Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 49

Thread: am i doing the right thing

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Posts
    53

    am i doing the right thing

    please don't send me anything nasty - im only on here for some dating advice

    iv been dating this guy since February and things are going extremely well and I do like him
    we haven't spoken about making it official or anything as well weve only been dating since feb and we both are not in any rush - we are enjoying things

    anyways the past week has been really bad both of us were given really bad news I was given some horrible health news and have to have a operation & well him -
    One of his good friends ended his life ( he rang me in tears ) I said im here for him if he needs anything ect
    then another one of his good friends was involved in a bad crash. I really feel bad for him : (
    I don't hear from him much since all this has happened - I do now and again check on how he is and I notice he reads my messages and just ignores me OR if he responds its quiet aggressive kinda taking out his anger out on me kinda thing

    Am I doing the right thing by giving him some space? and checking up on him now and again or? because he also said he felt suicidal at one stage - this is such a shame this has happened to him

    I hope im doing the right thing?

    I always seem to put peoples feeling before my own kinda thing and people I care about


    Hopefully someone on here has been through the same boat as me and can give me some advice ect

    Thank you x

  2. #2
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Florida Panhandle
    Posts
    324
    Gender
    Female
    I think it's a good idea to give him a lot of space. You're not exclusive, and perhaps some day you may be. But right now, he needs to take some time to grieve and think about his friends.

    How often do you think you should 'check up on him'?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,210
    First, donít take his aggressive responses personally... this is how he is dealing with his grief. That said, I absolutely think giving him space is a great idea as you donít need to be target practice for his anger and it sounds like he is too overwhelmed to think about dating right now.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    8,641
    michkath, what he's going through is tough for sure, however and jmo but I think him ignoring you and/or lashing out at you is unacceptable -- especially given that YOU are dealing with a very serious issue too, re your health, serious enough that you require surgery even.

    Is this of no importance him? Apparently not. I'm sorry.

    Again, assuming what he's told you is even true (given how's he's behaving who the hell knows), he should be there for you too. Not ignoring you, lashing out for goodness sakes.

    He sounds very selfish. His mindset --- me, me me, my problems, don't care about yours, what you are dealing w too. Your health, your surgery, ugh!

    Nevermind him, let him deal.

    I think you need space. To focus on you, your health, your upcoming surgery and surrounding yourself w a good support system with those who care about you regardless of whatever they're going through.

    You don't deserve to be ignored or lashed out at.. And again, I'm sorry.

    How are you doing? When is your surgery?

    I hope it all goes well!!!

    Take care of you. xx
    Last edited by katrina1980; 04-27-2019 at 02:08 PM.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Posts
    53
    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    michkath, what he's going through is tough for sure, however and jmo but I think him ignoring you and/or lashing out at you is unacceptable -- especially given that YOU are dealing with a very serious issue too, re your health, serious enough that you require surgery even.

    Is this of no importance him? Apparently not. I'm sorry.

    Again, assuming what he's told you is even true (given how's he's behaving who the hell knows), he should be there for you too. Not ignoring you, lashing out for goodness sakes.

    He sounds very selfish. His mindset --- me, me me, my problems, don't care about yours, what you are dealing w too. Your health, your surgery, ugh!

    Nevermind him, let him deal.

    I think you need space. To focus on you, your health, your upcoming surgery and surrounding yourself w a good support system with those who care about you regardless of whatever they're going through.

    You don't deserve to be ignored or lashed out at.. And again, I'm sorry.

    How are you doing? When is your surgery?

    I hope it all goes well!!!

    Take care of you. xx







    Thank you katrina by the way for thinking about my feelings I really do appreciate it - I got the letter this week that my recent scan didn't show good news and I have to come in to discuss a op ( So there is no date for this op yet but it was discussed before the scan if it showed anything )

    Iv showed a friend the aggressive texts I got from him and she said I know he is going through alot but the way his spoken to you is not on considering youre also going through health issues - so I think I best back off for now and see if he calms down abit - grieth can make everyone go through weird emotions which I completely understand

  7. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Posts
    53
    Thank you everyone for the advice its much appreciated
    I will deffo give him space - His ignored me for two days anyways as iv asked how everything is and im here if need anything but I got no reply just left on read

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    8,641
    Just out of curiosity and clarity, did he tell you about his friend committing suicide and another friend's car crash after you told him about your health issue and surgery?

    If you told him prior to him telling you about these tragedies, how did he respond ?

    Was he supportive, did he try to comfort you?

    In any event, yeah, take space, lots of.

    For YOU.

    I hope you feel and get better soon ((hugs)!
    Last edited by katrina1980; 04-27-2019 at 02:39 PM.

  9. #8
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    864
    Gender
    Female
    Give him space to grieve. There's no room for anything else right now.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    8,641
    I just re-read your original post michkath, your relationship is only two months old, since February.

    I could be wrong, I often am, but I think it's possible your health crisis, surgery was (is) too much for him to deal with at this very early stage, regardless of whatever is happening in his life.

    Best to focus on you, your health. Getting better.

    I would not be reaching out to him under any circumstance..

    The ball is in his court as far as that goes.

    Somehow the main focus of this situation seems to be on him, when imo it should be on you and your health, and getting better.

    Please take care of you, and again hope you feel and get better soon.

  11. #10
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Posts
    53
    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Just out of curiosity and clarity, did he tell you about his friend committing suicide and another friend's car crash after you told him about your health issue and surgery?

    If you told him prior to him telling you about these tragedies, how did he respond ?

    Was he supportive, did he try to comfort you?

    In any event, yeah, take space, lots of.

    For YOU.

    I hope you feel and get better soon ((hugs)!


    Saddly that all happened in 1 week for the poor lad THEN after that my bad letter came about my health which I sadly told him I wanted to be up front about it and he said you will be ok youre in good hands you have the right people supporting you. So I don't think what you said that my health put him off he didn't seem that effected by that. Perhaps more about his mates.
    And yes we are in a new relationship only started dating in feb so were not official.
    But his been really open and honest about his friend on the phone to me in tears and admitted in past he wanted to kill himself too. So obviously im really concerned about him. I do like him of course. Im also a kind person and will always support someone who I care about no matter how long I know someone.


    The last I heard from him was 2 days ago. He completely ignored my message.

    I am giving him space like everyone is suggested and focusing on myself. And hopefully he comes round in a few days time.

Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •