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Thread: am i doing the right thing

  1. #21
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    So this is really weird and wasn't not expecting this at all
    so after a few days of not hearing from him I gave him space
    He reached out to me and accused me of blocking his number and never ringing him. Now I find that so weird as I never blocked his number. And I haven't rang him to give him space. And I explained this over message.
    He then said he would phone me to talk he never did - He then said the same thing again today saying he would phone me after work and he never did again!
    Like can someone tell me what the hell is going on - this seems like one messed up mind game what this guy is doing.
    Like is it the loss of his mate effected him or what? I don't understand all of this. SOO confused right now.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Life is to short for flakes like this. Especially when he is only adding confusion and aggravation to your life in lieu of anything worthwhile or positive. End it, block and delete him.

  3. #23
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    michkath, agree with wiseman, and I'm sorry.

    Pls go back and read my early posts; I sensed he was bad news from the get go, something just wasn't jiving about this entire situation. Him aggressively lashing out at you and/or ignoring you.

    What he's doing now is what's known as gaslighting. It's crazy making and cruel.

    You have only known him two months, as has been said, it appears his issues go way way beyond grieving for a friend, or even depression (suicidal fantasies).

    Lesson learned to not allow yourself to become too invested in a man until you have spent a significant amount of time together, longer than two months.

    Again, I'm sorry.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-02-2019 at 10:25 AM.

  4. #24
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    You donít think he lied do you
    About this whole thing? If so thatís kind of sick :-/

    My text message was completely ignored this morning
    I said how is everything howís your mate in hospital and how come you never rang me
    He completely ignored me
    And he kept going online.

    I then got a fit or rage and upset
    And said You know I can see you online donít you.
    Whatís happened to you the last week you havenít been yourself and youíre pushing me away. Everything seemed really good. Till this recent events. If youíre seeing someone else and donít want me to bother you just be up front and honest with me.

    And he turned it around on me and said how ing dare you say Iím seeing someone else why would you say that.
    And I canít text you as Iím sat next to my boss.

    I think I need to walk away from this now.
    As this isnít fair
    All Iv done is try be supportive :-(

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  6. #25
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    Michkath, please stop reaching out to him! Please please please!

    He's gaslighting you (research it) , making you crazy, it's already happening, can you not see that?

    Block him, he's bad news!! Sick!

  7. #26
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Please read and reread what both Katrina and Wiseman are saying.

    This guy, plain and simple, is no good for dating right now. He is repeatedly communicating this to you in his actions, and your spirit is communicating it to you in the way you feel: edgy, insecure, unhappy, confused.

    You have all the information you need right now to know that it's time to say goodbye, for good, forever.

    Doesn't matter that his friend killed himself, that another is in the hospital. Sad for him, yeah. But that's his life, not yours, and he's showing you that he is incapable of handling that in a way that does not cause you hurt. He's not your husband or even your boyfriend. You have only a tiny bit of history with him that was positive. There is, right now, zero incentive to invest in him. The thing you thought this could beóa fun person to date, maybe someone to get serious aboutóis no longer a reality.

    You're going through some stuff too. You're not treating him poorly because of it, not lashing out at him or others. Remember that, and use that as proof that hard times are no excuse for anyone to treat someone poorly. And use it as a reminder of what's most important here: your health, physical and mental. Both of those should be your priorityóright now and alwaysóand you should not involve yourself with anyone who impedes your heath in any way.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by michkath

    I then got a fit or rage and upset
    Please listen to what your own emotions are telling you here^^.

    I can sense the difference in your posts -- the anger, the "crazy" -- from your initial posts till now.

    I realize you want to be supportive, but you don't continue trying to "make nice" with a man who is this mentally/emotionally cruel, especially given he knows you are struggling with your own issues too.

    I don't say this to hurt you, in fact the opposite, to help you, but that is called having a "martyr complex" or worse a doormat.

    It's about having self-respect michkath and learning to take care of you and your needs too.

    You said earlier you tend to put others' feelings and needs before your own.

    Please stop doing that, it's not healthy or even admirable (I'm sorry) -- people respect those who respect and love themselves first, then they give love to others, not the other way around.

    Take care of you michkath, let him deal w his own s*** of which he apparently has tons, and not your problem to deal with.

    This is not mean, it's healthy and smart.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-02-2019 at 12:45 PM.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by michkath

    You donít think he lied do you
    About this whole thing? If so thatís kind of sick :-/
    To answer this question honestly, yes I do think it's quite possible he lied, I sensed it immediately and said so in my first post.

    Why? He wanted distance or out, and figured it was as good an excuse as any. His actions now are certainly reflective of that.

    Some people use a death in the family, nothing is sacred when they need distance or out. I've seen it many times.

    Yes it's VERY sick, but also reality unfortunately.

    Please just block him for your sanity and health.

  10. #29
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    I
    Agree I donít think the boy is very well
    IF say the stories are true with what happened to his friends
    Perhaps he needs to seek professional help regarding that

    I havenít reached out to him anymore as I got the blame of Ď you wasnít there for me and you blocked me Ď
    I sent several text messages asking how he was and how his mate was in hospital and they were left on read so thatís completely bollox

    He then reached out to me last night & said
    He was upset that he thought I thought I was seeing someone else
    I said the reason why I said that was because you was ghosting me & youíre completely different towards me the last week or so. Usually youíre so bubbly & everything was going really well so I was concerned about your welfare and also had thoughts in my mind.
    He left that message on read last night
    But sent me a message on Snapchat saying Ď you look completely stunning Ď


    I havenít a clue what this guy is on about I really donít and I do hope he seeks help with the loss of his friend & the other in hospital

    But I donít like that his turned everything round on me all Iv done is try care and i have my own health issues to deal with and I wouldnít dream of pushing people out if anything Iíd want them to be there for me.

    Donít worry Iím not reaching out to him. I have done my part.

    X x x

  11. #30
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    This is extremely bugging me

    Why does the guy keep snapchatting me :-/

    Yet doesnít respond to any of my texts
    ( I havenít reached out to him anymore itís been a few days when he ecused me of not caring iv distanced myself away as he ignored my messages just pointless )

    But why is he doing that :-/
    Itís such weird behaviour?

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