What my next step should be

Hi, so I was dating this girl for a while that had known and had been friends with for years. The relationship was going great until about a month ago, she told me she needed a break to work out some personal issues and she felt that it wasn't fair that I get dragged along while she couldn't give me her full attention. So I didn't argue with her and I let her go off on her own. I haven't stopped thinking about her since. We haven't really talked aside from school related projects. Me being me, I think she actually just let me down easy to break up completely and may have hoped for the situation to just go away on it's own, but I usually read way to far into things. As I said, it has been about a month and im itching to get back with her. Idk if I should text her how I truly feel and that I want to try again or should I hold out for longer. Im damn near clueless at this point.

First, I am so sorry that you have been left in limbo for so long. That is NOT a fun place to be. Secondly, the only way you are going to truly know where you and her stand is to communicate directly about it. A month is a good while for somebody to be strung out just waiting, and I think it is absolutely fair to ask for a sit-down to discuss where she is in her mental process of working out these personal issues. Whether her answer is in favor of reconnecting or not, you will at least know where you stand in her life currently and can then move forward either deciding that you are willing to wait longer, or that you aren't willing to be put on the back-burner any longer. This is tough stuff and again am so sorry that you are in this position. Best of luck!

Thank you for your reply. Definitely helps.

Normally professing your love for someone who has just told you they don't want to be with you is not a good idea but considering how half baked the break up reason was, if you really have unanswered questions and need to tell her how you feel, I'd say go for it. It won't hurt anyone especially if you've both not ended on a bitter/aggressive/rude/antagonistic note. If you sense that she's not wanting to speak with you again or evasive, take it for what it is and don't go any further. You might also want to ask her what her personal issues are if you are such good friends or were such good friends. If she doesn't feel comfortable, again, don't push it. Just let it go.

If you are with someone who says "I want a break", and you agree, what happens next is that:

a) They get to go off and do whatever it is they wanted to do with you out of the way, be that sort themselves out (which your lady said she was doing), or see if someone else they met develops into something, or whatever it is that they think is more important than the relationship, or maybe it's nothing in particular, they just wanted out.

b) They have you sitting on the reserves bench waiting for them to change their mind and come back to you, and know that they have all the power.

c) You as you say sit on that bench thinking about them, and you don't process it and start to move on.

And yes it could be they wanted to break up but thought this was an easier way to do it - easier for them, that is, because there is a less guilt and drama for them when you eventually just fade away.

She hasn't had the chance to actually miss you, and feel the consequences of her actions, because you still see her at school, and have some communication*, and she knows you will roll over like a good puppy if she offers to scratch your tummy again.

[* Who does most of the work on those projects? Why are you doing them with her?]

Forget about trying to think of some clever way to get her back. She will only come back if she wants to. Focus on yourself. Treat this like she did break up with you, because that, right now, is the situation.

You should not say anything to her about the relationship, what you should do is take the time you now have and work on yourself -hit the gym, study hard, learn the guitar (or get better at it).

[A couple of other posters have suggested at least one communication with her, and while I agree with Rose, it wouldn't hurt, consider this - by doing what I say above you will be communicating with her, just in a different way - she will notice, and she might even find your show of personal strength and self respect attractive.]

Start talking to other girls (you are single right now, remember) maybe even casually date - but don't shove this in her face, just quietly do your own thing.

Stop following her social media and sticking likes on things, if you are still doing that.

Basically, you need to get on with your life and get off the shelf she put you on.

Everything is much easier than you think. For a start, prepare for breaking up morally, because under such conditions it is not worth it. Then solve all the questions in the forehead, speaking directly and frankly, be a man and set your own conditions or meet or not. If the answer is no, look for another girl, do not dwell on whatever feelings you had, life is short.

Everything is much easier than you think. For a start, prepare for breaking up morally, because under such conditions it is not worth it.

Could you expand on that?

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