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Thread: Am I handling this properly?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2008
    OP - are you on the autistic spectrum, or ever been assessed for autism? I work with adults on the autistic spectrum, and also know a couple of people socially who are. It's just that the vulnerability expressed in your posts, and the difficulty you have in reading people and social situations, reminds me of the situations some of our service users experience.

    I may be completely off-beam here, but it may be that your issues won't be properly addressed by regular counselling and something more specialist might be better for you.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    In spite of all the limitations you feel you have, you are still able to list his red flags and though you aren't firm about it, you are proving that you are capable of setting limits on how you expect to be treated. Maybe not firm ones or ones that you trust, but with practice it will come.

    I agree with others that you probably should have cut him off at the sexual innuendos, but somehow between the two of you you managed to turn that around for a short time.

    Life throws us challenges and though he says he's deep in the middle of his, if your relationship was important to him he would be making time for you. That and the lack of testing show's you his intentions, despite everything he says to the contrary.

    Don't listen to his words, watch his actions. There you have your answer.
    Continue working on yourself until you believe you deserve better.

    Self esteem comes from making decisions in your own self care. Saying no to this guy will in turn add to your self esteem.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Rule 1,543,256 for the insecure girl... just because someone pursues you doesn't mean they are a good person to be in a relationship with. You are giving your power away to this guy which is why, when he holds you to account for your decisions, you bend like a blade of grass.

    The coach and his wife told me everything to say, and I wrote it down and called him and said it as soon as they left. It didn't work. He started asking questions I wasn't sure how to answer, and it just didn't work
    I am not surprised this didn't work out for you. You are not only giving your power away to some guy, you are giving your power away to your coach and his wife so you literally have no foundation left to stand on which is why you can't stand up for yourself in conversations.

    You need to work on building your confidence and getting a backbone that will enable you to bend but not break... get a solid foundation so you don't crumble with the slightest breath of wind. Find someone that will help you be YOU... find out what that best version of yourself is... and continue working towards that.

    The positive thing is that you continue to set boundaries, and evaluate your decisions, and look for opportunities to grow as a person... keep up the good work!

    You are enough, period.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Central Canada
    This guy is a flake. Anyone who was really serious about you wouldn't go three weeks without seeing you no matter how busy they were because they fired an employee. There is always time to be with someone you love even if its not as much time as it was before life got in the way. A lunch date, getting together at his work for take out even. He's not seen you in three weeks, he's stalled on the STD testing and he takes advantage of your naivete by brow beating you into staying with him when you are clearly not happy with your relationship as it is.

    Don't "ghost" him. That's immature and rude. simply text him telling him that you've not been happy due to the incompatibility with him so for your own emotional best interests you are ending the relationship, wish him well and then ask him not to contact you again. If he does, don't respond. If you can't help yourself by not responding then block and delete him.

    I also suggest that you find a good therapist (not a Christian "coach") that will help you to see why you should break up with him rather than just telling you to and not guiding you into keeping your resolve by sticking to your decision(s).

    Don't let him keep you in this dating limbo he's placed you in. Take back your personal power from him.


  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Ok there are a lot of things you can take control of. Take your time and let things evolve. Do not rush or try to control the situation this much. Instead, rule out jerks and inappropriate men asap. Do not try to fix, change or hope they will change or you can fix them. Take a what you see is what you get approach to dating.

    Try not to engage in this much texting/TMI. Dating is for getting to know someone. Also you can not tell someone to get STD tests. NEVER send people your medical records. Use condoms and practice safe sex.

    Just end it if it's not working out. If after 6 mos he is still acting like a jerk, simply tell him it's not working, end it and move on. Stop trying to change people or use passive aggressive maneuvers like ghosting, etc.
    Originally Posted by Badlover
    We will have been dating for 6 months in June, and if I still feel unwanted and annoying dating him, Im thinking about ghosting him. Ive also sent him my STD results

  7. #16
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    New Jersey
    To be frank, he came off like an ***hole, and was inappropriately sexual.
    This told you all you ever needed to know about the guy. Why you accepted a date with him at any point after this is the thing to identify and change. Raise your bar for screening out bad matches instead of involving yourself with them, and then you won't need to worry about how to handle continual bad behavior after the fact.

    Ghost him and move on. There are no judges and juries in your love life, so you don't need to build a 'case' in order to ditch lousy matches. Engaging further to explain yourself only positions you to get roped in by apologies, which have zero to do with what someone has already shown you about themselves.

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