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Thread: Do I check up on him?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I was just about to ask the same from you.

    Fio, yes I disagreed with your opinion, and others, but in no way was my response in direct response to your posts specifically, I had an opinion that was diferent from the majority and voiced it.

    I Am not quite sure why you viewed it as a direct counter to you or your opinion.

    I did not quote you nor mention your name. Nor did I mention any other poster's names.

    Again I have a different view and voiced it, that's all.
    Really?

    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    What's interesting about this thread is that there is another poster on this forum who has like a 100 page thread or close to discussing various relationships w men over the years who behave exactly like this guy.

    Coming on like gangbusters, pushing for a commitment within days, lovebombing her up the yazoo, etc etc etc.

    Unlike OP here, she eats it up like a starved child, going along with their crazy fast agenda until it all blows up and she's left devastated.

    Posts on the forum and gets criticized for not seeing the glaring red flags, choosing the wrong guys, being too needy herself, the list goes on.

    Here we have a woman, who sure has issues, but reacts much more healthily -- it's too fast, she's not ready for it, needs to dial it back, becomes overwhemed by the pace and sense of urgency. Tells him she's not ready for a commitment after only ten days (rightfully so!) and it ends.

    In short she's seeing the glaring red flags and reacts appropriately, and gets criticized by some for that. Fearing commitment, anxiety issues, playing games, among other things.

    I don't quite get it but par for the course I suppose.

    Nite all. :)
    Like...come on...

    When the first one didnít get a response you went in even more... youíre like a dog with a bone sometimes with your opinions... which we all are at times... but acting in that manner leaves you open for responses. If you canít handle that quit criticizing peopleís posts... state your opinion and leave it at that...like youíll notice I did...sheesh...

  2. #22
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    Ok leaving this one alone.

    Again apologies if I offended.

    Have a good evening.

  3. #23
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    If you don't want a relationship or at least want to take time to get to know a guy, then you change your behavior. You don't allow 5 dates in 7 days. You go out for coffee or something low pressure, and you follow it in the next few days with a more official date if coffee goes well. You don't netlix and chill. You don't spend the night. you go on official date #2 - but you schedule out a few days. when you see someone once a week or every 4-5 days, the getting to know you happens at a better pace and you have time to decide gradually if you like that person. at a certain point, you start to see eachother more often. You acted like you were on the same page - seeing this guy 24/7 and he freaked out a little that it was movig too fast and then you freaked out and "needed time" even though speed is what you were also dishing out.

    So if you decide not to see this guy again -- when you meet someone new, make them date you - don't be around 24/7 until you decide what you think

  4. #24
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    Katrina - thank you. You also noted that I have issues, so I know your response wasnt a dig or meant to be in any negative convict toward anyone. Appreciated..I didnt do things right but I know my gut instinct.

    Figureitout, you mentioned about me not mentioning it to him but I should have clarified WHEN I mentioned it to him - it was the day I ended things yep...but obviously I wasn't gonna mention it within our 5th or 6th date as I've been out the dating game a while and genuinely thought (and sadly STILL think) that me and him were compatible and that the hastiness was maybe just feeling a certain way about someone you're starting to like. But, I don't wanna be stubborn, I can see how I wasn't 100% clear. I've beat myself up since the day I ended it telling myself I was cold and bitter but I told him it would be 10x worse being with him with all this in my head, hence why I had to open up as he deserved the truth - he thanked me for this.

    I don't disagree that I need to work on my anxiety and that I'm selfish for thinking about rearranging my priorities as opposed to focusing on him but after almost 3 weeks of reflection I know there is grey between the lines

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  6. #25
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    I feel like "what goes comes around" is coming around as I literally can't stop thinking of him and will probably witness him happy with someone. But there is something which stops me from typing out a message and I think its instinct

  7. #26
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jalapeno1234

    Figureitout, you mentioned about me not mentioning it to him but I should have clarified WHEN I mentioned it to him - it was the day I ended things yep...but obviously I wasn't gonna mention it within our 5th or 6th date as I've been out the dating game a while and genuinely thought (and sadly STILL think) that me and him were compatible and that the hastiness was maybe just feeling a certain way about someone you're starting to like. But, I don't wanna be stubborn, I can see how I wasn't 100% clear. I've beat myself up since the day I ended it telling myself I was cold and bitter but I told him it would be 10x worse being with him with all this in my head, hence why I had to open up as he deserved the truth - he thanked me for this.

    I don't disagree that I need to work on my anxiety and that I'm selfish for thinking about rearranging my priorities as opposed to focusing on him but after almost 3 weeks of reflection I know there is grey between the lines
    I'm not saying you are wrong for feeling things moved way too fast.

    I think its quite obvious they were.

    What Im saying is you cant change what you don't acknowledge and I think its beneficial for you to take some ownership here.

    First off, your 'this is moving too fast' radar alerted when your issues with sex were triggered, according to your original post, and not before. So while "he was moving too fast" is a perfectly legitimate reason to speak up. You dumping him cold without proper communication wasn't about that. I am taking a stab in the dark and guessing that's what the ruminating is about...

    I don't disagree that I need to work on my anxiety and that I'm selfish for thinking about rearranging my priorities as opposed to focusing on him
    I can only speak for myself. I did not say this. You are not selfish for putting yourself first. I'm not really clear about what is meant about rearranging priorities, but again not what I stated. I stated what was selfish was that you didn't put your mental and emotional health first, you put dating first, and when you were triggered you acted accordingly.

    This man is looking for someone to latch onto, thankfully it was not you, but it was only not you because your own issues kinda counteracted with his issues.

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