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Thread: May have bitten off more than I can chew

  1. #11
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by milly007
    You mentioned that you can’t really see yourself with either one for the long-term
    She actually said the opposite: that she can see herself with either long term.

    To which I'd say: she's doing a bit of mental math, because these are two nice guys who like her, to bridge to places where her heart and spirit aren't all in.

    These guys are "good on paper," which is a good start—a place to explore, surely. But not the place to bend into knots, or feel any need to "commit" before the heart and spirit are ready for that.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member milly007's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    She actually said the opposite: that she can see herself with either long term.

    To which I'd say: she's doing a bit of mental math, because these are two nice guys who like her, to bridge to places where her heart and spirit aren't all in.

    These guys are "good on paper," which is a good start—a place to explore, surely. But not the place to bend into knots, or feel any need to "commit" before the heart and spirit are ready for that.
    Oh thanks, bluecastle. I misread and edited my post.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Not everyone dates like you and I'd be a bit more forthright about dating more than one person if this carries more than over a month. Both men have a right to choose whether they want to have anything to do with a woman who dates two guys at the same time. There is nothing wrong with it if the parties consent but you should acknowledge that there is a percentage of people who will feel you're a bit full of yourself and misleading if you continue to date more than one person for an extended period of time without being completely open about it.

    A second point I'd like to make is your passive role in the dating game. You're waiting for one of them to cut you off and then more than happy to pander the choice or the discussion to your therapist. This is not fair to them or you. If I've misunderstood or misinterpreted please let me know. From the sounds of your first post, 5th paragraph, you seem confusingly unstable and I would be appalled if I ever found out (if I were one of the men) that the woman I was dating was 1) dating another man at the same time and 2) waiting for me to cut things off and then happy to discuss it with her therapist.

    I'm getting the feel overall that you're just getting back into dating and that's fine. You did mention this is your first time dating in a long time. It takes time to get into it and learn to trust your instincts. I think fairness is needed all around and openness/honesty between all parties involved. Treat others the way you would like to be treated. Keeping this going until it falls apart only to discuss the outcome with your therapist isn't my idea of a good date at all. I'd be a bit traumatized and very put off if I knew I was dating someone like this.

  4. #14
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    I think you're putting the cart before the horse. You're not really dating either of these guys after "a few weeks." Someone interpreted "a few weeks" as two weeks...I interpret it as four, or one month. You're presently away and busy for work. One of the guys lives four hours away...that's eight hours round trip. Basically, he trips your trigger on text and maybe a call or facetime, but in person...nothing. You have nothing to work with. The other guy I'm assuming lives closer and you can see him more, but being away from home makes this impossible right now, so you are also dealing with a paper protocol...boxes checked...not someone you can touch and and see and spend time with face to face. Checking all the boxes is a good place to start, for sure, but without spending time together in person, there's no way to know if you are truly compatible.

    I say just to ride it out for now. It's too soon to know anything, and the time to really know either of these men is not really there. When you're back home, date...in person. I won't encourage some texting relationship with some guy who lives 4 hours away. Date people in person. Date people who live close enough you can see each other with regularity.

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  6. #15

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    Hi, considering your opinions, thoughts and suggestions. Much appreciated. Thanks.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Rhada
    In the past few weeks I have had quite a few dates. Of these I have met 2 guys (A and B - not joking, real initials! Lol!), both of whom I have clicked with and both of whom have ticked all the right qualities boxes. Other than being gentlemanly they are not the same kind of guy and I think I'm attracted to both because they complement different aspects of me, in what I believe to be in equal measure. Both of them have explicitly told me that they are attracted to me both physically and mentally. I find myself attracted to both in equal measure.
    You're moving too fast. They have not checked off the right quality boxes. They're both on their best behavior, and there hasn't been enough time to see their true characters. That can only be seen when each of them has to deal with adversity.

    Keep dating them. If they try to push you towards a relationship, tell them you're not ready for it. Let's see how they react (adversity). Will each one take it in stride, or get upset over not getting their way. Will one of them try to be physical with you before you are ready? You control the pace in dating them. Take your time and let's see how things play out.

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