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Thread: I think I might be manipulative

  1. #11
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    If someone cancelling a date with you causes you to want to self harm, your girlfriend is the least of your troubles.

    You need to get professional help for your self-destructive attitude.

  2. #12

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    I've spoken to her multiple times about it. But nothings changed.
    Last edited by Zoey1241; 04-27-2019 at 11:31 AM. Reason: Mispelling

  3. #13

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    I haven't self harmed in over a year. I was in therapy for 2 years before that, and I've sorted most of it.

  4. #14
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    You want to be happy? Find a better GF. Look I'm going to explain this. You have self worth issues. You need her to initiate in order for you to feel you have value. Yes you need to work on that. BUT anyone who has self worth would have dumped her a long time ago because she doesn't treat you proper, like a GF should. Get it?

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Well, you're walking dangerously close to un-sorting it all out by choosing to continue in a relationship with someone who is triggering the urge to self-harm.

    You've talked, nothing's changed. That's the point where you move on, generally, rather than double and triple down on the source of pain and discomfort to the point where it's making you think about hurting yourself.

    I think you're feeling bad about the DMs because they were, in a way, a version of self-harm, of you slipping backwards into an unhealthy place where you've been before. Even if the feelings that led to them were justified, the response was not, as you know. You get the immediate release and relief of the explosion, followed by the deeper shame that expands. That's self harm 101.

    You're a year and half into a relationship with someone who has repeatedly shown you that she does not communicate in a way that works for you. You're in a relationship, in short, that feels a lot like self-harm, so it might be worth asking if all that really got sorted out or if instead of harming yourself you found someone else who does it for you.

    That's a choice you've made, and now you have the choice whether you want to keep making it or make a new one.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by smackie9

    Find a better GF.
    Agree.

    OP, this isn't about you being manipulative.

    This about you choosing to remain in a relationship w a gf who doesn't respect you and all wrong for you, and you for her.

    I mean, not showing up for dates? No text or phone call, just stands you up?

    No, you don't complain or self-harm, you LEAVE.

    Deal breaker, bye bye.

  8. #17

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    I'm OK with not texting or phoning. She's about to start her gces and ik the stress of that, I did them last year. But I want to stay with her. I guess the saying "loves blind" is true

  9. #18
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    You're not "blind". You're choosing to cover your eyes and ears because for some reason you don't want to let go.

    So if you understand her situation, why go off on her in DMs? Why feel tempted to cut yourself? Obviously the situation is upsetting you.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Zoey1241

    I'm OK with not texting or phoning. She's about to start her gces and ik the stress of that, I did them last year. But I want to stay with her. I guess the saying "loves blind" is true
    Now you're ok with it?

    So she's conditioned you to not expect much, if anything, from her.

    Not even to keep a scheduled date, or call when she prefers to do something else, or otherwise wants to cancel.

    Terrific.

    So then what's the problem again?

    Why you had a meltdown and went off on her?

    A bit confused now.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Zoey1241
    I'm OK with not texting or phoning. She's about to start her gces and ik the stress of that, I did them last year. But I want to stay with her. I guess the saying "loves blind" is true
    Sounds like an amazing relationship that's giving you exactly what you're seeking from it—pain, discomfort, and the occasional "meltdown."

    When and if you decide you'd like a different experience romantically, or if you're interested in a less poetic reasoning for this one, you can take those steps.

    Until then, enjoy what you have.

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