my previous relationship lasted 4 years and I never even considered moving in with her or being engaged but this girl made me feel like I was on drugs.. it’s asif she was able to become anything if I want, like some sort of chameleon blending in just to make me fall hard for her.. then bam, it began.

 

I started copping verbal abuse, she started asking for my passwords, she started getting angry if I ever dared going out with my friends or having a social life, she convinced me to not have female friends, then I found myself distancing myself from friends and then family.. she kept planting seeds in my brain that everybody was ‘no good’ and literally only wanted me for herself. Then when I had lost everyone, the emotional abuse started, I found myself begging to get her attention while she was always out with friends male or female, her texts went from constant spamming to only hearing from her when she came home and when she came home she was always tired. I found myself, for the 1st time in my life, completely alone, I had nobody except this fiancé that had literally stripped anybody I had away from me. When I mentioned her going out with all these guys she would say they were just friends but when I had female friends and said the same to her it was a massive issue.

 

I found myself in a very dark place. She started dressing prettier, she was coming home late from work, always smelling of alcohol and when ever I asked what she got up to she would lash out at me for asking calling me a control freak when I never denied her anything. I couldn’t take it anymore, I had nobody to talk to and found myself crying every night, wishing I was gone because life had become so cruel, I wanted to leave her but I had no where to go, at the time I felt asif she deserved gratitude for being the only person to give me a roof over my head, she managed to manipulate me to think everybody was out their to ruin us, asif everybody was evil only for me to realise that the issue this whole time was her and only her.

 

So I started going out again, trying to get my old self back, trying to find happiness. I started amending old relationships with friends and family, I start doing things again and oh boy did she notice and she wasn’t having it. Since when are you an outing person?’ ‘I can’t be with someone that’s never home’ ‘didn’t I tell you that they wanted to ruin us’? ‘How can you trust them when I’m the only one that’s here for you through thick and thin’ it was never ending. I argued that I’m only doing what she is doing, that the relationship should be equal but her friends and family are all good whilst mine are all evil.

 

I started to notice this forced pattern of isolation, I started linking all her bad habits and googling them to only find out all her traits linked her to a sociopath/psychopath. When I started reading and digging deeper everyhing started to make sense, she was holding the strings to my life, I was her puppet, being manipulated into doing anything she wants. Enough was enough. I started getting my courage back and I fought back, I started taking charge of my life and then.. she would cry.. and cry and cry and guilt trip into going back to my old ways, black mailing me with suicide and self harm. I couldn’t take it, she had begun cutting herself and acting irrational, I folded and she had me hack under her control again and it all just started again, I was a slave to her household while she was going out and having fun with other men. Eventually i noticed her getting sloppy and not hiding her messages as well as she used to, I noticed all these love hearts popping up on her phone and boys talking dirty to her and asking fkd more photos..

 

I couldn’t help it, I had to snoop, only to find out shed been cheating on me this whole time, I was in one messed up love triangle with her and her exes and all these other guys, I couldn’t believe my eyes. The next morning I confronted her and asked if she was cheating on me. She looked me right in the eyes and said no handsome I love you and only you. She lied so effortlessly I couldn’t believe it, I felt so betrayed and enraged. I started screaming, screaming like I’ve never screamed before, my blood was absolutely boiling, I started calling her all sorts of names and showing her all the evidence. She drops to her knees and starts crying hysterically but I wasn’t falling for this again, I wanted to hit her, I wanted to kill her, this woman literally ruined my life, I lost everything and everyone because of her manipulation.

 

I felt like such a fool, I couldn’t take it anymore, I was about to hot her but I’d never hit a woman before, in my head I started yelling at myself saying you can’t hit girls so I attempted to leave the house before I did anything to her, she blocked the way begging me to not leave her, I couldn’t take this bs anymore, I grabbed her and pulled her out of the door way and she starts screaming as if I had hit her. I finally get out of the bedroom and her mother starts screaming at me ‘how dare you hit my princess, I’m calling the cops etc’ they were making it out asif I had done something horrendous. I knew the police would believe them over me, in Australia they seem to favour the females side with everyhing so I just called it quits, I got in my car, got in the freeway, hit 130kph and drive into a wall. The impact was huge and broke the windscreen with my head, I was bleeding and dizzy but I wasn’t dead, I was so angry that it didn’t work. My car still moved but really slowly I kept driving into barriers barely reaching 60kph and nothing, until eventually my car was completely immobile. I couldn’t stop crying. Why can’t I just die!’ My phone was going off constantly, it was her, she’d called about a hundred times. I finally answered to her crying and asking me where I was, I told her what happen. She hung up and came straight to me and took me to the hospital, I can’t understand this girl.

