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Thread: Over-Communication

  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Abit, we are on the exact same page about that! I thought the same thing!

    Long drive, please, no heavy "relationship" talk, make it fun!

    And lol @ "unpleasant stink bomb" -- well said. :)
    YES. EXACTLY. "four hours. woohoo - we will finally have time to hash out what is on our wish list for places during our European trip" - that would be a yes. But "we need to talk about the pace and flow of our relationship" -- i would think that's when in a movie one person would tell the other person to walk the rest of the way lol.

  2. #32
    Silver Member Goodfellas's Avatar
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    Okay, point takenónot going to bring it up on long roadie. I will at some point in next week though.

    We just got off our usual pre-bed phone call and it was actually great. It was 45 minutes with only one lull. The convo flowed well and we laughed, made plans for my hometown visit this weekend. 😊

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by Goodfellas
    Okay, point takenónot going to bring it up on long roadie. I will at some point in next week though.
    You didn't get the point if you STILL are going to bring it up -- unless you will bring it up gently i.e. "I prefer hearing your voice over texting. How about we do a quick call at lunch" vs "let's talk about the flow and pace of our relationship.

  4. #34
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I agree very much with abitbroken. First off, all this texting while you two are working, nightly phone calls lacking substance.... even though novelty does naturally wane a bit over time, you guys are actually making an effort to double down on the monotony. To reiterate my perspective, I think it's strange, particularly if she's the driving force behind it, but I can't blame her too much if 1.5 years have gone by and you two haven't sufficiently made an effort to start physically integrating each other into your lives. When you're only reliably seeing each other weekends, you really don't have much else to run on. Keep this going another year and you'll start having time served as a sole terrible excuse to skip 1,001 steps you should have been taking between now and dropping to a knee in front of her.

    I actually agree a bit with katarina in now that this is the standard, it can be awkward pulling back unannounced. It's a big reason I never so much as hint I'm a fan of SMS convos. But in your case, it's why putting in an effort elsewhere while pulling back when it comes to more droning behaviors would likely get you pretty far, and honestly much more substantively. But while I'd probably lay off the phone a bit and let her do as she pleases on her end, if you feel the only course of action is a chat, make it brief, kick the drama, and go with something akin or identical to what IAG suggested.

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  6. #35
    Silver Member Goodfellas's Avatar
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    I hear (read?) you all loud and clear. Donít make it ďa chatĒ and donít lessen comms unannounced. I will find a happy medium.

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by Goodfellas
    I hear (read?) you all loud and clear. Donít make it ďa chatĒ and donít lessen comms unannounced. I will find a happy medium.
    But don't "announce" it. Just initiate an alternative. its okay once in awhile to be in a meeting and not respond right away, though!

  8. #37
    Forum Supporter Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Goodfellas
    Iíve also noticed she doesnít really listen as she asks same questions twice and Iím guilty too as Iím playing on my phone half listening to her. Rinse and repeat each night before bed.

    I want to suggest communicating less Ė either texting less throughout the day or talking every other night Ė in an effort keep things fresh. My fear is weíre becoming boring and predictable but I donít want her to see my request for less communication as Iím losing interest in her.

    Can anyone shed some light on this please?

    Thanks in advance!
    Just today, I called my boyfriend on my way home from work and he asked how my day was.

    I said, "It was really busy, but good. How was your day?"

    He said, "It was fine," and elaborated on a couple of things that had happened during his day.

    Then he asked, "How was your day?"

    I said, "It was as busy as it was when I told you a minute ago. HOW WAS YOUR DAY?" And we both laughed.

    That sort of thing happens to us all the time. It doesn't mean anything but that we're boring and predictable in this one way. Our relationship is great despite it. We've been together now for almost seven years.

    Personally, I don't think it's necessary to reduce communication over this. It's a small issue. The relationship should be able to survive a little boredom and predictability here and there. Why postpone the inevitable?

  9. #38
    Silver Member Goodfellas's Avatar
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    Haha Jibralta that was good. Thanks for sharing that anecdote and putting a positive spin on it!

  10. #39
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Such great advice here so far OP... what I would add (if it hasnít been said, I didnít read all the posts) is that if you want more interesting answers, stop asking boring and predictable questions (eg how was your day) and ask ones that provoke thought and conversation. Listen to what she is saying and dive into a topic with her. Talk about a topic you are both passionate about instead of work. Share YOUR deep thoughts on something and ask her what she thinks. You donít need to tell her she is giving boring answers just do your part to make them more interesting.

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