I messed up and need some advice

Me and the girl I'm now with have been together for 2 months but were dating for 2 months prior to this (totalling 4 months). Normally, if we have a disagreement, we are very good at coming to an understanding and resolving the issue, however, this time it feels different. On Friday we had a disagreement about what something means and I didn't realise that she was getting upset or annoyed. Had I realised, I would quickly have stopped as the relationship means considerably more to me than the discussion we were having. Anyhow, she left the room asking me not to follow her and then came back in about a hour later and cuddled up to me saying that she spoke with her friend and that she over reacted and that was more or less the end of it until today. She's going away to see her friends until Wednesday back where her parents live for a couple of days (This was already planned). I left for work today and thought I would send her a message just apologising for not thinking about how the conversation was making her feel and being insensitive to that. I followed up from that saying that I hope she has a good time at her parents and that I look forward to seeing her on Wednesday.

She replied, saying that she still gets angry and upset when she thinks about it because she was trying to open up to me about something and I basically shut her down. She said that she needs some time to think. She's said that she loves me and that she's not going to leave me so I shouldn't panic.

What can I do to show her that I'm truly sorry for my insensitivity? I thought about having a friend of hers from her area do some flowers for her from me (her friend is a florist) but I'm not sure if this would be stepping over that space barrier. I just want to show her that I recognise where I went wrong and that I would love to sit down and talk about it when she's ready to. I have told my partner that I'd love to talk when she's ready but she's not replied. I'm sure it's just because she needs to collect her thoughts a bit.

Any advice?

Thanks!

You apologized in a sincere way. She hasn't replied to your latest message, which means she wants to be left alone, so do so. People mess up. If it wasn't a dealbreaker, you have the discussion and then move on. If people try to dredge up old arguments as attacks, it's not healthy for the relationship. Conversation over. Move on. No need to grovel.

Give her her space. Don't bring up the incident again. Focus on the positive of enjoyable discussions, i.e. how her trip went. Plans for you two in the upcoming weeks. If the air can't be cleared with her over a reasonable amount of time, it'll be time for you to move on without her.

Sorry this happened. What are the arguments about? Sounds like too much debating/antagonism for 16 weeks, no? Let her cool off and enjoy her time away and give her some space. You apologized and she responded positively, now leave it until you see her. Then resolve to be less argumentative and a better listener.

Normally, if we have a disagreement, we are very good at coming to an understanding and resolving the issue, however, this time it feels different. I thought about having a friend of hers from her area do some flowers for her from me (her friend is a florist) but I'm not sure if this would be stepping over that space barrier.

Over apologizing is super annoying. It makes you look weak and groveling.

Let it go. Unless you think it's a good idea to keep reminding her of the incident.

Sorry this happened. What are the arguments about? Sounds like too much debating/antagonism for 16 weeks, no? Let her cool off and enjoy her time away and give her some space. You apologized and she responded positively, now leave it until you see her. Then resolve to be less argumentative and a better listener.

Normally just something like what the best route to somewhere is for example. Normally just me misunderstanding something she's said in honesty. Nothing that is bad or dramatic as such. This one was a little different as we were talking about when friends discuss other friends behind their backs and what is or isn't bad about it. I used a friend of hers as an example without thinking about the consequences prior to that. Admittedly, I could have used anyone or nobody to avoid the confrontation, but chose something relatable without thinking about how it could be read or processed.

It was a honest mistake on my behalf.

Over apologizing is super annoying. It makes you look weak and groveling.

 

Let it go. Unless you think it's a good idea to keep reminding her of the incident.

I agree, I need to let it go, I just felt like it would be nice to give her an apology as I hadn't yet apologise myself properly.

From what you've written you've already apologized properly.

Be honest: What you really want right now—the instinct behind the flowers—is to do something that makes you feel better. You want her to be cool and sparkly, so you don't feel bad about a small comment that she's still processing.

Just let her process, and accept that someone is allowed to be a little upset or annoyed with you. Give her space to process—that's respect for another—and, hey, if she's someone who can't let go of something small then you know she's not someone for you. That's self-respect.

What is the difference between being together for two months and dating for another two months (totaling four months)? I found this introduction of your relationship peculiar and makes me believe that you may tend to split hairs or overthink simple issues using confusing labels. If this is a recurring theme and what caused her to feel shut out or not accepted for her way of thinking, I think you may be onto something regarding your self-realization and coming to terms with making improvements in the way you interpret differences in your relationship.

Regarding the situation at hand, you've done enough. You can do whatever you want with the flowers but it's not the main point. I wouldn't care if someone sent me flowers but didn't show or behave differently in the long run. You've apologized. Just learn from your mistakes, both of you, and accept each other for your quirks. Leave room for growing. It's the aftermath and the accepting and understanding of each other that matters the most.

From what you've written you've already apologized properly.

 

Be honest: What you really want right now—the instinct behind the flowers—is to do something that makes you feel better. You want her to be cool and sparkly, so you don't feel bad about a small comment that she's still processing.

 

Just let her process, and accept that someone is allowed to be a little upset or annoyed with you. Give her space to process—that's respect for another—and, hey, if she's someone who can't let go of something small then you know she's not someone for you. That's self-respect.

Honestly, It's nothing to do with how it makes me feel, it's about trying to make her feel a little better, a way to show her that I recognise my mistake and I'm sorry. Something to show her that I'm thinking about her and my behaviour and that I want to make it better because that's what she deserves. She's a kind soul. She's not the sort of person to get angry or annoyed, it's something she's grown up with and I feel awful for bringing that out in her.

I'm letting her process like you said, She messaged me last night to let me know she's thinking of me, which I assume is a good thing. But you know how it is, when you feel guilty, you over think.

What is the difference between being together for two months and dating for another two months (totaling four months)? I found this introduction of your relationship peculiar and makes me believe that you may tend to split hairs or overthink simple issues using confusing labels. If this is a recurring theme and what caused her to feel shut out or not accepted for her way of thinking, I think you may be onto something regarding your self-realization and coming to terms with making improvements in the way you interpret differences in your relationship.

 

Regarding the situation at hand, you've done enough. You can do whatever you want with the flowers but it's not the main point. I wouldn't care if someone sent me flowers but didn't show or behave differently in the long run. You've apologized. Just learn from your mistakes, both of you, and accept each other for your quirks. Leave room for growing. It's the aftermath and the accepting and understanding of each other that matters the most.

Hi, I understand what you mean. The reason I stated that the way I did was because some people's responses are sometimes related to the period that the relationship has been going on for so I felt it would be useful to provide this detail. Personally, we see ourselves as being together since we met.

I agree that I should learn from my mistake and of course, I will, the flowers are show her that I am sorry and am thinking about her. Something to try and put even the slightest of smiles back on her face.

We've spoken about out quirks before and accepted them. I think with this it was mostly because I hit a personal spot. She holds her friends very close and I respect that, a lot. I shouldn't have gunned the way I did.

From peoples replies it appears I've done everything I can or need to do so I'll leave it at that and see how things go. Hopefully in time she will see that I've learned from my mistake and that her feelings are much more important to me than my opinion on such a small matter.

Thanks for all of your help guys/gals.