Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123
Results 21 to 28 of 28

Thread: LONG but pls read - General boyfriend rant because I dont know what to do.

  1. #21
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    8,399
    Oh honey, this is not a relationship. Or certainly not the relationship you think it is and so badly want it to be. You say heís your boyfriend, and yet, he refuses to acknowledge you as his girlfriend. This is so one-sided that it was hard to read.

    I feel sad for you, because you seem like a sweet girl whoís completely being taken for a ride by this guy. He knows you lack relationship experience and that youíre really into it, and he takes advantage of that when itís convenient for him.

    Which brings me to the next point: Youíre right that it would be weird for him to not find a booty call closer to home - and thatís why you need to keep in mind that he likely does have other women on the go closer to home. He barely sees you and wants to maintain the appearance of being single. Thereís a reason for that, and itís not all because heís busy with work. The big mistake youíre making is assuming the reasons he gives you are true. I can nearly guarantee that if you knew what he really gets up to when youíre not around or heís dropped off the radar again, you wouldnít like it. At all. I very much hope you use protection with this person, because you are very likely not the only woman heís slept with in your time with him.

    Heís tried to tell you in so many ways that he doesnít want what you want. You arenít listening or accepting it yet, but youíll get there. Him saying he loves you means nothing when his actions donít support the words. Words are easy to say. Itís the behaviour that counts. And his behaviour is screaming that he doesnít care about you. Donít wait around for it become ďofficialĒ again; heís not using his time off from the relationship in the same way you are.

    I know heís your first boyfriend, but thank goodness he wonít be your last. Your mind will be blown when you meet a guy who is actually into you and wants what you want - that is when you will really understand just how crappy your current relationship is and how there never was a future with this dude. You donít have anything to compare it to right now, but you know this situation ainít right. Itís over and has never really been what you think it is.

  2. #22
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    1,015
    Originally Posted by melp1997
    If he wanted a Ďbootyí he would get one that doesnít live 3 hours away from him and that he could have sex with more than once a month - not exactly the definition of a booty call is it.

    Apart from that I agree with what youíre saying, I shouldnít keep going back and I wonít be doing it again, thanks for the advice :)
    Iíd have said friends with benefits but heís the only one benefiting, therefore booty call.
    As I said before, itís convenient for him that you are 3 hours away. He makes little attempt to come see you and doesnít even pay half for your visits.
    Of course he hangs out with you while you are there , but he still gets sex at the end of the day doesnít he?

    If he was even slightly invested in a relationship with you , why does he go on holiday without you?

    You need to accept that he was never your boyfriend.
    He crawls back because he doesnít want to give up his all expenses paid monthly rendezvous .

    Iím sorry OP but the only way forward for you is to block him completely.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,959
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Oh honey, this is not a relationship. Or certainly not the relationship you think it is and so badly want it to be. You say heís your boyfriend, and yet, he refuses to acknowledge you as his girlfriend. This is so one-sided that it was hard to read.

    I feel sad for you, because you seem like a sweet girl whoís completely being taken for a ride by this guy. He knows you lack relationship experience and that youíre really into it, and he takes advantage of that when itís convenient for him.

    Which brings me to the next point: Youíre right that it would be weird for him to not find a booty call closer to home - and thatís why you need to keep in mind that he likely does have other women on the go closer to home. He barely sees you and wants to maintain the appearance of being single. Thereís a reason for that, and itís not all because heís busy with work. The big mistake youíre making is assuming the reasons he gives you are true. I can nearly guarantee that if you knew what he really gets up to when youíre not around or heís dropped off the radar again, you wouldnít like it. At all. I very much hope you use protection with this person, because you are very likely not the only woman heís slept with in your time with him.

    Heís tried to tell you in so many ways that he doesnít want what you want. You arenít listening or accepting it yet, but youíll get there. Him saying he loves you means nothing when his actions donít support the words. Words are easy to say. Itís the behaviour that counts. And his behaviour is screaming that he doesnít care about you. Donít wait around for it become ďofficialĒ again; heís not using his time off from the relationship in the same way you are.