 

How could she treat me like that and somehow rush to my aid after everyhing. Eventually they let me out and sent me home, I claimed it was just an accident, I didn’t want to end up in a psych ward. She took care of me and everything felt like it was like during day 1, it was magical again. My father called me that day crying, he saw my car in pieces on the freeway and broke down. Our relationship became strong again with my family and I felt as if it was all a blessing in disguise. Everyhing felt like back to normal again. Months had passed and she told me her colleague was suicidal, a colleague that had been trying to steal her from me since he had started working at the same pizza shop as her.

 

I hated him, he was an older persistent Indian delivery driver that gave my relationship so many problems but I’m just not a vengeful person, I told her she could see him and make sure his okay. Eventually they start going out together for dinner and drinks and clubbing on so on. He starts messaging her things like I love you and they he misses her and I said things have gone to far. She said he was just a friend and for me to think nothing of it, that he was harmless but I knew that was not the case. We had a massive argument and she leaves and goes to his house for the night.

 

That was my last straw, I just pack all of my things, leave a break up note and move out. I block her from everything on social media. I start receiving hundreds of private calls and voicemails from her because private calls can’t be blocked. I just ignore them. She starts making new accounts on every social media platform and writing me paragraphs about how she fkd up and wants me back. I just keep blocking them but she keeps making more. I disable all my social media and turn my phone off for over a month, leave and quiet finally. I few months pass and I get a job requiring me to have my phone as I was a casual. I turn it back on and things seem quiet. Weeks go by so I reactive my social media. The coast seemed clear. Then in my birthday I get a birthday message, a shark dive experience worth hundreds of dollars and a massive birthday cake from my ex. By this time I had lost all bad feelings for her and sent her a thank you message because I felt guilty if I didn’t.

 

We get back on speaking terms and we seem to make good friends, my old feelings for her stsrt to come back, she seems a changed person but I knew I had to resist. I get a new gf and that’s when things started getting crazy again. She starts telling me that she’s no good and to break up with her, that she still loves me and how could I do this to her. She made me feel really guilty for trying to move on and I find myself breaking up with new girl out of guilt and I tell my ex and she’s all happy and ask to see me. Days go by and are texts start become more and more apart and she always had an excuse as to why I couldn’t see her until finally my ex disappears. I thought what the hell? Few days later I run into her at the shops with that same 30 old Indian guy, they see me and avoid me like the plague. I was furious.

 

I unblock her on social media to only notice that she was dating him the whole time she was telling me to break up with my girl. I felt so betrayed once again. I wanted to kill him, I wanted to kill her, I wanted to hurt everyhing, I hated the world for being so fkn cruel to me but I just took it out at the gym, I just tried to remain sane and not doing anything irrational but I felt like I had lost my soul, I felt so empty inside, I fail all my subjects uni that semester, I find myself in a very dark place once again but I stayed strong, I was lucky last time and I knew it, I promised myself never to attemp suicide again no matter how difficult things got. Months go by and tine felt very slow until I finally meet a new girl, shes a very honest and faithful girl, she works very hard and genuinely cares for me and lets me do anything I want and I gave her the same treatment.

 

Life finally starts to feel somewhat normal again, I start passing classes, I start my son business and made heaps of money, I bought a nice car and motor bike and go on holidays, life is good and then bam. She starts making new social media accounts to try and get to me again and get me to talk to her, saying she misses me and etc while she is still with this Indian guy but I’m not falling for this again, she’s dead to me but she just never quits, it’s been years now and she just doesn’t quit, my question to everyone is what the do I do? How do you get rid of a psychopath once and for all, I can’t take it anymore of this .

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Your entire post is riddled with blame games, violence and blatant disregard for each other. I think asking what should you do is a bit trite and makes no sense. You've already done what you ought to do. Stop waiting like a sitting duck to be eaten up again and again by this nonsense. Move on with your life and stop self-sabotaging by leaving loopholes in your progress to happiness. Continue blocking her again and again and again. Do NOT respond to her.

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Thanks for your response, I no longer respond to her what so ever, it’s been almost a year since the last time I replied, she just keeps on going with new accounts, I’ve never been violent towards her, the only time I’ve ever gotten physical was when she wouldn’t let me out of her house, I pushed her out of the door way and she fell on her knees all dramatically and screaming hysterically as if I had actually hit her, I’ve never hit a female in my life. I’ve been doing what I’ve been doing for a long time and it seems to be getting me nowhere, this is why I ask what to do, it doesn’t end.

