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Thread: I'm an ugly person and getting a date is proving impossible.

  1. #21
    Gold Member Kantriakhor's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    I agree with abitbroken's post regarding "Look at Marylin Manson and Steven Tyler". Add to that Mick Jaggar, Lyle Lovett - shall I go on? You get it? These people are not necessarily handsome but they have some huge talent and obviously are extremely popular and very well like.
    I understand, but other than being useful to people and helpful, I donít stand out in any way that someone would find attractive and Iím far too old to suddenly become a practiced and accomplished musician or actor or anything like that. They seem to be more a case in being exceptions to the rule.

  2. #22
    Gold Member Kantriakhor's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    OP, jmo but it serves no good purpose to compare yourself to others, including those society might consider both attractive and unattractive.

    This is about how you feel about yourself, both internally and externally.

    Frankly, I wish I could see a photo, there may be things we could recommend.

    Holly asked if you worked out.

    Also, drink lots of high calorie protein drinks. Not only will working out build muscle improving your appearance but it increases endorphins which increases your overall mood (and how you feel about yourself generally).

    And the high calorie protein drinks will help you put on weight, again, improving your appearance.

    Re your face, you can get a more flattering hairstyle which does wonders to enhance certain facial features, grow a bit of facial hair, as long as you keep it well trimmed.

    I mean there are things you can do to improve your appearance, and in turn increasing your confidence and self esteem which will in turn make you feel better about yourself and attract the ladies!

    Hire a personal trainer, w your job sounds like you can afford.

    Visit a salon, look into getting a personal makeover.

    Just some practical suggestions, assumimg you want to feel better. I'm still on the fence whether or not you actually do.

    Your call, good luck!
    I attached a photo of myself in an earlier post on this thread and I currently do spin 3x a week.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Kantriakhor
    I attached a photo of myself in an earlier post on this thread and I currently do spin 3x a week.
    The link didn't work.

    What about the other things I suggested? You could also try strength training, lifting weights.

    You seem intent on living in this self-imposed prison you've created, and if that is the case, is there anything anyone can say?
    Last edited by katrina1980; 04-28-2019 at 03:44 PM.

  4. #24
    Gold Member Kantriakhor's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    The link didn't work.

    What about the other things I suggested? You could also try strength training, lifting weights.

    You seem intent on living in this self-imposed prison, and if that is the case, is there anything anyone can say?
    Iíll try this:

    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10100985480646106&set=a.56936792038 6&type=3&sfns=mo

  5.  

  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Kantriakhor
    Iíll try this:

    [Register to see the link]

    Your not ugly in the slightest!!! The way you were talking I was expecting hunchback or Notre damn, but agreeing with all the other posters, change your attitude and things will change.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kantriakhor
    Why? Are people who self-loathe automatically excluded from dating and romance and love? Abusers and criminals of the worst sort all can acquire these.

    Edit: I do attend therapy weekly, I no longer want to destroy myself but still think I've missed any sort of window.
    No one made a rule that you canít date YOU made the decision on your own due to your self loathing.

    Get it right, strangers on the internet are not the reason you arenít dating.

    Your self loathing is harming you and causing you to victimize yourself and not see reality.

    Sex for example. You were in an abusive relationship for 10 years how does that bring you to the conclusion you have no sexual expierience? Was it abusive as in you stated with someone for 10 years who never had sex with you? Weíre you raped? Please clarify.

    We clearly are not comprehending the gravity of what you are trying to convey so please explain it.

    The reason you are getting the responses you are is because all that is being expressed to us is a Ďmy life sucksí complaint

  8. #27
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kantriakhor
    I promise that Iím not trying to be reassured that Iím somehow less ugly than I really am.

