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Could he of changed


Mug246

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So where do I start. I was with my ex for 7 years we had 3 kids . Our relationship was never really perfect and was on and off . Things were crap and to top it off I was pregnant with our 3rd child and in hospital with our 2nd because he had been hit by a car. I spent 6 weeks living at the hospital he turnt up mabey 10 times .we had a row one night and that was it never saw him again . Untill now . One morning I went to my friends house and there he she had hired him to do her garden not knowing it was him. (What is the chance in that ) . Any way I got his number and had a go I had so much hate and anger .Y did he leave like that ? How could he do that to our kids ?( he had never meet our youngest). He asked to have contact with the kids . Wich I agreed on but now he's telling me how he regrets wat he done he can't get me out his head . I'm so confused . My head says no but my heart melts wen I see him he's aslo a liar and a cheat and I have no trust for him . But how do I no he will stick around

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Firstly, I want to say that I'm sorry for what you've been through. No parent should have to go through any of it. Secondly, and most importantly, how can your heart melt when you see the man who abandoned their child in the hospital after nearly dying and who upped and left his pregnant partner and children without a word? That's a disgusting thing to do.

 

He has shown you who he is - a liar, a cheat, and a lousy human being. If I were you I would not have anything to do with him romantically. If you choose to, you'll be showing your kids that a person can treat them the way he has treated you and they'll be rewarded for it. If he wants access to the children then have a visitation agreement legally drawn up and give him the chance to prove he can be a present and good father. He has to earn that right back. You shouldn't just go serving your kids up to him without proper protections in place (i.e. a legal visitation agreement) because your "heart melts when seeing him". That's not the priority of a good parent.

 

If, and only if he has demonstrated consistency, respect, selflessness, and unconditional love towards his children over a significant amount of time that clearly illustrates he has grown and changed, THEN you can start perhaps considering where to go from there romantically and as a family unit. Thinking about it right now after what he has done is not okay. Shame on him for behaving that way but shame on you if you let him walk back in without being a good, healthy, and decent human being, which you have no way of knowing until a lot of time has passed.

 

You are uncertain and confused because he has given you no reason to trust him, so don't trust him until he has proven without a shadow of a doubt that he is trustworthy.

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Go to court and file for child support on behalf of your children. You do not have to be together, but your children have the right to financial support from the father. You do not need to communicate except regarding the children and the visitation schedule..

 

Just avoid him rather than spend all your time wrapped up in hate and anger. Stop the on/off roller coaster, that's all this next round with him will be. He'll just come and go as usual. Focus on a stable life for yourself and your kids. Find better quality men to date. And set up appropriate scheduled visitation and child support for your kids. .

I was with my ex for 7 years we had 3 kids. Our relationship was never really perfect and was on and off.Y did he leave like that ? He asked to have contact with the kids.
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He I doubt has changed but that doesn’t concern me.

What does worry me is that you haven’t changed ?

You spent time by your child’s side in hospital when his father didn’t and didn’t even want to meet his third child , but now because of simple words of regret by a chance meeting you are willing to let him interrupt your children’s lives and for what reason?

Why didn’t you seek child support?

Is he now willing to pay ?

He has to by law , even if courts deny him access.

 

Tread carefully because he didn’t just abandon you. He abandoned his kids. He didn’t seek you or his kids. So really how much regret does he have?

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He has been paying for the last year or so not alot though 6 pound a week through csa . I have deffently changed I'm much stronger my confidence is up and I have come so far in my career . I was 16 wen I got with him he was 29 there's a big age gap and he deffently got in my head promised me the world my worried is that I'm gunna crumble and fall for it all over again I only want to do wats best for our kids and they want him to be apart of there life's. I'm happy on my own I have been . He seen them twice and wants to see them every Friday it's started with phone calls I got advice from the skl family support working . And they said to start with that he's has offered me more money and to carry on with csa .

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Do NOT allow this man into your life. Damn! He deserted you and your kids and are you are reconsidering a reconciliation. What are you thinking!

 

He cheated, too! No, no, no!

 

He is a complete degenerate! People like this do not change! Do not do this to your poor kids.

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No body knew . I was living in a scecrate bubble for years . And I think this has gone way to fast . To fast for even my head to get round it let alone the kids .

 

But what do I do? How can I take him away from. Them now . He is all they talk about .

 

I don't want them to get hurt .!

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No body knew . I was living in a scecrate bubble for years . And I think this has gone way to fast . To fast for even my head to get round it let alone the kids .

 

But what do I do? How can I take him away from. Them now . He is all they talk about .

 

I don't want them to get hurt .!

It's not like he put any effort into finding them or contacting you. You just by accident saw him in the front yard! Now you are both concerned about all his feelings and his rights?

You never took anything away from him. He abandoned all of you.

 

Far for me to say, but the children are what matter here.

If he's genuinely interested, he has a long road ahead to prove himself.

 

Considering his history it might be worse to involved him with kids just to have him run off again.

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Excellent. Does he have a steady job? You need to file for child support and a court ordered visitation/shared custody schedule. Do not let his whims, chaos and nonsense create instability and hardships in your kids' lives. They are kids. You are not. Therefore you must protect them and make sure they are supported and have a regular stable interaction with the father.

. He is all they talk about. I don't want them to get hurt .!
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He has his own business . Which I didn't no about . He has been consistent so far sees them on a Friday for 2 hours and 2 phone calls a week wich he has stuck to so far the kids had a lot of questions and have started to ask him and he has made the effort to answers the best he could with out hurting them . . I want something put in place were do i start ?

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