Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 14

Thread: In dispair

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Posts
    5

    In dispair

    Hi just found these forums a couple of days ago, 7 months ago my partner of 17 years moved out with my 10 year old son, 5 months previous to that she announced she didn't love me anymore and was leaving, I was devistated and tried every thing to get her to stay,and I mean everthing, but she was adamant she was leaving she said lack of passion was one of the reasons , I never cheated on her, don't drink we rarely argued, I haven't slept properly in over a year I am at a complete loss, never knew what dispair was untill now, losing the family element is heartbreaking, sent her a email last year saying I was sorry for anything I'd done, and if she could forgive me
    I don't think I have enough time left to get over this I'm 59
    Read all those things on the net how to get your ex back
    I would do anything to get them back

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    8,762
    Sorry you're in this position, OP.

    She cited a lack of passion - is she correct? Had you two drifted apart? Did she ever communicate to you that she was unhappy?

    Where are she and your son living now?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    5,669
    Gender
    Female
    You should consider some therapy to learn how to cope with your situation and get some clarity. Have you had contact with your wife and son since they moved out?

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Posts
    5
    Hi thanks for the replys, they live about 10km away in a rented apt, I was never very passionate even from 17 years ago, so why not dump me back then instead of waiting till now

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    3,371
    Gender
    Female
    It's always good for couples to have "state of the union" talks. I sometimes ask my husband if there is anything he'd like for us to do to improve our relationship, just to open the door to any discussion if anything was weighing on his mind I didn't know about.

    If she cared enough to continue on, she would've asked for what she wanted and possibly asked for couples counseling to give you two the skills to work on the partnership. Instead, she let the bitterness grow which killed her love for you. I don't know if she mentioned things while you were together and you failed to act on her suggestions or not.

    Read some books on mourning a relationship so you can get to the part of healing. Concentrate on caring for your son as he will be dealing with this new way of life. Take care.

  7. #6
    Silver Member Betterwithout's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Posts
    605
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this OP. As the forum name suggests you are not alone. Many have faced such heartbreaks, it really is devastating.

    It's been 10 years since my ex walked out after 13 years of marriage with 2 children. It's been the worst thing to happen to me.
    The upside is that you can and will find happiness again. With or without her.

    My suggestions:

    1) keep the door open to a future reconciliation, but DO NOT count on it. It's hard to figure out what's going on in her mind to have up and left you. It could take weeks, months and years and she may never come around and want to reconnect.
    2) Suggest counselling with her. If she won't go, give yourself that very needed step to talk about your feelings with a trained therapist. It can be the real therapy you need.
    3) Start a journal. keep it private, and spill out all of your feelings on that. Write about your hopes, dreams, desires, heartbreak, future, plans for your son, etc.
    4) Think of one of your favourite hobbies and get back into it. It will serve as a great distraction and keep your spirits up. It could be something you did as a child or something you would have done "if you had time"
    5) Allow yourself to grieve. You are still in pain so let it happen organically, and don't try to block the pain or tears. You are human.
    6) Last but not certainly least....start to develop a very solid relationship with your son. At 10 years old, you need to be his rock. No matter how much time you have with him, make it your top priority. Be open to discussion about his feelings on the matter and open up to him about your own. NEVER talk bad about her. That is vital for his well being, not to mention your own. Find new fun things to do with him on your time together.

    Keep your head up.

  8. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Posts
    5
    I spend as much time with my son as I can, we have a very good relationship, but its so hard not seeing him every night, I now come home to a empty house, this is undoubtedly the worst thing that's ever happend to me
    Reading on other Internet sites I always hoped for reconciliation, but after reading posts on here for the last couple of days it's kind of hammered home that's its very very slim chance, once it's gone it's gone, ironic thing is I still love her

  9. #8
    Silver Member Betterwithout's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Posts
    605
    Gender
    Male
    Fantastic to see you have a very good relationship with your son. He is going through a tough time as well (it might not show yet) That needs to be your focus..... along with healing yourself.

    Of course you still love her. Been there. It's devastating to lose someone you deeply loved, it feels like a huge hole in your heart and that doesn't just disappear.

    Follow my advice above. Don't go home to an empty house, go out and find a new thing to occupy your time. SO important

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    20,225
    I think some therapy could do you a lot of good.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    California
    Age
    55
    Posts
    7,789
    Gender
    Male
    Why don't you have joint custody or your son?

    If she is not willing to set up a fair custody agreement then you need to hire an attorney and protect your rights as his father.

    So why she left could be many things including another man but at the end of the day it doesn't really matter. She is gone and does not want to even discuss working on the relationship so that ship has sailed.

    Your best bet is to work on yourself. get healthy mind and body. Eat right and exercise, dress nice, rekindle old friendships that fell away and make new friends and make being the best single dad your number one priority.

    Try and focus on what you can control in your life and stop worrying about things you cannot control, it is wasted effort and only leaves you spinning in the past.

    What is the custody arrangement right now?

    Lost

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •