This is a hard one..

While I’m not sure that I would necessarily call this a “break up”, I just need to get this off my chest. A few months back I met a guy online. He was the typical smooth talker, said everything right. Days into talking I gave him my number and we started texting. Age wasn’t brought up until a few weeks in. He ended up being 40 and me 19. I know, shame on me for this big age gap but I loved talking to him so I said screw it. We ended up talking and texting every single day, sometimes 3-6 hours on the phone at night. He’d go to work in the morning call and text on on his breaks and then we’d go and call again later that night. About a month into everything, he starts to admit having feelings for me. Saying he’s fallen for me. I shortly after began to realize that I was starting to develop feelings as well. We went on talking for a while longer, feelings became deeper and everything was perfect. We would talk of meeting up soon and spending time together, he lived a few states away. This quickly ended one night when I was suddenly blocked on everything 4 hours after our last conversation. I tried to reach out another way, only received “something happened, I can’t talk to you anymore”. I spent the entire night wondering what happened, what I had done. The night morning I got one message stating that he’s married. Turns out he’s 45, been married for 19 years and has a teenage daughter. Sitting here the past few days I’ve felt pathetic wanting him to just message or call me and explain something, just anything. So stupid for falling for this, for still missing him. I can’t understand how an individual can spend months of his life claiming to love another person, lose hours of sleep each night talking to them, tell them everything about his life, all while having a wife and child in the background. How can you spend months of your life messing with somebody’s feelings only to block them with no explanation, no guilt or shame. I feel sick over this, so horribly sorry for what his wife is now going through. But how could he have managed to hide this so easily? Talking for hours at home in bed, throughout his house, at night and through the day. After speaking with a mutual friend, it seems that I’m not the first person he’s done this with.

Count yourself lucky that his wife found out.

The internet allows people to indulge in their fantasies without any consequences. He was never going to meet you, probably. You were most likely just an ego boast for him.

From now on, PLEASE be careful talking on the internet. Always question things guys say so that you won't be blindsided like this again.

He's an a$$hole, plain and simple and you got conned. Good thing he got caught, which would have happened sooner or later. Dont be so gullible next time, and instead look for guys your own age where you live, not random strangers who will lie and deceive you because they can.

Of course you want him to explain himself. He's 40 and you're 19. At that age I too was starting to realize that older does not mean wiser. As you grow older you will probably start to realize that not everyone (this goes for every age under the sun) will ever explain why they do what they do. Why? For a lot of reasons: fear of failure, fear of appearing like a failure, inability to acknowledge mistakes, unable to admit wrongs, saving face, general cluelessness or lack of engagement etc etc etc. You will start to realize that no matter what you do or say, the only actions you have control over are your own and you shouldn't stop respecting yourself and others around you. It will make you who you are. You do not or should not always have to look to others for an explanation because the reality check is that you won't always get one. It's rare that someone will take the time to explain themselves or engage going over mistakes and misunderstandings with you. Most people choose to look the other way.

You're 19 and have the world at your feet. Don't feel too badly about this. Stay away from the online world as much as you can and engage with the world around you. If you choose to use an online app to meet people, meet always within the first week of messaging each other. I don't believe in meeting later or taking weeks to meet someone in person. Do it safely, have fun and take care of yourself.

It sounds like you ignored a number of red flags in favor of having fun and excitement chatting with an online stranger. You also were a victim of course. I'm sorry you were treated this way. I think meeting people through online dating sites is one of many great ways to meet people in person. If you're feeling vulnerable/needy /thrill-seeking recognize that in yourself so you don't indulge the temptation to talk to strange men on line. You're lucky that his wife, etc didn't find out!

Why would you believe anything that he said! He clearly showed you that he is a cheat and a liar. Wake up!

Next time, do not get into marathon texting. Meet the guy within a week or two. Stop wasting your time on the phone.

look, i havent had *this exact case* happen to me, but i know exactly how you feel with the aspect of wasting so much time, energy, emotion and commitment into somebody and/or something and then things just falling apart without a notice or reasoning. and it sucks, so damn much.

i know others will be telling you about "you shouldve noticed the red flags" or "what did you expect hes almost twice your age" but i understand this attraction of wanting to talk to and be around to somebody you feel you can be yourself around. and believe me when i say that there is nobody more deceiteful than a good listener.

truly, in this case you were as much a victim as you are to blame. of course it is never okay to engage and be part of extramarritial affairs without the wife knowing. as it is helping in the ruining of years of dedication, a vow and now leading to sever trust issues for the wife. who unbeknowest to her was dragged through the mud without a visible stain. but on the other hand nobody can possibly blame you for wanting to experience such a natural desire and truthfully a life necessity: love. it s more than normal now for you to be upset, and dont let anyone tell you that your pain isnt valid or "just get over it". these types of wounds take time to heal, and the way you decide to handle it is completely up to you and your emotional uplifters.

telling you to get off of social media would be unrealistic as at this day and age it is more than impossible. id say just ttry reconnecting with loved ones. i dont know if youve shared this mishap with people in your real day to day life but maybe that could help as there really is nothing more freeing than sitting with somebody face to face and just letting it all out. if it helps you jot everything down in a notebok or draft an email. express how you feel and dont let it bottle up as that will not help you in the slightest (trust me, I would know).

all in all what i can say is that you should not beat yourself over this. it happens so often that truly one cant keep out. the internet can be a beautiful place just as much as it can be destructive and we can all agree with that. just find yourself, go to that coffee shop you like, read that book on your shelf whose turn hasnt come yet, dance around your house with the music blaring as loud as possible and just remember there is more than this. there is always something more than this.

i wish you the best and truly hope this has only helped you in being stronger, more emopwered in yourself, and that you wont let this experience drive you away from who you were, are, and will forever be.

im adding some song titles below. these are tunes that have helped and accopmanied me, and i hope they do the same for you.

Christina Aguilera - Fighter

Kelly Clarkson - Stronger

Christina Aguilera - Beautiful

Andra Day - Rise Up

Train - Drops of Jupiter

Bee Gees - To Love Somebody

Tracy Chapman - Give Me One Reason

Love,

FromMyWindow

I feel sorry for the daughter. Her dad is perving with a girl close to her own age...that doesn't sound good, pretty sick actually.

How would you feel if your dad was doing this?

You need to stop being so naive. You wanted male attention so badly that you believed whatever you found online.

Don't waste your time.

People online can pretend to be whomever, it doesn't make it real.

If you want something real, try to find someone your own age (22 or younger) who lives nearby and whom you can meet in person within a weeks time.

Skype first to make sure that they are really your age, and even then, meet in a busy place like a crowded restaurant.

But be more realistic. You're not going to find prince charming online, all you will find is horny old men who like to lie.

Sorry this happened. Was this a dating app? Try a higher quality (paid) dating app. It doesn't rule out catfish, scammers and liars/cheaters completely, but if someone is serious enough to pay with a credit card they may not free as free to catfish like this. Also after a few messages, meet asap. If someone won't meet in a timely fashion, it's a red flag. Do not pursue a LDR. Also get out and meet people , get involved in school, courses, groups clubs and make more friends and meet more people off line including meeting guys.

Age wasn’t brought up until a few weeks in. We ended up talking and texting every single day, sometimes 3-6 hours on the phone at night.

 

This quickly ended one night when I was suddenly blocked on everything 4 hours after our last conversation. I tried to reach out another way, only received “something happened, I can’t talk to you anymore”.