Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: Continual Break Up

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Posts
    1

    Continual Break Up

    Hello everyone! First time posting.

    I have been in a relationship (on again, off again) with a man for about 6 years. The first year was a complete culture shock. I had dated previous guys before, but I wasnít mentally in a place to date seriously and with people who respected me. So when I met a respectful man who was so affectionate and amazing-I could not help but become addicted and place him as the center of my world. But the real culture shock didnít exactly happen there. It occurred when we moved in together and I began to focus too much on what our relationship was supposed to look like. I even became more aggressive and angry towards him when things didnít go my way.

    Long, long story short, I moved out. I spent about a year in different cities, but continued my contact with this guy. So weíve been together, and not together, friends, friends with benefits, girlfriend/boyfriend, long-distance, etc. Weíve done it all.

    And here are the dynamics in our relationship: Iím creative, enjoy quality time with my mate, jealous, clingy, judge-y, expect certain things in a relationship (moving towards similar goals, for example), absolutely hate it when my partner goes quiet or refuses to talk it out when thereís a problem. Also, I donít exactly have any friends or emotionally supportive family members to rely on/hang with (thatís why I get clingy and jealous-Iíve made my man my everything).

    This guy isnít a bad guy. Heís just not right for me. He is self-employed and focused on helping out his parents (now that they are near their death beds basically). He wakes up whenever his body tells him (heís usually a night owl). He spends more time laying in bed, playing video games, watching podcasts, or videos. He tells me that he enjoys his life the way it is now and wouldnít change it for anything. He has supportive family and friends in the city he lives in and doesnít see himself having kids anytime soon. Heís 34 btw.

    And I just donít want that anymore. Heís never been romantic, but weíve been in each otherís lives long enough for him to say, ďIím sorry, but I canít deal with relationship drama right now, I have to take care of my mom.Ē

    Iím utterly done. I want someone whoís excited to be with me.

    But I donít have a good base of support. I donít have friends. My family only cares if Iím alive. Iím afraid Iím just going to walk back to him and apologize. He never calls me/texts me; heís always asleep or too busy. Iím the one who breaks up and Iím the one who walks back into his arms. He doesnít seem to mind either way. Itís the same old routine for him.

    Iím too weak to truly walk away. I have no one or anything that will allow me to walk away strong into something new. I guess my question to everyone is: What are the real steps in truly ending things between you and someone you loved? I mean, this would be easier if we hated each other or if he was clearly bad for me, but he just doesnít feel like the one for me. I like him. Heís comfortable. But I will never be truly satisfied or happy being with him. Especially when I must follow his lead in life.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,639
    You are not compatible. End it, once and for all. Block and delete. Move on.

    Time to address why you have no friends. You must have hobbies or interests. How about looking up Meet ups, volunteering, taking courses, join groups that interest you.- hiking, yoga, food, chess whatever. Do something. Time to make some big changes and make yourself a well-rounded individual.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,961
    Gender
    Female
    For people that have an actual end dating goal, walking away from someone who "Just doesn't feel like the one for me" isn't as hard as you are finding it to be.

    If I were you, i'd be asking myself (with the help of a therapist) why I am so afraid of true intimacy and why I apparently have such a deep seated fear of commitment. You must be having these types of issues otherwise you'd have left a man who is basically indifferent to you and whether or not you are in his life and you'd have hooked your star to a man that is showing you value, that he's glad you are in his life.

    I've said it before on this board at least 100 times now that when you are off and on with someone, it is natures way of telling you that you are with the wrong person.

    Why do you believe such tripe as this:
    Especially when I must follow his lead in life?
    What does your life look like when you are "off" with him? I think there is where you need changing.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,639
    Focus on fixing you, before getting involved with another man, or you will revert to that clingy, suffocating individual. Be single for at least a year.

    And never make someone your entire life.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    9,335
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Focus on fixing you, before getting involved with another man, or you will revert to that clingy, suffocating individual. Be single for at least a year.

    And never make someone your entire life.
    All of the above.

    A relationship becomes profoundly suffocating when one party has no life outside of it. You will find greater satisfaction and less desire to cling and control when your life is more balanced, OP.


Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •