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Thread: No hope for friendship but i still feel the need to at least apologize

  1. #1
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    No hope for friendship but i still feel the need to at least apologize

    I did something unforgivable to a female friend of mine.that I work with I wrote her a goodbye letter (Well it was a good bye letter to things that happened in the past not our frienship (But as it turns out it was that also) I wanted her to know things like how I miss how our friendship was share a few memories,.apologize for overdoing it and ruining the friendship. Clear up any misunderstandings and promise to be a better friend but I was so paranoid that it would get lost in her message requests because I had overdone it that because it was important for me for her to see it I wrote it on her facebook wall (Where yes her friends could see it) Now I wrote nothing bad about her but when she saw it she blocked me and we do not speak at work. I know she will never forgive me. Today for the first time in a week she stood next to me I do not know if she wanted me to apologize but she since she blocked me I figure she does not want me to talk to her at all and I will respect her. But I do feel this need to apologize. I am thinking that maybe I should just let things stay as they are but maybe this friday which will be 2 weeks or next friiday I will do something like buy Dunkin Downuts for all my co workers BUT I will also buy a box just for her with her favorite and leave an apology card inside that says something like I am just spitballing here "I know that what I did was unforgiveable and buying you a stupid box of donuts is not going to change that and I know you never want to speak to me agaiin and I will respect your wishes BUT just apologizing to you is just not good enough I had to make some sort of gesture even one as pathetic as this to let you know how sorry I am. I love you and I wish you nothing but the best for you,

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What happened that was unforgivable? If she blocked you is would be best to step way back and leave her alone. Perhaps in time she will come around. Never publicize your feelings on someone else's social media.
    Originally Posted by Mets6986
    I did something unforgivable to a female friend of mine.

    she since she blocked me

  3. #3
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    You did something unforgivable.
    And then on top of that did worse. Made it public on her fb.
    She doesn’t want your donuts.

    What do you want? Forgiveness for something you said is unforgivable?
    Whatever you did and that you self confess is unforgivable by her , is not unforgivable by you!
    Forgive yourself! Buy yourself donuts if you think that helps ,but don’t expect anything from her. The more you try , the bigger the hole you dig for yourself.

    Let it go! Your acceptance that you did wrong is all you need.
    You don’t have to prove that to her or anyone else.

    It’s probably not as monumental as you think it is is right now.

    Take time out and stop trying to fix it!

  4. #4
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    An apology is “I’m sorry”. Not the 85 words you wrote out above (yes, I counted them).

    If you want to apologize for being all wordy and blowing up her inbox - and then going all extra and writing on her wall publicly - the answer is to do the opposite. It’s NOT to apologize by being all wordy and going all extra publicly.

    The opposite, IMO, is to talk to her in person (like when she was standing next to you), simply say “I’m sorry” and leave it at that. No explanations. No justifications. No “I know it’s not enough blah blah blah”. Just “I’m sorry” period - and let her talk (or not).

    Just my opinion.

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  6. #5
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    If you had something to say, you should’ve privately messaged her, not wrote it on her public facebook wall.

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    This isn't an apology. You are throwing a very selfish tantrum demanding her attention no matter what. Dude, you already went too far to the point where she had to block you. You blew up her in-box, but that wasn't good enough for you, so you deliberately posted publicly on her wall where you had no business to air your dirty laundry, but you didn't care so long as you get what you want. Now you want to continue to push that with her with yet another way to get her attention. STOP. Leave her alone before you get slapped with a harassment claim against you and get fired from your job. Nobody likes a drama queen, which is what you are being right now. If she decides to forgive you and renew the friendship, it will only be on her terms and only IF she can see that you've actually learned, matured and won't stomp all over her the way you are doing right now. Silence and respect is what you need to show, not demands for her attention poorly cloaked as "apologies".

    Also, if you are going to say sorry, then just say "I'm sorry" and that's all. Lose all the wording like "stupid, pathetic, etc." That's not an apology, it's drama.

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    What did you say?

    I do not understand your story? We do not know your situation and you need to explain things more clearly.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    The method was odd, Mets. Now that it's done, just give her the space. You can't undo what's done and from the sounds of it you do realize where you went wrong posting on her social media page for third parties to see. It must have been very embarrassing for her in some way but you might have felt that others already were aware and you didn't mind making a public apology. I understand the intention and the scope. I just think that where the link was missed was in respecting her privacy and regardless of how much you wanted to apologize, what she thinks and feels matters also in the aftermath. You cannot force anyone to deal with anything after the fact and you cannot force someone to accept your apology no matter how bad you want them to.

    I think you over-compensated and I wouldn't suggest apologizing anymore. I feel like you're upset and working through your anxiety about this friendship but that anxiety is blocking out a lot of basic common sense. You should know that as humans we all feel insecure and anxious at some point or another. There is nothing unusual about that. You shouldn't feel alone. I do feel like you are exhibiting very high anxiety regarding this relationship. I know what anxiety feels like. Out of curiosity, do you have a history of anxious thoughts when it comes to social interactions?

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    Well I am glad I came here and talked about it BEFORE I did something stupid instead of AFTER I did something stupid (Which is my norm) Yesterday at work she was standing next to me (which she usually does not) and part of me wanted to say that I was sorry and another part of me was saying that she does not want to hear a word from you and you need to respect that and that is what I went with because I got in this mess in the first place by overdoing it and over apologizing and explaining and I will probably just respect her wishes and never speak to her again so maybe it is best that I do not apologize to her unless she speaks to me someday

  11. #10
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    I think if I was just to walk up to her and say a simple I'm sorry and just keep on going would actually make things worse because I am not respecting her wish to be alone.I know that I am in this mess because I overdid it so I do believe the only possible way out if there is any is to just leave her alone. But then do I not just apologize Right now to be honest I do not trust my instincts at all.

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