    Iím wishing to understand the beliefs I initially outlined about why people believe ďit happens when you least expect itĒ ďbe positiveĒ etc etc. I donít see the correlation.
    This won't work if you are negative with yourself. Those prospective people feel your sad vibe, won't go near you. This is on you and your attitude. I did an experiment one day to prove my point. I made sure I was wearing sweat pants and a hoodie with my hair up, very little makeup on. Nothing fancy. I went grocery shopping, basket in hand. I walked with confidence, smile on my face, greeted everyone I saw. I tell ya I had guys following me in the store. One very very shy fellow managed to say hello to me before dashing off. The moral of the story is, you smile and have a positive vibe in order to make yourself "approachable".

  9. #28
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kantriakhor
    I honestly donít. Are vibes an actual thing that can be measured? I know about body language and monitor my own to exist when out and about and make sure my conversations stay away from what I think of myself.

    Edit: per your edit, I wish I could get to the point of acquiring a date but I feel as though I missed the boat. No one is going to think ďoh what a catch, heís ugly and hasnít had intimate contact in over a decadeĒ. Sorry about your divorce and thank you for sharing, I hear stories about that but canít grasp how it can possibly happen.
    A hard reality entitled... typically men... seem to overlook is no one on this planet is entitled to date, you arenít entitled to a girlfriend or wife or sex, itís all perks of being alive.

    I agree with you it doesnít Ďjust happení never happened for me at least. A mans never come into my living room while Iím eating a bag of Cheetos and proclaimed ď you! You shall be my wife! ď itís a turn of phrase, itís sometrhing soothing to say, but for many it doesnít happen like that, doesnít mean it canít, just means this idea you are fixating on is simply an excuse you are giving and not your real issue. Whatís the point of sitting around and waiting when most are no longer taking that route and are instead on dating websites? Youíre already at a disadvantage.

    Ugly is subjective, but I will say people I think are ugly seem to find each other marry and procreate just fine, too often actually and then I have to pretend their ugly baby is cute... Iím being tongue and cheek obviously my point is you are indeed your own worst enemy ugly people date pretty people date everyone dates, itís a choice.

  10. #29
    Gold Member Kantriakhor's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    No one made a rule that you canít date YOU made the decision on your own due to your self loathing.

    Get it right, strangers on the internet are not the reason you arenít dating.

    Your self loathing is harming you and causing you to victimize yourself and not see reality.

    Sex for example. You were in an abusive relationship for 10 years how does that bring you to the conclusion you have no sexual expierience? Was it abusive as in you stated with someone for 10 years who never had sex with you? Weíre you raped? Please clarify.

    We clearly are not comprehending the gravity of what you are trying to convey so please explain it.

    The reason you are getting the responses you are is because all that is being expressed to us is a Ďmy life sucksí complaint
    I was molested by my father for around 8 years or so than, about 10 years later, was in my only relationship where we tried the sex thing four times. She didnít like how long it took for me to get in and stay in the mood. This eventually led to her being sexually violent towards me the other 3 times. After that, it was expected that I would get her off via oral or with a digit. I was to remain clothed because of how hideous I am. When she was done, sheíd task me with something else like helping her create lesson plans or bringing her someplace.

    Edit: I also am not saying people on the internet are to blame for my being undateable. I was asking for clarification on their response.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kantriakhor
    I was molested by my father for around 8 years or so than, about 10 years later, was in my only relationship where we tried the sex thing four times. She didnít like how long it took for me to get in and stay in the mood. This eventually led to her being sexually violent towards me the other 3 times. After that, it was expected that I would get her off via oral or with a digit. I was to remain clothed because of how hideous I am. When she was done, sheíd task me with something else like helping her create lesson plans or bringing her someplace.
    I see.

    This is an entirely different animal.

    You are going to have to be responsible for your healing.

    I donít see how you even think you can date right now.

    I also think your mindset of I canít date because Iím ugly is a diversion you created within yourself so you donít have to face the facts that once you have a date you would have to face your sexual issues.

    So you create a roadblock. Itís not your fault, itís everyone elseís.

    Who told you itíll happen when it happens? Your therapist? Serious question. Iím teuing to figure out what about this phrase has you fixated.

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