    I know heís your first boyfriend, but thank goodness he wonít be your last. Your mind will be blown when you meet a guy who is actually into you and wants what you want - that is when you will really understand just how crappy your current relationship is and how there never was a future with this dude. You donít have anything to compare it to right now, but you know this situation ainít right. Itís over and has never really been what you think it is.
    Please read this 100 times in a row.

    I'm sorry that you're going through this, but this is what it is.

    There is so much joy on the horizonósuch an amazing man who will cherish and celebrate youóthat you'll look back on all this as a shrug.

    But to get there you have to let go.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    32,460
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately it sounds like you are incompatible at many levels, from his attitude to the fact that he has a child, an ex and his family. Not to mention the life stage differences and distance. All of these things strain a relationship. You may be better off letting him go and dating local guys who you have more in common with, especially life stage and values.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,207
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by melp1997
    in a hotel because i can't stay at his parents house with him so thats why its expensive for me to go a lot

    he stays at my house when he comes to me so it is a lot cheaper for him
    He was hiding you. Don't ever allow a man to treat you like this one did again. Respect yourself enough to not accept that kind of treatment from anyone, never mind someone who is suppose to love you.

  7. #26
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    925
    Gender
    Female
    It seems like there's a terrible cycle of misunderstanding each other and failed expectations. If you're constantly expecting him to be a certain way and he's hearing from you what a failure he is, I don't imagine he (or anyone) would feel good about it. I'm not pointing the finger specifically at you but I think you should take a minute to acknowledge how you play a role in this dynamic also. I agree that both of you weren't compatible to start and his lies (about where he spent Christmas) and the way he's treated you keeping a secret are all manipulative tactics and just demonstrate lack respect and trust in the relationship in general. At that point (Christmas-time), we are already seeing the darker results of no respect or little respect in a relationship. He doesn't trust your reaction because of multiple failed expectations and chose, what he thought, the lesser of two evils (lying to you as opposed to telling you the truth). What started out as failed expectations evolved into a terrible unhealthy cycle of disappointments, no respect, no trust, failed expectations and very little understanding of each other.

    If you ask me, personally, this relationship is over and done. The communication was shot awhile ago and any semblance of a healthy relationship is gone. He's been honest with you about putting other priorities first. I question his ability to prioritize in the first place but that's another matter. If you're looking for someone serious who treats you and a shared relationship as a long term commitment, this person isn't for you. He's prioritized differently. Next time try and look at the individual as a whole and be cautious when getting to know someone. Take your time and don't let this get the better of you. You've got your whole life to look forward to.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,416
    Gender
    Female
    I'm actually very surprised that nobody here has brought up the question of this "ex". They spent Christmas together with their baby so maybe they are not even broken up? He very well might still be with her, at least in some capacity. Honestly to me it actually sounds like someone who is actually in a relationship and is having an affair. That's why he chose someone who lives three hours away that he only sees once a month. And how he just disappears, especially when he's on holiday. That's probably because he was on holiday with his "ex" or some other woman and he couldn't get away to contact you.

    Everything about this is so dodgy, this guy is extremely shady and I guarantee you that the reason he's been hiding you from his family and never came to meet your family is because he's been having an affair and he doesn't want to be found out. 100% it's either that he's having an affair and/or that he's just not that into you so he doesn't see any point in making any real effort.

    You are being treated like dirt and you seriously need to walk away from this guy now once and for all. He has been completely using you and he does not respect you at all.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,207
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    I'm actually very surprised that nobody here has brought up the question of this "ex". They spent Christmas together with their baby so maybe they are not even broken up?
    Well, Op said this in her opening post
    So after i found out, I had to know if something was going on with him and his ex and i wasnt getting an reassurance from him so I messaged her and she was so lovely and cleared things up for me which is how she finally found out about me
    So it looks like he and his ex are indeed "broken up" but they are still very much involved with one another even if the ex "cleared things up" for the Op.

Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •