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Thread: How to to get over a crush at the work place

  1. #1
    Bronze Member Viceroy's Avatar
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    How to to get over a crush at the work place

    I work at a financial firm , culture is super laid back ( as in no one dresses up). There is a girl who is a few desks away from me and I have become increasingly interested in her .

    I have no reason to talk to her , as technically she's in another department. I just find myself getting upset or more so frustrated , it will go nowhere, although I would love to go out for a pizza etc...with her .

    So my question is 1) thoughts on trying to start something with a co-worker ?
    2) should I just forget about it ?
    3) how to stop feeling like garbage over the whole thing , thanks

  2. #2
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    Have you ever said hi to her? Why not see if a bunch of co-workers want to go out for drinks and invite her

  3. #3
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    It's usually a mistake to start something with a co-worker.

    But if you feel compelled to do so, start with a conversation. Ask her how long she's been with the company and if she enjoys it, etc. You should get a feel from her body language if she likes talking to you or she wishes you'd go away.

  4. #4
    Bronze Member Afireblue's Avatar
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    I used to have a huge crush on a guy I work with, we flirted a bit with each other, but decided it was not a good idea, so I started focusing my attention on other guys, I did online dating, slowly my crush faded.

    Not a good idea to date people you work with, I still like him, find him attractive but I'm not crushing on him anymore

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  6. #5
    Silver Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    Workplaces are very common for people to find someone at. Let's face most of us spend more time at work than at home. Also whole comfort level/familiarity is a good component.
    However, as others have already addressed, tread carefully because if the relationship with Sally from Accounting goes sour, so does your job and thus your livelihood.

    So I say if you hate your job and are looking for a change anyway, try to connect with her.

    If not, your best bet is to try different avenues for dating.

  7. #6
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    Pesky pheromones are driving this. If all went well, fine. But if not? Job risk, co-worker risk, etc.

    Personally, if it were me? I'd get to know her in a group setting. You may find she has ZERO interest in you. If that is the case, you can save yourself from asking her out to be shot down.

  8. #7
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I can't relate (the thought churns my stomach) and dating coworkers just has a total off feel for me: a bit like what mating with a chimp or a balloon might feel like or some other bizarre, messed up reality situation. I've never felt that way and I once did have a coworker try to date me and we were good friends but I just could not do it. It physically made me feel ill/nauseous but I don't think it had to do with the work or the company. I just could not get my head around the fact that we worked together and it was involuntarily repulsive.

    I don't think you need to feel terrible about it if it feels natural to you. Different people operate differently. I've only shared my perspective because you'll have to come to terms that not everyone is going to approach this the same way. In my case I respected my (previous) coworker a lot but could never get around the fact that we worked together even after I left that position. He still pursued me but I couldn't do it! Why not just get it over with and ask her if she wants to grab lunch with you sometime?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    1) Not a good idea because if things go South you are stuck with seeing them day in day out, plus it can create office gossip that may harm one's credibility 2) You should focus your attention and energy elsewhere 3) Feeling like garbage indicates that you are going through a low self-esteem phase? Why? There is no reason to put yourself down like that. You have done nothing wrong. Imo, the way to resolve this is by focusing your attention on other things and/or people. You need to take her off the pedestal. In reality, she is just a stranger that you have overidealized in your head due to lack of other interests. Adding confidence building activities in your everyday life is likely the way to deflate this crush.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I like to keep my professional and personal life separate.... depending on your role, dating someone at work can be detrimental to your credibility and / or the respect of your peers.

  11. #10
    Bronze Member Viceroy's Avatar
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    No , I haven't , it took me like a week to figure out her name and I managed to find her on YouTube , she has a huge following.

    I would like to talk to her but there really is no reason to , unless I follow her into the office kitchen when she gets a coffee

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