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Thread: I want to stay, but I also want to leave

  1. #1

    I want to stay, but I also want to leave

    Okay, so this will likely be informal because I've been drinking and my roommate won't stop yelling about COD 4. Yes I know it's 2019, but hey we grow up at different times I guess. I've been with my girlfriend for roughly 5 years (our five year anniversary is next month), and I just fell out of it in regards to our relationship. I mean I still love her and care for her, but I'm not in love with her anymore. We're both in our mid to late twenties, and I've just been kind of blah with our relationship. There isn't really anything else that's wrong with it; I mean we've been fighting more, but I know that's been because of me. I just have this feeling of wanting to be in the relationship, but not wanting to at the same time. I'm also currently trying to enlist in the military, so all my time and energy has been focused on either working our, or going to work. When I have off days I spend it with her but only between time in the gym. We don't go on dates anymore unless we go to bars.

    I've also been talking to this other girl, who I kind of developed a school boy crush on. Now I know nothing is going to happen between me and this other girl, I'm fully well aware of the this. After all the other girl and I are in completely different states separated by thousands of miles. However, this other girl inadvertently showed me that I really want more out of life than to be chained down at the age I am for the reminder of my life, especially with someone I don't really feel the same way about anymore.

    I don't want to break things off with my girlfriend, but I don't know... I just want to go explore my life before I head off to basic, and do hoodrat sh** with my friends. I still deeply care for my girlfriend. Matter of fact I'm not really sure with I'm looking for, just something new, different, and allow me to find love again.

  2. #2
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    I understand that you still care for your gf and don't want to hurt her, but do what's fair for both of you and break things off. You can't have your cake and eat it too, man. If you join the military you won't have the availability for a proper relationship anyway. That stuff is difficult on even the most loving marriages. Let her find someone who will fully love her with everything they have. And free yourself to enjoy the life that you want to live, not the one you feel obligated to just because you're used to it.

    I feel like you already know it's the right thing to do.

  3. #3
    Her birthday is on Wednesday, and know I wouldn't feel right doing anything before then. No deserves to have a miserable birthday...

  4. #4
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    Nobody wants a lousy after math of a birthday party either. What Iím trying to say OP there is no right time.

    I would break up with her before her birthday that way she spends it with people who want to be in her life.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't string her along. Free both of yourselves. Don't operate out of fear and cowardice.
    Originally Posted by LonelyOn3
    I've also been talking to this other girl
    .I don't want to break things off with my girlfriend, but I don't know... I just want to go explore my life before I head off to basic

  7. #6
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    This relationship is long dead. It's both unfair to yourself and your girlfriend that you're doing what you're doing (chatting up other women or fantasizing about a different life without her). If you have a small amount of you that "cares deeply for her" you'd let her go and let her be happy finding someone else who can love her much more.


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