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Thread: I think I might be manipulative

  1. #21

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    The meltdown was caused by a mix of college, work and my relationship with her. I know what her schedule is, and she's always extremely busy. But we always have a day for the two of us. Which she's cancelled a few times on

  2. #22
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I get it.

    I remember college. Sometimes I'd show up for class and, like, the class wasn't there. Messed with my head, those moments, because I'd done all this homework and was paying a lot of money for college. But, as a wise man once said, "college is blind!"

    And I hear you about how work can be stressful. I work too. It's really frustrating when my bosses ask me to pay them for my work instead of paying me. I always thought work was to help me from going broke, but then I remember that "work's blind" and it makes me love my job all over again.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Zoey1241

    Me and my gf have been dating for a year and a half now.

    Through that time, there's been one major issue between us. And that is I'm the only one who seems to ask her to meet up and see eachother. I've said about it many times over the past year, but nothings changed. Last night I had a mental breakdown and turned on her (on Snapchat) talking about it all, and saying something needs to change.
    I am just reposting this for emphasis. Your own words.

    Originally Posted by Zoey1241

    I'm OK with not texting or phoning. She's about to start her gces and ik the stress of that, I did them last year.
    But now you're ok w it, she's just busy, you understand, and college and work are the problems.

    Ok very good, I'm glad you've settled that.

    Best of luck!
    Last edited by katrina1980; 04-27-2019 at 01:03 PM.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Well, you're walking dangerously close to un-sorting it all out by choosing to continue in a relationship with someone who is triggering the urge to self-harm.

    You've talked, nothing's changed. That's the point where you move on, generally, rather than double and triple down on the source of pain and discomfort to the point where it's making you think about hurting yourself.

    I think you're feeling bad about the DMs because they were, in a way, a version of self-harm, of you slipping backwards into an unhealthy place where you've been before. Even if the feelings that led to them were justified, the response was not, as you know. You get the immediate release and relief of the explosion, followed by the deeper shame that expands. That's self harm 101.

    You're a year and half into a relationship with someone who has repeatedly shown you that she does not communicate in a way that works for you. You're in a relationship, in short, that feels a lot like self-harm, so it might be worth asking if all that really got sorted out or if instead of harming yourself you found someone else who does it for you.

    That's a choice you've made, and now you have the choice whether you want to keep making it or make a new one.
    This is so on point.

    This is a choice zoey.

    Her having a different communication style than yours is not causing you to want to self harm.

    You not having a proper handle on healthy ways to self soothe anxiety is causing you to want to self harm.

    Please recognize the difference or every relationship you’re in will be a trigger for you.

    You are responsible for your mental health. You are your keeper.

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  6. #25
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    Op, tried to edit my post but too late.

    The reason I posted it was to emphasize that unless and until you begin getting emotionally honest with yourself, nothing is going to change.

    I very much agree w Bluecastles's and figureitout's posts too re your anxiety.

    Spot on, and hope you're listening.

    Good luck.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Zoey1241
    No. In dms. Going mental, telling her everything that's wrong with the way she is in the relationship.
    How do you expect her to react when you say things like that to her? I'd tell you to hit the road.

  8. #27

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    I've used different methods to help with my anxiety in these situations, some with more luck than others. The problem is I can't be emotionally honest

  9. #28
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Zoey1241
    I've used different methods to help with my anxiety in these situations, some with more luck than others. The problem is I can't be emotionally honest
    The you need to put yourself first and get out of this and any relationship until you learn to.

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