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On social media, there are privacy settings so that random people can't message you or follow you. You can always simply delete your accounts. You can change your number and also keep it private, don't give it out to anyone other than closest friends and fam and request that they do not share your number under any circumstances. Change your e-mail addresses and again, limit who has access to that.

 

She can only keep contacting you because you keep leaving the door ajar. Besides, block and delete and otherwise absolute silence is really the best way to respond. Don't even read, just block that way she can't get any "read" messages.

 

Calling her psycho....you are actually dead on point. They go away if they don't get any response or attention from you. The moment you respond, you are feeding the monster and they'll latch on again and again just because they like to mess with you that way and because they see you as weak prey. Don't confuse her behavior for love or caring. She isn't capable of that. It's all a psychological game for her and she already knows she can manipulate you because your "no" is really just a "maybe" and a "maybe" can be turned into a "yes".

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Thank you so much dancing fool, when I started teasing into the psychology of a psycho it all started making sense, it gave me clarity because I was so confused, I now realise that it was all just a game and I was just an object to her

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Thanks for your response, I no longer respond to her what so ever, it’s been almost a year since the last time I replied, she just keeps on going with new accounts, I’ve never been violent towards her, the only time I’ve ever gotten physical was when she wouldn’t let me out of her house, I pushed her out of the door way and she fell on her knees all dramatically and screaming hysterically as if I had actually hit her, I’ve never hit a female in my life. I’ve been doing what I’ve been doing for a long time and it seems to be getting me nowhere, this is why I ask what to do, it doesn’t end.

 

Start approaching it (mentally) that is has ended. It's over. I'm sorry and I'm not one to downplay the pain and confusion of someone else's situation but this seems more to me like a case of making it out to be more than what it's worth. This really has no more bearing on your life. She's not stalking you at work or vandalizing your house or your car or harassing your current girlfriend. She's not approaching your work place or doing anything that might give you grounds for a restraining order. She's just being impish and quite stupid about the way she uses technology because she knows it gets to you. Stop letting it get to you and do consider this completely over. She can do whatever she likes to get a hold of you, keep on blocking and ignoring.

 

The reason I mentioned violence is because on more than one occasion you said that you wanted to kill someone. That is not healthy and I hope you have really moved past that point. Those thoughts are violent and thinking them is no different from acting out in violence. It is not ok to think that way. I'm also going to mention your thread title above referencing suicide. That is not ok and it is not normal. Reverting to suicidal thoughts to solve your problems is not ok. Speak to a professional about handling your anxieties and thoughts, someone who is equipped to deal with those emotions. Our thoughts become us over time.

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Start approaching it (mentally) that is has ended. It's over. I'm sorry and I'm not one to downplay the pain and confusion of someone else's situation but this seems more to me like a case of making it out to be more than what it's worth. This really has no more bearing on your life. She's not stalking you at work or vandalizing your house or your car or harassing your current girlfriend. She's not approaching your work place or doing anything that might give you grounds for a restraining order. She's just being impish and quite stupid about the way she uses technology because she knows it gets to you. Stop letting it get to you and do consider this completely over. She can do whatever she likes to get a hold of you, keep on blocking and ignoring.

 

The reason I mentioned violence is because on more than one occasion you said that you wanted to kill someone. That is not healthy and I hope you have really moved past that point. Those thoughts are violent and thinking them is no different from acting out in violence. It is not ok to think that way. I'm also going to mention your thread title above referencing suicide. That is not ok and it is not normal. Reverting to suicidal thoughts to solve your problems is not ok. Speak to a professional about handling your anxieties and thoughts, someone who is equipped to deal with those emotions. Our thoughts become us over time.

 

Thanks again Rose, I understand what you’re trying to say, I forgot to mention the reason I got a new job was because she would keep visiting and causing a scene, she would cry and leave notes with massive paragraphs begging for me back, she would also constantly send random gifts to my home, she was very very persistent even during her current relationship, i almost want to tell the Indian bloke what is going on behind his back but he had complete disregard for my feelings of my well being even after I tried to help him during his dark times so I’d rather stick to myself rather then trying to be a hero all the time and the people I save ending up stabbing me in the back anyway, the reason for my violent thoughts is I consistently have been a loyal and compassionate person throughout my life as I’ve been brought up that way by an old school wog family yet somehow i up being disposed and betrayed on a regular basis by people I was always loyal to, it just gets to you after a while

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Being loyal comes with conditions. Namely that you can only be loyal to people who are the same. If you are blindly loyal to everyone, you'll get eaten alive so to speak. Don't blame your family and upbringing, start using some common sense calibration and choosing on who, where, when and what's appropriate for your efforts. In short, learn some proper boundaries with people and that comes from you.

