Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 5 of 7 FirstFirst ... 234567 LastLast
Results 41 to 50 of 63

Thread: am i doing the right thing

  1. #41
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    2,118
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by michkath
    I just hope this doesnít effect us dating. And i hope Iím not wasting my time.
    But this all has affected you dating, no? Because you haven't really been dating for the past month.

    At this point you're coming pretty close to the period of uncertainty and poor treatment eclipsing the period when things were going well, smooth, and progressing with excitement.

    Whether or not you're wasting your time is your choice to make.

  2. #42
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Posts
    56
    He said to me once
    Ď you donít really call me and it would be nice if you just called Ď

    Thing is with that I did
    Try calling him a few times to see how he was and his reply was Ď sorry I was busy Ď


    I donít want to become Ď annoying Ď and like one those clingy girls

    I really donít know what to do in terms of that really :-/

    So for instance weíve not spoke since Tuesday
    I gave him space I text him earlier today and I got no response :-/

    Like I canít win with anything I do
    😣🤦🏻♀️🤷🏼♀️

  3. #43
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    2,118
    Gender
    Male
    But you can win!

    You just have to change what the idea of "winning" means. In this case, it might mean accepting that he is incapable of treating you in any way that makes you want to date him.

    Because honestly? I don't really get the appeal at this point. You had a few good weeks, and things turned south when life tossed him around. So you've now had a few good weeks and few lousy weeks during the part of romance that should be basically 99 percent good.

    He's been through some stuff, I get it. But know what? So have you. Humans go through stuff, and we actually learn a lot about them based on how they handle it. What he is showing you is not how all people would react under the circumstances he's under; but it's how he's reacting, and it's not very appealing.

    Early on people gave simple advice: give him some space. I think that's often misinterpreted a bit. It doesn't mean you bite your tongue and sit on pins and needles out of fear of being "one of those clingy girls." It means letting go a bit, pressing pause on the emotional investment, and seeing if he comes around as the smoke clears.

    It's a great skill, that, being able to ease the reignsónot in texts, but in your actual head and heart. It sounds like you've remained as invested in him as ever, which is just spinning you around. That's already a loss, you know?

    The win is not dating, having a boyfriend, or any of that. The win is feeling centered, feeling like you. When you meet someone who can appreciate thatóbonus points. When you meet someone who can'tóonto the next game. When you meet someone who seemed promising but turned out to be less than greatóa moment of mourning, a little sting, and then onward.

  4. #44
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    32,772
    Gender
    Male
    Because you take the bait every time he puts you in these no-win situations. It's a way for him to dump anger and "win" whatever nonsense is in his head.. Listen, why do for free what he should pay someone $250/hr to do. Let him talk to a shrink.

    Do not listen to his problems in a one-sided manner where he just bites your ear off with his self-pitying anger dumping. Stop asking him 'how he is" stop appeasing his lame complaints. If he's a misanthrope, that's his problem.
    Originally Posted by michkath
    Like I canít win with anything I do

  5.  

  6. #45
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Posts
    56
    To put a stupid spanner in the works

    I text him saying no problem good luck with your big client he never replied left him to it

    He went out last night & posted a picture of him with two girls

    I see it and wrote back Ď I see the two girls you was with last night nice one 😂👍 Ď

    And he wrote back itís my mates GF and his sister
    And he then went youíve really made me angry

    I said you donít reply to me anymore and then post that :-/ can you blame me and be in my shoes for a moment

    And he said youíre accusing me of now!

    I said I never accused you of anything when did I ever accuse you of something

    He then wrote Ď nice one insinuates Iím doing something Ď

    Lmfao Iv never heard anything so crackers in my life!

    I said youíre not really that into me are you and he said accusing me of stuff makes me angry

    Again I never accused him of anything!

    The last message I sent he just left me on read
    His extremely angry so Iv left him to it and Iím upset as my friend red it and said his making out to be the victim here and thatís not on

  7. #46
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    2,118
    Gender
    Male
    You keep saying you've "left him," that you're "leaving him alone." But honestly? You're not.

    You're sad and disappointed and hurt that things didn't keep going wellóunderstandable. That's human, that's dating. Generally speaking that's when you move on.

    You're moving in. Rather than just accept what's been clear as day for a good while nowóin a word, that this guy sucksóyou're choosing to obsesses, to stay open to and engaged with his suckiness, to take the tiniest of crumbs and call it a feast while just feeling more starving with every engagement.

    Look, you got exactly what you wanted with that text. You pissed him off, got him annoyed, showing some emotion. And you got to yell at him a bit. Probably some part of you hoped he'd be, I don't know, calm and rational and say something like, "Oh, hey you! No, that's just my mate's gf. But I'm sorry for how I've been and I just can't stop thinking about you. Why don't you come and meet us?"

    Not going to happen. Not going to happen because (1) he sucks and (2) because no one on the planet is going to respond well to passive aggressive hostility.

    You're kind of treating him like he's been your boyfriend and you guys are in a "rough patch." But he's just a guy you barely know, who you dated for a few weeks, and who turned out to be a bit of an a$$. Now, to "communicate" with him, you're turning yourself into an a$$.

    This is how toxic relationships form. Healthy relationships form by running from toxicity.

    That's the win here, you see?

  8. #47
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Posts
    56
    You have no right to call me an ass! Youíve been pressed to the ignore list so your posts canít be seen by me now!
    Wow some people!

  9. #48
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    8,945
    My god michkath, you just keep opening yourself up to more and more bull crap!

    I mean absolutely no disrespect, I've made big mistakes too, but you really need to learn some boundaries girl, and find some self-respect, seriously.

    This is on you now, sorry.

    After the utterly deplorable way he treated you, and still treating you, why do you continue engaging with him?

    Texting him, negatively reacting when he doesn't reply back, stalking his FB, then shooting off a reactionary message to some pics?

    I don't get it. Why do you choose to continue with this nonsense?

    This isn't you "being nice" - there is something deeper and much more insidious going on, and I think it would be smart for you to take some time, look within, and explore what that is.

    Again I'm very sorry, good luck.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-19-2019 at 04:04 PM.

  10. #49
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    8,945
    Originally Posted by michkath
    You have no right to call me an ass! Youíve been pressed to the ignore list so your posts canít be seen by me now!
    Wow some people!
    That's a shame, as bluecastle is one of the wisest, most insightful, respectful and respected posters on this forum.

    Many people, including myself, have learned a ton from his posts.

    It's a shame you didn't and instead chose to spin a negative from one tiny comment that was clearly taken out of context, imo.

    Your choice of course, I hope you change your mind though.

  11. #50
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,296
    OP you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of having to placate this guy if you choose to continue pursuing him... and make no mistake thatís exactly what is happening here. He is acting like a jerk and you are following him around like a puppy hoping for some affection. He isnít going to suddenly start treating you better as you have already shown him you will accept his $hitty treatment of you. This is your prerogative of course, just be prepared for whatís coming.

Page 5 of 7 FirstFirst ... 234567 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •