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I'm heart broken


NaomiKelly

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For almost 20 years my ex and me were together. I suffer from depression which he couldn't cope with and blamed me continuously for having. We grew to resent each other over the past couple of years and rowing constantly. We have a 19 year old daughter. Since i had an emergency hysterectomy 12 years ago and couldnt have any more children he has threw it up to me constantly. I had to have it for medical reasons but he doesnt see it that way. He met a girl last January and has become besotted with her. She is much younger than him and is able to get married and have more children has a job drives thin basically everything I'm not which he continuously rubs in my face. He has even said to me you should see the body on her which I know is wrong. He told me he knows that I will always be there to pick up if it doesn't work out with her. He told me he is in love with this girl and wants away to make a future with her. He knows our daughter is against it for he has become nasty since he met her and he has told her to either deal with it or stay out of his life and that she is 19 now and doesn't need a dad. This is hurting me to know he no longer loves me but loves someone else and that he is telling our daughter he is happy to have no contact with her. He doesn't even try to be a dad to her now. He has totally changed into such a selfish obnoxious man who knows that I love him and can't cope without his help. This is the first time he has got with another woman and he is prepared to lose everything for her. I know in my head he is no good for me but my heart is broken. I just want him to love me like he did and turn back into the nice man every one loved not this monster this girl has turned him into. He is admantant that she is the love of his life and he has never felt this way about anyone before in his life. This is breaking my heart to hear. Please help with any advice. I'm sorry it's so long. We are both 39.

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After the way he treated you, please tell me that you will NOT be there for him when his young thing kicks him to the curb (which she will).

 

Don't be a doormat. He's never going to love you the way he did 20 years ago. He has grown into a pathetic, uncaring, self-centered jackazz, and you need to block him out of your life. You don't need to be in touch with him anymore, since your daughter is 19. Turn the page on this guy, and find someone who respects you.

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What is there to love? He has treated you like sh*t, disrespected and cheated on you, and been emotionally abusive for years. You have shown your daughter that is okay for men to treat them terribly. You are her role model.

 

Be done with this creep!

 

Have you ever gotten help for your depression?

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Thank you SarahLancaster for replying ... I know in my head what you are saying is right but my heart keeps letting him make me feel like crap ... I don't have any family near me to help me and he is aware of this and uses it to his advantage ... I really wish I could be stronger but I have no self worth at all anymore and my depression makes me reliant on him. I am trying to make myself believe that he may be part of my depression as other people have made comment in the past that he prefers being depressed as he gets away with alot. Thank you again

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Hi Hollyj I have been getting help for years both nhs and privately ... I was sexually abused and assaulted when I was younger which after alot of therapy I have dealt with ... I developed severe OCD from the abuse which I have also dealt with ... but the depression won't lift and I have more bad days than good ... I know deep in my heart that it is because of all he has said and done to me over the years that I feel worthless ... you are right that i shouldn't let my daughter think that it is ok to be treated like this ... she has spoke to him numerous times about how he treats me but it makes no difference ... infact she has turned against him and he blames me but doesnt realise it's because of himself and now she is an adult she's not afraid to speak back ... thank you for replying

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I don't have much family and they are spread all over ... I don't work but have my own money and don't depend on him for any financial help ... yes I'm on medication ... changed meds at start of year which are helping me and this is why I'm reaching out to this forum for help as I never have before ... I know only I can changed things but I'm so scared to do it alone ... I still love him and I want him to love me but I know he never will

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What do you love about him? He has torn you down to nothing and does not respect you. He has also dissected your daughter, and brought another woman into the picture.

 

What does you therapist say?

 

You need to extricate yourself from him, now. You already are alone. Time to create your own life and stop being so dependent. You need to set an example. There is nothing left.

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She didn't make him this way. It's the way he is. he's been a jerk all along, you are just seeing it now. Focus on yourself and your 19 y/o. Build a quality life for yourself and her.

 

Who is is telling you all this about his new gf? Social media? Your daughter? Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps. Reconnect to your friends and family and take up some new interests. Take care of your health and get a complete check up from your doctor to rule out physical causes and better treatments for the depression. Also make sure you have ongoing supportive talk therapy. Being bitter, jealous, angry and ruminating is not helping you or your daughter.

For almost 20 years my ex and me were together. I suffer from depression which he couldn't cope with. We have a 19 year old daughter.
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