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Thread: should i tell him and how that hes now a father

  1. #11
    Platinum Member RainyCoast's Avatar
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    She has managed 3 and a half months, not years, without child support.

    And I'm undecided on her duty to volunteer him the information about the pregnancy earlier if he has made it clear he doesn't want to be a father (and took no preventative measures). Ideally, they both would've handled it differently. But she is dealing with the consequences and the responsibility, and he is not- and that opportunity isn't lost. I don't think being sheepish is entailed in behaving with integrity and responsibility, I see no reason for her to crawl and stutter, figuratively or literally, and wouldn't encourage an adult to conduct themselves that way, or imply it's their duty or responsibility to kick themselves privately or publicly.

    I'm wondering if he is entirely clueless also. He hasn't made any calls in the three past months. If the families are "at war", there seems to be enough ongoing familiarity for him to have heard about the child, or about her visible, questions prompting late pregnancy, and do the math. OP, is it reasonable to think the.news has reached him? True, you *could've* slept with others, but what he knows for certain is you slept with him at the time the child would've been conceived.
    Last edited by RainyCoast; 04-28-2019 at 10:45 AM.

  2. #12
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Thanks, guys. That's a bit easier to digest. Appreciate the heads up.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member RainyCoast's Avatar
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    (Deleted post)

  4. #14
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    The basic decent human thing to do is to inform him he has a daughter. The basic decent human being thing for him to do is to be there for her, even if not with you. Whether either of you lives up to the very baseline standard is up to each of you, and unfortunately he won't have the opportunity unless you act first. Being frank, given that your first voiced constraint was him being in a relationship, it sounds like your primary concern is in his capacity to be with you, not whether he'll be there for his daughter. Assuming you were being hyperbolic about your family "literally killing you," you need to provide him the opportunity to be there for his daughter, both for her and his sake.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You need to tell him now! Sooner or later he will find out anyway. Info like a new baby has a way of getting out there. I assume you are quite young, so how old are you?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    How could this happen? If you are sexually active and you're not getting a period surely your intuition would prompt you to get a pregnancy test?

    Why was this a "secret thing for years" if you were both single? Is he family?

    What are your ages? Yours and his!
    This is not relevant to the case, but I've seen several cases on tv where the person doesn't know their pregnant until several months and sometimes until birth. I don't know how it's possible either. Could it be that the person has irregular periods and that during pregnancy though there's no period, some irregular blooding could occur and they take it for their irregular periods? But at the same time, if she was taking the pill before the pregnancy, most likely the periods were regular. Unless it was progesterone only and then the bleeding could be more irregular. But anyway I always wondered how a person can be pregnant without knowing until an advanced stage of the pregnancy.

    As to the case ahead it's important to know what culture/country is being talked about so that we can understand what "literally kill me" does mean in this case and also the family context. But in any case I think the father should know.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Annia
    This is not relevant to the case, but I've seen several cases on tv where the person doesn't know their pregnant until several months and sometimes until birth.
    Thanks Annia.. yes, I've seen those shows as well. I was interested in knowing why she didn't get a pregnancy test done if she was missing periods. I'm also interested in why all those on those t.v. shows didn't get one. I can understand if its a premenopausal/menopausal woman because period are often missed.

    As to the case ahead it's important to know what culture/country is being talked about so that we can understand what "literally kill me" does mean in this case and also the family context. But in any case I think the father should know.
    I agree.

    One of the reasons I asked their age because I got the vibe that the father was either family of some sort or he is much older than her or he's married. Culture, as you mention could also be a factor making her come to a conclusion that her family would "literally kill" her.

  9. #18
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    The women who are pregnant and do not realize are usually very obese (their body reconfigured or they actually lost weight, or have very irregular periods and did not gain much weight or are in deep deep DEEP denial that they are pregnant. I vote for deep denial

  10. #19

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    he wanted it to be a secret

    I was just in the gym a lot and trying to gain weight also I have always had irregular periods so I never paid attention to them

    Well I guess not actually kill me

    yes they have but they have him and there is a lot of court stuff going on between them like a war (metaphorically speaking)

    he was a great friend of my mother's and the best friend on my cousin until they all basically started framing each other and involving jail And his father is my mother's ex and we weren't supposed to be anywhere around each other's families after that

    He has never actually met her and no I wasn't I actually really liked the guy and wanted a relationship

  11. #20

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    yes s for years and no we are not family just distant neighbors
    we are almost the same age he's just about a month older

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