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Thread: Facebook Messages

  1. #31
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Heatwave
    Should I be worried that my husband is sending private messages on Facebook to another woman? Sorry but I will admit that I checked my husband's Facebook messages a few months ago. I know I shouldn't have. But I found messages from where he was is a relationship with a woman before I meet him. But he never told me that they was in a relationship. They have been friends since high school. They lived in different states so the relationship was just talk. From what I can tell she just stopped talking to him. But after we got together and was engaged to be married she started messaging him again. Now from what I read he never said anything inappropriate to her since we been together. But she did tell him that he was the one that got away. Now we got married last year but what I didn't know was that our wedding was on her birthday. She message him on our wedding day to tell him that. So here is where I have a problem. This year on our anniversary he sent her a private message telling her happy birthday. But I feel that if he only thinks of her as a friend then he should have posted it on her Facebook and not in private. Am I reading to much into this or should I be worried?
    I don't think you're crazy. If I were in his shoes, I would stop talking to this woman the minute she told me that I was the one who got away. That's a lot of meaningless flattery. Why say something like that unless you're trying to ingratiate yourself to another person? And why say something like that when you know the recipient is in a committed relationship with someone else?

    Also, I'm not interested to hear that your birthday is on my anniversary because my anniversary is not about you. It's about me, my partner, and our relationship.

    It seems pretty obvious to me where she was going with all of that, and I wouldn't entertain it. just can't stand manipulative people. But that's just me.

  2. #32
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    Thank you everyone for your input. I'm not worried about my husband. I truly believe that he loves me and only me. I'm more worried about this woman trying to come in between us. Should I ask him to remove/block her or just trust my husband? Now remember she only started messaging him again on our wedding day with the comment that he was the one that got away.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Help me understand some things.

    Has your husband seen her since high school? Have they been regularly messaging throughout the year or so that you've been married? And what was the context where she said he was the one that got away? What was his response?

    And has this woman come up as a talking point between you guys with some frequency?

    I think you should trust your husband. But I also think you should be able to talk to your husband about your feelings and anything that concerns you. The tricky thing here, of course, is that in asking him for clearer boundaries you have to own up to reading his messages.

  4. #34
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    My husband knows that I seen the messages. The message from her was. I'm sorry that you are getting married today. You will always have a place in my heart as you was the one that got away. You can always think of me on your anniversary because it's my birthday. His reply was oh I didn't know it was your birthday so happy birthday.

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    So that was a year ago? And then this year he reached out and wished her a happy birthday?

  7. #36
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She can't come between you if you're 'not worried about your husband'.
    Originally Posted by Heatwave
    I'm not worried about my husband.
    I'm more worried about this woman trying to come in between us.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    She can't come between you if you're 'not worried about your husband'.
    This is actually a really great point.

    If you're not worried about your husband then a supermodel could stop him on his way to work, ask if he wants to take a helicopter to a yacht for the weekend, and you know he wouldn't flinch because he's with you, committed to you.

    So maybe it's worth changing this conversation a bit, to accept that you are a bit worriedóand that's okay. You know that this woman had some kind of influence over his last marriage, and her messages do indicate that she's wistful in a way that doesn't respect your marriage.

    Being bummed that the "one that got away" is getting marriedówell, that's totally allowed, totally human. Sharing it with that personówell, that's totally uncool, selfish and immature. It's an attempt to stir the pot.

    While your husband doesn't seem to be giving into that, he doesn't quite seem to be shutting it down in a way that works for you. Per some or Rose's posts, I do think it's important that those of us in relationshipsóand especially marriagesókeep pot-stirrers out. There's just no place for them, nothing they offer save for the potential of drama.

    Have you had a calm and open talk with him about your feelings about this woman?

  9. #38
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    No I haven't really talked to him about her. I'm trying to keep an open mind and don't want to act the crazy wife that don't allow her husband to have female friends. This is really the only one that I dislike. And it's all because her messages to him. There was a few messages from her during the past year asking him to call her. But I didn't see where he responded to any of them.

  10. #39
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    Originally Posted by Heatwave

    But I didn't see where he responded to any of them.
    To me, this is shutting her down.

    Short of him blatantly telling her to bugger off, which being she has been a long time friend since HS, he may feel is rude and unnecessary, I think not responding is fine. Good.

    I also understand why you hesitate bringing it up, making it an issue when there actually isn't one. Again jmo.

    There will always be women trying to come between you; for me, I've learned to live w it.

    As long as my bf does not engage and encourage it, it's not an issue for me.

    I admit, w prior bf's it was at times, human nature, but when there is mutual trust and your connection is strong and solid, I focus on that and don't allow it to get to me.

    With respect to him sending her a bday greeting, again just me, I would let it go but continue observing.

    If things appear to be off, his behaviour shady in any way, or if you feel he is not himself and hiding something, then talk to him about that.

    I realize my response differs fm others, best to weigh all responses, and do what's best for you.

  11. #40
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Heatwave
    No I haven't really talked to him about her. I'm trying to keep an open mind and don't want to act the crazy wife that don't allow her husband to have female friends. This is really the only one that I dislike. And it's all because her messages to him. There was a few messages from her during the past year asking him to call her. But I didn't see where he responded to any of them.
    You're his wife. Start acting like it. I think you're too afraid and debilitated by your fears of how you appear to other people and instead of getting things done and being assertive or speaking your mind as you ought to do, you're making excuses for your own poor behaviour. You SHOULD be speaking with him directly about what bothers you.

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