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Thread: Family vs sister and her GF

  1. #1

    Family vs sister and her GF

    I have a sister who is four years younger than me and we had a strong bond weíre basically best friends, we do fight but we still talk and hang out. Now ever since my sister met her girlfriend I was happy for her until everything went down hill. My sister began to change, she used to be the girl who fight her own battles and stand up for us whoever disrespected us then she change into a submissive girlfriend. I took noticed of this and talked to her about my concern she would reassure me everything is fine, which was not.

    Few months has passed and they broke up before their one year anniversary and honestly I was happy. We spend more time together as we did before but she kept bringing up her ex girlfriend I do understand because I broke up with my boyfriend and thatís reason was lack of communication and I understand since we worked two jobs and thatís the price I paid.

    My sister would rampage about her and her action and I would tell her to leave her alone and she said she canít the only thing that tying her down is they sharing a line. I would tell her samething over and over but my instinct would tell me she just want to know I would say. Recently I found out my sister has changed a whole 360 and she distance herself from us making it awkward. We share the room together. Since she got back with her ex and that was my biggest fear which I also had my suspicions as well (friends with benefits) itís different and I was blindsided she kept giving me the silent treatment but wants me to go with her to places especially when mother nature comes and I will still go.

    She would tell me about whatís going on and I give the best advice I can give I never had those relationship issues because there were no reason for it, but I feel she isnít hearing me. Now recently on Tuesday my instinct was going off telling something to check her phone (she have two her old phone still receive text messages from her new phone) so I listened and I hate when Iím right. When my sister went off to work I checked her phone and I saw the message telling her girlfriend that Iím a waste a space and her girlfriend pitched in and agree that I am a waste. It didnít faze me but in second later it hit me and started crying. I started crying because the memories we had together, that sister bond and I was a fool to even believe we still had it. I wanted to confront her about but I canít she doesnít know that I know she be talking about me so I told my mom and this also hurt her as well.

    My mom wanted to tell her about but I stopped cause again my sister doesnít know I know what she said and if do she will change her password on her phone. After I read that hurtful message she even told her girlfriend that we basically donít care about her and how we do her dirty but thatís not the case. As I two and two together she been talking about us behind our back and in front through text for a long since they started being GF and GF (people donít date no more). My mom tell me not to let it get to me but it does and my sister rather play the victim and weíre the villain. If there was a life and death situation she would choose her for than her own family because she taller than Mount Everest and she worships the ground she walks on. I really want the family the bond again like the old days but my sister refuses to listen to reason. My sister is a hypocrite and two face I donít like talking bad about her because I donít want people to see her different but itís the truth. I donít know what else she told her GF about us especially me when they together and all I wish she open her eyes.

    I am taking my mom advice by letting her be and let her found out her own mistakes and I recently discovered that I like to have the family together. I even noticed her girlfriend doesnít like me not just me but our mom as well I and she doesnít defend when she talk about us because she started this drama more like chaos.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
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    I have so many questions.

    Why do you dislike your sister's girlfriend so much? What exactly did she do?

    Why do you feel you have the right to invade her privacy and snoop through her phone?

    What the heck does this mean? : "...wants me to go with her to places especially when mother nature comes and I will still go"

    At a cursory glance, you seem very over-involved in your sister's life and she's tired of it, so she's starting to push back against you.

  3. #3
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I have so many questions.

    Why do you dislike your sister's girlfriend so much? What exactly did she do?

    Why do you feel you have the right to invade her privacy and snoop through her phone?

    What the heck does this mean? : "...wants me to go with her to places especially when mother nature comes and I will still go"

    At a cursory glance, you seem very over-involved in your sister's life and she's tired of it, so she's starting to push back against you.
    I was about to post an almost identical post, lol. A lot I can't figure out either.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's time to get your own rooms and some boundaries. How old is she? Leave her alone and mind your own business. Find friends your own age to hang out with. You are too far apart in age to have the same lifestyle, emotions, thoughts and experiences. Stop picking on her, stop trying to control her and stop snooping on her. It's creepy and bordering on bullying. Get involved in life outside of the family.
    Originally Posted by Nyctophilia
    I have a sister who is four years younger than me. We share the room together. When my sister went off to work I checked her phone. if do she will change her password on her phone.

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  6. #5
    In the beginning I did like her girlfriend and I gave her respect as well but after she mistreated my sister, mentally and emotional abuse her it was the point I stepped and told her what it need to be done and I told my sister if your not happy because she giving you stress to end it before it goes physical.

    I never like to invade her privacy and if telling me something isnít I do confront her about it and do get suspicious. Those moments she doesnít tell me what being especially when Iím being talked about.

    Mother Nature means my period and on the first two days I donít feel good and I would still give her company.

    I was never over-involved in my sister life after she got into relationship I always mind my business but when I do get in she want to talk about her day and what happened and I said before I would give her advice or tell her what I think but itís up to her what to do with that information. She been pushing back against not only me but our mom for no reason especially we just ask her simple question examples; whatís wrong or how was your day.

  7. #6
    Wiseman2 itís impossible to get my own room right now and there is boundaries it always has been but when she involved me what am I suppose to do I keep ignoring her. I do have friends of my own age and I hangout there are time I want to left alone for peace and draw. Iím not picking nor controlling also snooping and thatís the first time I ever snoop. In fact it itís other way around. I never bully my sister, I care about her well being and her safety. Its more to this story very long story as didnít add.

    I been nice and respected their relationship and supportive but the moment my sister tells me something is wrong Iím going to speak on it and define her too. Yes it is wrong to snoop but thatís the only time and I have too. I could walk pass when they FaceTiming and I get disrespected.

  8. #7
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    Leave her be, OP.

    It's her life, and her choice to engage in a destructive relationship if she chooses. She knows how you feel, and you might be right to be concerned, but you can't do anything to force her hand.

    Stop snooping. You don't have to, so stop trying to make excuses for yourself. It doesn't matter if you are suspicious that you're being talked about. She doesn't need your permission to talk about you, be it good or bad. You don't get to invade her privacy just because you're afraid she might be criticizing you or talking to people you don't approve of.

    Try to develop more of a life of your own so you're not so wrapped up in your sister's. You are clearly annoying the crap out of her, and you don't have a healthy sense of boundaries. Learn to stay in your lane and choose your battles.

    EDIT: How old are you and your sister, exactly?
    Last edited by MissCanuck; 04-26-2019 at 08:19 AM.

  9. #8
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Siblings aren't meant to be 'best friends'. Sorry to say this to you but this stunts your growth over time when what you should be doing is growing your wings and learning to fly independently from the nest, so to speak. In my mind, the concept of "best friends" siblings has always been incestuous and frankly, quite warped. Leave her alone to her own relationship issues and stop meddling with her. She is also four years younger than you and you sound very young yourself. Your only obligation as a sibling or family member is for emotional support when she needs it at her most. Sometimes filters are needed and you are not required to be a sibling's bandaid all the time. If she doesn't want you around, stay out of her life.

    I have a strong feeling you're not growing personally in your own friendships, career and relationships outside of your family. The view is too narrow and far too focused here. Spread out a little and have a bit more peripheral vision. It'll help you put things in perspective and remove all that pressure on your family members to behave a certain way around you that's just not natural.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    The healthiest thing you can do is put your eyes on your own paper and expand your own life. Allow sister to learn her own life lessons in her own way, while you focus on yours. This respects boundaries and will pave the way for you to enjoy a better relationship with her in the future.


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