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Hello everyone! First time posting.

 

I have been in a relationship (on again, off again) with a man for about 6 years. The first year was a complete culture shock. I had dated previous guys before, but I wasn’t mentally in a place to date seriously and with people who respected me. So when I met a respectful man who was so affectionate and amazing-I could not help but become addicted and place him as the center of my world. But the real culture shock didn’t exactly happen there. It occurred when we moved in together and I began to focus too much on what our relationship was supposed to look like. I even became more aggressive and angry towards him when things didn’t go my way.

 

Long, long story short, I moved out. I spent about a year in different cities, but continued my contact with this guy. So we’ve been together, and not together, friends, friends with benefits, girlfriend/boyfriend, long-distance, etc. We’ve done it all.

 

And here are the dynamics in our relationship: I’m creative, enjoy quality time with my mate, jealous, clingy, judge-y, expect certain things in a relationship (moving towards similar goals, for example), absolutely hate it when my partner goes quiet or refuses to talk it out when there’s a problem. Also, I don’t exactly have any friends or emotionally supportive family members to rely on/hang with (that’s why I get clingy and jealous-I’ve made my man my everything).

 

This guy isn’t a bad guy. He’s just not right for me. He is self-employed and focused on helping out his parents (now that they are near their death beds basically). He wakes up whenever his body tells him (he’s usually a night owl). He spends more time laying in bed, playing video games, watching podcasts, or videos. He tells me that he enjoys his life the way it is now and wouldn’t change it for anything. He has supportive family and friends in the city he lives in and doesn’t see himself having kids anytime soon. He’s 34 btw.

 

And I just don’t want that anymore. He’s never been romantic, but we’ve been in each other’s lives long enough for him to say, “I’m sorry, but I can’t deal with relationship drama right now, I have to take care of my mom.”

 

I’m utterly done. I want someone who’s excited to be with me.

 

But I don’t have a good base of support. I don’t have friends. My family only cares if I’m alive. I’m afraid I’m just going to walk back to him and apologize. He never calls me/texts me; he’s always asleep or too busy. I’m the one who breaks up and I’m the one who walks back into his arms. He doesn’t seem to mind either way. It’s the same old routine for him.

 

I’m too weak to truly walk away. I have no one or anything that will allow me to walk away strong into something new. I guess my question to everyone is: What are the real steps in truly ending things between you and someone you loved? I mean, this would be easier if we hated each other or if he was clearly bad for me, but he just doesn’t feel like the one for me. I like him. He’s comfortable. But I will never be truly satisfied or happy being with him. Especially when I must follow his lead in life.

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You are not compatible. End it, once and for all. Block and delete. Move on.

 

Time to address why you have no friends. You must have hobbies or interests. How about looking up Meet ups, volunteering, taking courses, join groups that interest you.- hiking, yoga, food, chess whatever. Do something. Time to make some big changes and make yourself a well-rounded individual.

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For people that have an actual end dating goal, walking away from someone who "Just doesn't feel like the one for me" isn't as hard as you are finding it to be.

 

If I were you, i'd be asking myself (with the help of a therapist) why I am so afraid of true intimacy and why I apparently have such a deep seated fear of commitment. You must be having these types of issues otherwise you'd have left a man who is basically indifferent to you and whether or not you are in his life and you'd have hooked your star to a man that is showing you value, that he's glad you are in his life.

 

I've said it before on this board at least 100 times now that when you are off and on with someone, it is natures way of telling you that you are with the wrong person.

 

Why do you believe such tripe as this:

Especially when I must follow his lead in life?
What does your life look like when you are "off" with him? I think there is where you need changing.
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Focus on fixing you, before getting involved with another man, or you will revert to that clingy, suffocating individual. Be single for at least a year.

 

And never make someone your entire life.

 

All of the above.

 

A relationship becomes profoundly suffocating when one party has no life outside of it. You will find greater satisfaction and less desire to cling and control when your life is more balanced, OP.

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