This is following the thread ( please give advice dated 04 -14-2019)

So little brief: Have been seeing a man who had a reputation at work and broke couple of hearts . I am a health care provider at this place. Have been seeing him for 2-3 months now and things have been great between us. He did express that he wanted a serious committed relationship , is looking to settle down /have a companion shared every thing about his past relationships including that he dated a nurse at work and every thing was great until I started digging more about him at work . One old nurse has been there for long time really had positive things for him that was positive , and then I happened to talk to another clerk ( female ) with whom he is " good friends" . So when I talked to her , she still seemed having crush on him, shared that years ago they used each other as friends for benefits? and was not happy when I shared that I was talking to him ( may be she was jealous or still has crush ) don't know. Bottom line is I confronted my BF and was very upset that he did not share this part ( friends for benefit ) part with me . He replied that he never was serious about her and that was years ago and mounted to nothing .. so he did not feel it was substantial enough to share with me. I was so furious that he did not share that information with me that I asked him to stop texting me and asking for some space to reflect on mu current situation. So my question is should I let this go and give him another chance? Currently he is respecting my request for space , we text each other once or twice as how it is going and that is it. I am still going to watch him his behavior but is this guy trustworthy? Is it reasonable to not to share that friends for benefit part because he never thought he was dating her ? ( According to it mounted to nothing !) Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you.

let it go. The intimate details of his past is none of your business. But since you are dipping your pen in the company ink, there will always be the possibility of him dating other women you work with. It would be good to know who to avoid on a personal level. All I can say is that you take your chances dating a coworker. Things are going to come up eventually. Just have to look the other way.

I'm edging on his side because if I were dating someone new, I would be pissed off if they went digging through my social media, etc for dirt about me, and who I have been with, etc.

Had you asked him about his past and he left that out, I might be a little upset. But since it never came up, you're totally out of line (in my opinion) to condemn him for not elaborating on his sexual history.

Give him the benefit of the doubt, and stop listening to office gossip.

If I were him, I'd be having grave doubts about someone who not only sneaked around behind my back, but then got furious with me over something that had happened before we even met and was nothing to do with them. Someone who valued office gossip over their relationship with me.

I'm not surprised he's respecting your request for space! In fact, if you're not careful you won't be getting the opportunity to "watch his behaviour"; you'd be well advised to do a bit of self-examination and ask yourself if you want to see him again - and, if you do, stop trying to police a past history which ended years ago and has no bearing on his relationship with you. Otherwise you may find there IS no relationship with you.

I'd be a bit put off and wary, yes. I think you've been that way for awhile because you don't trust him and he has a history of bedding anything with an available receptacle and a hospital name tag.

Don't stoop to this level anymore. You don't need to resort to CIA techniques for gathering intelligence. Your partner should be forthcoming on any information and if you don't feel he's your type of guy or if you feel like you're coming a little too close going to the bathroom where you eat, don't see him anymore and don't date your coworkers. Be respectful in this case as it is just as he is respecting your space. Stop snooping and be at peace.

Honestly your bf shows to lack good decision making by dating people at work, you are now number 3? 4 ?... who knows, right?

Besides that issue, I think you going behind his back asking about his previous hookups either shows very little confidence in yourself and trust issues, can you imagine if you didn't work together and you did that by contacting people he knows asking about his dating life?? come on!

The fact that he didn't tell you about a fwb it's his business and part of his past, did you actually ask him how many people he's dated at work and he lied?

I think the more important thing is, you're still married and living with your husband. In addition to that you stated in a previous thread that you're separated, meaning you're still married.

With that being said, it appears you're trying to fill that void by putting the cart before the horse, (imo). Either way and at this point, I'd skip shopping around and focus on keeping my job.

You had more than one nurse, but one in particular, sharing that he was a bit of a rooster in the hen house, so to speak....he makes his rounds. You saw a text to him from a coworker asking him who's "smashing the female doctor" because between you and him, there was a lot of fodder for gossip...you both had loose lips. You knew very well there was "locker room talk," judging by the "smashing" comment between Mr. Wonderful and his cohorts. There's just so much bad mojo with this scenario...and you need to maintain a professional demeanor, and walk away from this.

This FWB or past date or past GF or past short-term relationships...whatever it is, I think there is an expectation to disclose this information in advance. There needs to be discretion. There needs to be foreclosure. You are now experiencing the backlash of not knowing. It was "no big deal" for him, but apparently it was a pretty big deal for HER, and she got dumped or ghosted or blown off for the newest hottie...do you see the red flags? You have had commentary from more than one person that he gets involved and moves through all the women at work.

Your reputation will suffer much sooner than his will over this.

He connected well with you because that's what he does. He's a charmer, and he charms the panties off of nearly every woman he works with except for "Nurse Ratched" who put out there exactly what he is, but you see her as a bitter gossip. You should see her as a life-saver. It won't be long before he moves on to the next pair of tatas. You will be the next "It was no big deal. It was just FWB. It was only casual."