 

If you bought two tv's from the same company and they both broke down within a month of use, would you keep buying that brand? No, right. Same applies to human relationships, be it romantic partners, business, friendships, etc. You can only give so much and so many chances, but if people don't live up to expectations, you have to move on instead of sticking around and brewing in your own resentments.

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Being loyal comes with conditions. Namely that you can only be loyal to people who are the same. If you are blindly loyal to everyone, you'll get eaten alive so to speak. Don't blame your family and upbringing, start using some common sense calibration and choosing on who, where, when and what's appropriate for your efforts. In short, learn some proper boundaries with people and that comes from you.

 

If you bought two tv's from the same company and they both broke down within a month of use, would you keep buying that brand? No, right. Same applies to human relationships, be it romantic partners, business, friendships, etc. You can only give so much and so many chances, but if people don't live up to expectations, you have to move on instead of sticking around and brewing in your own resentments.

 

 

Thanks dancing fool, I dont blame my family for my up bringing, I’m just brought up that way that being good will attract good, they preach about karma and I ultimately respect their ideas, I do agree though that I give too many chances, I’m way to forgiving and it’s only caused me emotional pain.

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Thanks dancing fool, I dont blame my family for my up bringing, I’m just brought up that way that being good will attract good, they preach about karma and I ultimately respect their ideas, I do agree though that I give too many chances, I’m way to forgiving and it’s only caused me emotional pain.

 

Sure, those are good general ideas, but they come with caveats. For example being a kind and giving person will attract like people, BUT will also attract users in even greater quantities. So it's on you to recognize who is a user and cut them out of your life ruthlessly. Strong personal boundaries are critical. The word "no" is the most powerful word in every language.

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Thanks again Rose, I understand what you’re trying to say, I forgot to mention the reason I got a new job was because she would keep visiting and causing a scene, she would cry and leave notes with massive paragraphs begging for me back, she would also constantly send random gifts to my home, she was very very persistent even during her current relationship, i almost want to tell the Indian bloke what is going on behind his back but he had complete disregard for my feelings of my well being even after I tried to help him during his dark times so I’d rather stick to myself rather then trying to be a hero all the time and the people I save ending up stabbing me in the back anyway, the reason for my violent thoughts is I consistently have been a loyal and compassionate person throughout my life as I’ve been brought up that way by an old school wog family yet somehow i up being disposed and betrayed on a regular basis by people I was always loyal to, it just gets to you after a while

 

You're not creating healthy boundaries for yourself. Part of maturing and being a grown up is owning your wrongs and owning your shortcomings. Look them straight on and tell yourself that you do have the ability to change the way you see and act and recreate safe and thriving spaces around you. I don't suggest replaying the terrible events in your life that have led up to this or continuously using your past as an excuse for your shortcomings now. Start addressing more solutions and creating better boundaries. We all have had harrowing times in our life. It's how we pick up and deal with them that matters and how we start to recreate new realities and new ways of thinking and growing.

 

You are cognizant of your shortcomings. All you need to do now is motivation and desire to live differently and the energy to move on. You don't seem to be fueling your energy sources properly. I'm taking a stab in the dark here and going by my gut feeling about you. If you're not tapping into your hobbies, your interests and nurturing your friendships and associations, your energies are dangerously low. Start accessing your strengths in order to fuel working past your weaknesses. You cannot move forwards if you don't have the energy or the motivation to do so.

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Honestly, the only thing I can think of is to be brutally, painfully honest. Tell her she's sick, she ruins lives and that you don't want her anywhere near you again. Dig up all the messages you can, all the fake accounts and phone calls that can prove she's harassing you and take screenshots in case she tries to manipulate the situation to make you out to be the bad guy. You don't deserve the kind of treatment she gave you, no one does. She has problems and instead of fixing herself she's relying on others to make her FEEL fixed instead of admitting fault. Whatever she does, rather that be threatening suicide, or self harm, those decisions are on HER. Something you can do for yourself is to see a therapist. They deal with abuse victims (and sadly, thats what you are) all the time and are way more qualified to deal with these things. Best of luck!

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The more you react to her, the more she will continue trying to get a reaction. At the end of the day that's all she is looking for... validation and a reaction from you, because she knows she will get it if she tries hard enough.

