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Thread: Do I get back together with him?

  1. #1
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    Do I get back together with him?

    So, if you looked at my last post, my ex and I almost did try to get back together but I had an anxiety attack and called it quits.( In my last post I said that I didn't love him anymore, but I don't think that's true. I think that it was just my way of hiding my emotions so I don't feel bothered by my decision. I still love him.)
    But, after calling it quits, I felt horrible and missed him every day, feeling huge regrets. While I had my own hesitations, a big part of it was because my family and friends did not support this decision, and I didn't want to disappoint them.
    However, we ran into each other today and we both fell back into the idea of getting back together.

    Long story short, we were together for a year I broke up with him due to some incompatibilities in communication and our frequencies, and the fact that I had a lot of concerns that he never really understood.

    Post breakup, he admitted he had a lot of time to think and said that he realized how much he has done that hurt me and he should have reflected more. He said he was being careless. He also admitted about a lot of things that I was right, that he didn't see when we were dating. He also admitted that he forgot to court me and date me, which was part of the reason I began to be unhappy in the relationship (only part though). He also did get a job that pays well which changes my perspective a bit.

    He wants to get back to prove to me that he has learned and understood my concerns and in the future will consider them differently, and will be better at listening and working on how I feel, and that we can make this work.

    Now I'm so confused because I want to try again, while at the same time, my family doesn't support me getting back together (they believe I need to move on).

    I don't know what to do anymore.
    Last edited by moonandsun; 04-29-2019 at 09:54 AM.

  2. #2
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    It's not likely that he will have changed permanently. He'll probably make an effort to be better for a while, but the person he is and has always been will come through eventually.

    What you miss is the habit of him. You'll get over that.

  3. #3
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I speak from experience. The issues don't go away, they will always be there. Like the above poster said, he will be on his best behavior for the first while, but the same old crap resurfaces again. I agree, you are not in love with him, you just miss him being there. You just have to adjust being without him, and yes this will take a little time, but eventually you will feel happy with your decision. You will look back on this and tell yourself, "I don't know what I saw in him!"

  4. #4
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    I think you should go with your own gut. Don't ask those kind of question online, as none of us know you, your partner and history. People give advice depending how their situation resolved. People here are not aware of your situation.

    Traumas CAN change people. Trauma (break-up) has the possibility to change the mindset of a person. Just because it's not the experience of the above posters, then it doesn't prove anything for your situation.


    Think about that if you begin to date people. Go on dates on Tinder for example. Then their might be 1% chance that the date will result in "a true life long partner". This old person, you already know, you know. You have a history with! You are ALOT higher than 1 % chance with that person, in some cases (not all!). People can do wrong. Times can be wrong. Stressfull in life. Bad situation. Un-experienced and so on.


    None of us know if you have worked on your self, your mindset. And he has on him. Communication and mindset can be changed if the partners want to!

    I think it's dangerous that people hand-out advice everywhere, with so little knowledge about the situation, just because they didn't resolve their relationship. Every relationship is so different!

    I think you somehow have to think about this your self. Take it slow. Feel it. Begin seeing each other slowly. You don't have to rush things. Have fun. Test the waters. Think about what you can change, what he has to change. Think about that all couples might have problems, and try to sort them out BEFORE they get to be an issue. And also try to understand if you truly have changed, and if your communication has become better.

    Just do this if you want to give it a chance. But wanted to give my perspective, that you can't take advice from outsiders in situations like this. Not FOR and not AGAINST. So much more details is needed for your situation.

    Don't rush into some decision. Take your time. Vent with folks who knows your situation. And take time, thinking about it your self.
    But I think you should have some time before trying again, just so you don't feel like you do it in "rush". You should do it from a clear view. And also him.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What is your family's objection to him? Do you think the problems will be resolved or you will enter an on/off situation because the issues are there but you miss each other?
    Originally Posted by moonandsun
    my family doesn't support me getting back together.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    What is your family's objection to him? Do you think the problems will be resolved or you will enter an on/off situation because the issues are there but you miss each other?
    They think that we aren't good for each other and think I won't be happy with him.

    Some issues he said he learned from and he wants to do it all differently but there are other issues that he can't change and control it, but it could cause long term issues. Ideally, I'd believe I can get through any challenge, but my parents don't think so.

  8. #7
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    Do you live at home? Near home? How old are you?
    The kind of issues he can't fix are they big? Have those concerns affected you?
    Are you still very close / depending on your family in the bigger picture? Or are you standing on your own feet (or what you can say?)

    How long where you separated?

  9. #8
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    No. You guys dated less than three months, and he never put in much effort. The friends always took priority. You said you could go two weeks without seeing him, as he was not available, and never prioritized you. How many times did you see this guy?

    I say, move on. You dated for a minute and he never put in any effort. Find someone who can. This guy has already shown you what he has to offer, and this was in the honeymoon stage,

  10. #9
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by moonandsun
    but there are other issues that he can't change and control it, but it could cause long term issues.
    Which issues are these? It's imperative that your recognize and focus on the issues that cannot be changed before accepting the ones that can. These remain the ongoing problem.

    You seem fairly young as your parents have an influence in your decision. If you disobey them, what are the consequences?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    I think youíre scared of being single and donít know how to handle your emotions so youíre everywhere with them.

    To put it bluntly, I think you need to pull up your big girl panties and act like an adult in your relationship because this back and forth is creating a dynamic that will eventually damage things so much it will have no resemblance of any normalcy.

    Breaking up isnt for sh*ts and giggles, itís not a trump card. You werenít sure and you did it anyway, causing this dramatic aftermath, itís drama for drama sake. Stop.

    If you want to get back with him, respect him and yourself enough to work through whateverís going on with you.
    Last edited by figureitout23; 04-29-2019 at 01:12 PM.

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