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Thread: Bjjbob

  1. #11
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    Also sorry about the horrible grammar. I'm using speech to text, and I must mumble a lot.

  2. #12
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BJJBOB
    I have try to talk to her about how I feel and I am left feeling guilty for wanting more out of our relationship and I immediately realized there's no point I'm trying to talk to her about it because it's written off and shove it under the rug.
    This speaks to me. You do not have to live this way if you feel that it is so painful and immensely lonely. I can feel from your words that you are in a lot of pain and loneliness. A partner who loves and cares for you does not make you feel guilty for voicing your concerns. If you are sincerely expressing how you feel or what you think and your wife is making you feel worse for feeling that way, this is not a healthy relationship. She's disregarded you for awhile and doesn't respect you. I definitely hope you both rebuild that love and respect. I don't know if you are able to do it together alone or with couples' therapy/counselling. You should know what's going on with each other and why this marriage is so emotionally dysfunctional.

  3. #13
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    Have you ever tried a differet tactic? instead of asking about sex, actually take her out on a date. make yourself available on your day off and do so? (don't ask for sex then, either, but having one on one time as a couple can help) Also, i get that its up to your son to spend time with mom, but is there anyone else, like your parents he can spend time with so you get time alone? Did you used to buy her flowers but don't anymore? Give "dating" a try for awhile to reconnect before throwing in the towel.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BJJBOB
    So my question is if you were in my shoes would you try to move forward with less struggle hopefully and with a friend or more struggle probably but alone?
    I think everyone has unanimously agreed that we wouldn't move forward with this.

    Interesting the choice of words you use. As if being single equates to struggling and being alone. It suggests you feel you are picking the better of two evils.

    Being single is a healthy option. You need to rethink your view on this when it comes to making this decision.
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 04-25-2019 at 03:10 PM.

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  6. #15
    Silver Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I think everyone has unanimously agreed that we wouldn't move forward with this.
    Indeed.

    Many people in the engaged period go through these trials...and for good reason.
    OP, I know this really sucks. You've already gone through the motions of this.
    If you have already sent out the invitations, don't worry about letting your family and friends down. Just let them know that you are "postponing" the wedding.
    You can tell your loved ones and closest friends that you are re-evaluating your decision to marry. They will respect that.
    Everyone would agree that it's better to hear of you being real with your heart than announcing a divorce AFTER the wedding.

  7. #16
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    Thank you all. I think I just needed to hear it from someone beside myself.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She sounds burned out. You need to arrange more time for your son with his mother, family, friends, sitters, activities, etc. You need take more active role with him and give her a break. You know when the problems began and what they are. Do not marry based on having her as a full time live in nanny. It's not fair to anyone. Roommates? Sounds like the perfect seeds for cheating along with the estrangement. Why marry when it's doomed to fail?

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    She sounds burned out. You need to arrange more time for your son with his mother, family, friends, sitters, activities, etc. You need take more active role with him and give her a break. You know when the problems began and what they are. Do not marry based on having her as a full time live in nanny. It's not fair to anyone. Roommates? Sounds like the perfect seeds for cheating along with the estrangement. Why marry when it's doomed to fail?
    I agree with you. If the OP was not home and working a full time job during the day for this past year and the fiancee was working nights - it was she who was home with the son most of the time. Even if he is not special needs to the level of needing help in the bathroom, etc, you never get a moment alone.

    If the mother of this kid is not trustworthy, ever hear of supervised visitation? a Grandparent or other trusted adult must always be present.

    The changes OP talks about = change from going to swinger places to being exhausted has a direct correlation between the timeline the son moved in and OP took a job outside the home.

    Is there any path to the son going into a monitored roommate situation -- i had a friend whose son was involved in that -- 3-4 guys lived together in a house fairly independently and someone came in to check on them and help them with the big stuff they could not handle -- one needed medication reminders, another just needed rides, etc. just to keep tabs, etc.

    where was he living before this year? with mom? a school?

  10. #19
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Oh wow, you feel like she is a roommate, don't kiss anymore, and rarely have sex. I can't recommend marriage, her love level for you has gone down over the years, severely. I see breakup or if you do get married, divorce on the horizon. I'm sorry.

  11. #20
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    Hey all, last note. I wanted to make it clear, she is not a nanny, I take care of my son 150%.

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