 

What do you do? You ignore her. Every time she creates a new account, gets a new #, or a new email, block it without a word. If she shows up at your work, have her removed by security or by the police without speaking to her. File a restraining order against her. Those things will all send a pretty clear message that you are done interacting with her.

 

I had to do this with a guy I was going out with. He was pretty benign and didn't cause drama, but he would not take no for an answer. I blocked him everywhere until he found me on Linked In... gave him the benefit of the doubt cause he said he wanted career advice... soon it steered into inappropriate conversation and I blocked him there too, without saying a word as to why. He isn't stupid I am sure he got the message at that point.

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I like the way you think, Rollo. Can relate to it in ways, and can relate to plenty in your story as well. I love my motorbikes too, you dig? I ride fast and sometimes seek fast rides in the wrong places, with the wrong people.

 

So, some real talk coming from someone with about 15 years on you.

 

Know what I say to everything you just wrote? I'll put it in one word: Whatever.

 

I don't say that to dismiss your feelings or reduce your life to a shrug—hardly. I say that to push you to think of it differently, to give this chapter less power. Because that's all it is: a chapter, and a formative one, but not the thing that defines you or should define what "love" means to you.

 

You got tangled up with a minx, and in the process your emotions were put through the shredder, a car got crashed, and in the aftermath you've got a little minx intent on staying in your orbit. Big whoop. Been there. That's how minx's work. You and I breathe air, they breathe attention.

 

Think of her like fly, her little social media gestures as a fly landing on your skin—not even worth thinking about. Not even worth brushing off, it's that meaningless. It's not special or complicated. It's just a broken human being who has confused manipulation for connection, attention from others for her inner identity, and who, deep down, probably hates herself on a level you can't imagine and don't need to bother imagining.

 

End scene. No need to keep pouring over the diagnostic texts, or watching the movie of your past on a loop in your mind. It's a waste of energy. It gives power to someone and a chapter that doesn't deserve it.

 

You got some good things from a bad seed—happens. Focus on the former, not the latter. I bet the sex was hot, and that drug-like feeling you described? Bet that was nice too—think of both as a little taste of the real thing, a high dose of sugar to whet your appetite for fresh fruit and lead you to steer clear of the candy in the future.

 

And in all the hail and brimstone that followed? Well, you survived—that's great. And in surviving there were lessons—lessons about kindness, not just to others, but to yourself. Lessons about boundaries. Lessons—this is the big one—that there are some people out there who simply aren't worth our time.

 

Last thing I'll say, just to challenge you a bit: There might be a tiny little part of you, even now, even after it all, that gets a little rush out of her messaging you. A little shot of adrenaline and confusion. A little shot of still "mattering" to her. A certain pleasure in asking the same questions you asked when tangled up with her at its worst, maybe even a dash of pleasure in writing it all down, as you so eloquently did.

 

If so, that's okay.

 

But just acknowledge that real quick, to yourself. In the process you demystify it and, boom, more power lost and more room for you to keep pursuing what matters. Like the present tense. Like that new car and motorbike. Ride that when you want a rush, and when she worms her way in—it's not a bam. It's actually nothing. Just a fly wanting attention. Don't give it, even in your brain. She'll fly along elsewhere.

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Thanks for your response, I no longer respond to her what so ever, it’s been almost a year since the last time I replied, she just keeps on going with new accounts, I’ve never been violent towards her, the only time I’ve ever gotten physical was when she wouldn’t let me out of her house, I pushed her out of the door way and she fell on her knees all dramatically and screaming hysterically as if I had actually hit her, I’ve never hit a female in my life. I’ve been doing what I’ve been doing for a long time and it seems to be getting me nowhere, this is why I ask what to do, it doesn’t end.

Maybe you ought to go to a lawyer and get him to write her a Cease and Desist letter on your behalf. Take copies of all the emails (hopefully you have kept them) and keep yourself off of social media. No one NEEDS to have an online presence unless its to promote your business/career.

 

Your ex sounds like she's borderline personality disordered. At the very least, keep blocking her and keep your social media accounts private. Don't accept anything from people you do not know.

 

I'm going to repeat the following because I think it's important that you listen and act on the advice, Rollo.

You don't deserve the kind of treatment she gave you, no one does. She has problems and instead of fixing herself she's relying on others to make her FEEL fixed instead of admitting fault. Whatever she does, rather that be threatening suicide, or self harm, those decisions are on HER. Something you can do for yourself is to see a therapist. They deal with abuse victims (and sadly, thats what you are) all the time and are way more qualified to deal with these things. Best of luck!
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