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Thread: I had a threesome and feel dirty

  1. #1

    I had a threesome and feel dirty

    Hey Guys. New to this and really need advice. Ive been casually seeing this guy for 4 months and the other night he brought his friend over. Both really attractive guys and we had drinks together etc then his friend started coming onto me. At first i was shocked as i thought he liked me but he said it was fine. Then we all had sex. Now i feel used and dirty. Is it normal to feel like this?

  2. #2
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    Why do you feel dirty? It's just sex.

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    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    I don't think it's "normal" in the sense that everyone who opts to try having a threesome feels dirty afterwards. However, it sounds like this was a situation where your intention was definitely not to have sex with both this man and his friend and that perhaps the decision was not in line with your values. You also mentioned that drinks were involved and there were two of them, so I definitely wonder if maybe some pressure was involved.

    I wouldn't be too hard on yourself about the incident and take it as a learning experience, if possible. There is nothing wrong with this type of sexual experience, but it just might not be for you, especially when your intention is to develop a deeper involvement with one of the other people participating.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't do things you're not comfortable with. Was it understood that this other guy would be included?
    Originally Posted by Honeybee19
    the other night he brought his friend over. Then we all had sex.

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    Originally Posted by Honeybee19
    Hey Guys. New to this and really need advice. Ive been casually seeing this guy for 4 months and the other night he brought his friend over. Both really attractive guys and we had drinks together etc then his friend started coming onto me. At first i was shocked as i thought he liked me but he said it was fine. Then we all had sex. Now i feel used and dirty. Is it normal to feel like this?
    You were only casually seeing one of the guys?
    Does that mean a fwb thing?
    Threesomes are pretty common ,what exactly makes you feel “dirty”?

    That you did it with a guy who only sees you casually over someone you trust within a relationship??

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Your language suggests that this wasn't entirely consensual and that's a red flag that you should probably be watching the company you keep from now onwards. Something along the way made the man you were seeing think that you were that kind of girl and were (at some point) open-minded enough to have a threesome, your trust was gained and you went along with something you might have thought you were initially okay with (or not okay with). I disagree that it's just sex. Your body and how it's treated and how you use it is a direct reflection of what you think of yourself and how stable you are in your life. I am not making a judgment call on threesomes. I myself think they are fairly harmless but it's your language that you used that flags this for me and I don't think it's normal. Listen to your gut instincts.

    I have had experiences where I felt absolutely disgusting afterwards and couldn't believe I was in that situation but when I look back I clearly wasn't thinking with a clear mind and I was very emotionally vulnerable. I went along with things that were out of my character and it wasn't the act itself that was appalling but that I'd actually been in that position, in that position where I disliked myself that much to do something like that, hurt me much deeper in the long run. Those are powerful feelings that are telling you you lapsed in judgment and made a mistake. It's fine to make mistakes. Just don't make them again and be very aware of why you feel the way you do. Ultimately, you have to practice loving yourself entirely for everything you are - all your mistakes and all your indiscretions, absorb this, be still and totally, powerfully, release that sadness and pain and move forwards a much stronger person.

    Treat yourself with more respect and if no longer trust this man, don't see him again. You do not need any extra reasons to turn down someone's company (someone whom you've known for only four months). You do NOT and I repeat, you do NOT, have to continue being around this company again. Listen to your gut instincts and heal yourself (whatever is going on under the surface). I think you need plenty of time to heal.

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    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    If you are feeling like that, then that's your self telling you that threesomes are not for you. There is no point beating yourself up over this as you didn't know how you would feel afterwards. It sounds like you acted on the spur of the moment and didn't give yourself enough time to think it through. If you find yourself in such a situation ever again, you now know that it's not what you want.

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    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    You were manipulated into this. You were never asked permission, nor a sober discussion took place beforehand. They made sure you were intoxicated enough that you would be more agreeable to what was about to happen. It's not dirty you are feeling, you are feeling violated. What they did was dirty and underhanded. I hope you dump this chump.
    Please do not blame yourself for this. You were taken advantage of, and were manipulated into agreeing to it. You should be pissed off.

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    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Did you know your FWB was going to bring over his friend?
    Did you try to resist, say no or ask them to leave or were you into it, aware of what was going down (you don't say you were drunk), did it and now you feel that what you did was wrong?

    More information would be nice to have before painting you as a victim.

    Its not unusual to feel bad about doing something that you know your parents or another positive role model would not approve of so forgive yourself, consider the encounter a lesson learned in that the practice, as a lifestyle is not for you and learn to hone your personal boundaries so that you don't let them down for the hell of it.

    Did they both wear a rubber? If they didn't, then that would be something to feel bad about. It would be a good idea to get STD checked and if you're not on birth control of some kind to get the morning after pill or a pregnancy test if it's too late for The Plan B pill.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Honeybee19
    Hey Guys. New to this and really need advice. Ive been casually seeing this guy for 4 months and the other night he brought his friend over. Both really attractive guys and we had drinks together etc then his friend started coming onto me. At first i was shocked as i thought he liked me but he said it was fine. Then we all had sex. Now i feel used and dirty. Is it normal to feel like this?
    They had this planned, no question.

    Who brings their buddy to chill with at home with a woman he’s dating? I mean a social gathering sure but one on one?

    You didn’t see the red flag possibly because you want meow from this casual guy and he’s probably taking full advantage of that fact and pushing for things he wants.

    Don’t feel guilty, you’re an adult you made a consestual choice.

    By that choice was clouded, at least to me, by a possible desire to make the consensual friend happy.

    So in that sense I guess you were technically ‘used’ but in the sense that he exploited a weakness he saw in you.

    You have to look out for yourself better. Don’t beat yourself up, lesson learned.


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