I think you should walk away from this.

ETA -- Us women can be our own worse enemies (or is it worst?). You're placing blame on her for "having a bit of a continued crush" or "being jealous" instead of recognizing that maybe, just maybe, this woman got stomped all over by this guy when he moved on to the next pair of tatas. Can you consider this as a warning?

If I remember correctly you're still married and living with your husband but are calling yourself separated. Is that correct? If so, you are in no position emotionally or physically to be dating anyone right now and I'm really surprised that he's still wanting to go out with you under those circumstances. Add the fact you are asking people about him where he works and not being very discreet since you're taking what you hear back to him... I'm surprised you two are still contacting one another. I think any man that actually wanted to be in something serious with you wouldn't date you since you are still very much married.

Well , apparently , this so called girl is his platonic friend for more than 3 yrs . This FWB happened 3 hrs ago. If some one did some thing like that to me ( dump me etc) I would never see his face again, forget about platonic friendship. She also brings him food sometimes and goes to him for advice. I would never do that if some one dumped me , walked all over me . She intact told me she is called his " girl" when in reality he dated other people after FWB arrangement was over.She is sitting right there so he gets rejected in his dates and she can have him in the end. That does not sound like she was ghosted but she can never accept the fact that it as just a FWB arrangement and nothing else. He could have her as a girl friend id he wanted but he did not. I almost broke up with him after talking to him. We did not talk for over a week then the real picture came in the view. I support woman and empower them in every way possible but can't support someone who is insecure and can't accept the reality and waiting in the corner so if he is rejected she can get him. I would have moved on to a better place if I was in her place.

I appreciate your input purple paisley, Well , apparently , this so called girl is his platonic friend for more than 3 yrs . This FWB happened 3 hrs ago. If some one did some thing like that to me ( dump me etc) I would never see his face again, forget about platonic friendship. She also brings him food sometimes and goes to him for advice. I would never do that if some one dumped me , walked all over me . She intact told me she is called his " girl" when in reality he dated other people after FWB arrangement was over.She is sitting right there so he gets rejected in his dates and she can have him in the end. That does not sound like she was ghosted but she can never accept the fact that it as just a FWB arrangement and nothing else. He could have her as a girl friend id he wanted but he did not. I almost broke up with him after talking to him. We did not talk for over a week then the real picture came in the view. I support woman and empower them in every way possible but can't support someone who is insecure and can't accept the reality and waiting in the corner so if he is rejected she can get him. I would have moved on to a better place if I was in her place.

No I am legally separated. I have documentation. Yes I understand that I need space for healing, space to reflect on to what happened ... etc . Yes I have taken a break now. We were talking and he was supporting me through this process , then it was my fault that I wanted to digg more into his reputation in case in future there could be relationship. I very well understand that i am not in a place to have any relationship.

When you date the office romeo there will be "broken hearts", including yours. His past is none of your business. Playing "space" games won't change who he is.

Have been seeing a man who had a reputation at work and broke couple of hearts .

I confronted my BF and was very upset that he did not share this part ( friends for benefit ) part with me

No I am legally separated. I have documentation. Yes I understand that I need space for healing, space to reflect on to what happened ... etc . Yes I have taken a break now. We were talking and he was supporting me through this process , then it was my fault that I wanted to digg more into his reputation in case in future there could be relationship. I very well understand that i am not in a place to have any relationship.

Don't beat yourself up over it. In my opinion, you hardly did anything wrong. Just practice a bit more self-sufficiency.. don't depend on him for emotional support. It sounds like he's a great psychiatrist to the whole ward but beware, he doesn't come with any confidentiality agreements at playing psych doc or the resident gyno. Be independent and strong and free. You can find strength in other friendships or in your hobbies, your work and in finding meaning in other areas of life. Congrats on your separation. Onward and forward.

Under normal circumstances, Id say let it go but this is so ridiculously far from normal.

A.) youre emotionally latching onto this guy because youre rebounding. Dude youre not even divorced. Dont even try to say youre ready...

B.) youre dating the company hoe. Dont worry every company has one, no one with a healthy sense of self would actually involve themselves in a company romance with the company hoe though...thats dating and career 101, drunkenly kiss at the Christmas party? Sure but date, and engage in the drama they are always in because they slept with half the company? NOOOOOO

C.) youre judging her but ironically youre posting because you're threatened by her...let that sink in... youre playing the role of someone secure in her 'relationship' but this post screams otherwise...

I support woman and empower them in every way possible but can't support someone who is insecure and can't accept the reality and waiting in the corner so if he is rejected she can get him. I would have moved on to a better place if I was in her place.

Nah you dont and nah you wouldnt, youre jumping to conclusions and believing the word of the company hoe... again everyone knows you dont believe the company hoe!!!! I mean am I alone here, I thought this was common knowledge?

Own what youre doing...