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Thread: Tough situation

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    He doesn't respect himself, therefore how can she have respect for him? I personally wouldn't respect anyone that would let me treat them like a doormat. I'd respect someone that told me to go pound sand after I heartlessly cheated on them.
    Weird point of view. I don't respect myself because I try to understand her, and give her an opening to make things right? I don't hate, I don't hurt, I don't make drama. That is my strength and that is what people respect about me. Me remaining my kind self throughout this situation hit her way harder than me being angry. It feels a lot more powerful, maybe you'll realize that someday.

    When the time comes, and she wants back in my life, you'd think it's all good kiss and make up time for me? As I said, we broke up and it's better for the both of us, she will still have to prove she's worthy to have me, if I'm still single.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by hhans
    Weird point of view. I don't respect myself because I try to understand her, and give her an opening to make things right? I don't hate, I don't hurt, I don't make drama. That is my strength and that is what people respect about me. Me remaining my kind self throughout this situation hit her way harder than me being angry. It feels a lot more powerful, maybe you'll realize that someday.

    .
    I am certainly not one to tell another person how to navigate their life. What I shared is my thoughts on the same situation.
    If what you do works for you, I respect that.
    It's not right or wrong. It's just different.
    I think if I lose control and text her about how I still do love/miss her, she will lose the respect I earned.
    But you yourself alluded to her potential lost of respect. Based on what you've shared, I think that's already happened.
    But if you are at peace with the way you handled things, that's all that really matters in the end.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    There's a really messed up dynamic after one person 'cheats'. I don't know the extent to what constitutes cheating in your mind - if it was sex that she had with someone else or if she shared a brief kiss. It sounds too brief to be an emotional affair so I have no idea what you're basing the term cheating on. Regardless, there was some form of betrayal and, again, relationships rarely recover after severe breaches in trust.

    You seem completely in pain in your initial post but already I was getting the sense that your reaction to the feeling of loss of control was to overcompensate and regain control. Overcompensating in the long run makes you look unstable, insecure and a lesser version of who you used to be. Expecting her to throw herself at your feet or be remorseful is a manifestation of your resentment and all those feelings of betrayal that haven't been dealt with. This is why betrayal is fairly complex and the emotions that arise out of betrayal are difficult to deal with. People are scarred sometimes for life because they've been hurt once by someone's callousness or thoughtlessness. It's also why cheating carries an incredible stigma and there's often very little room for compassion for someone who cheats on someone else. I'm sharing this with you or taking the time to write about this because I've been on both ends of the stick and not proud of either, not happy to have lived on either side. All I can tell you is that when someone looks outside of a relationship, there's something very wrong and, in my case, it was profound pain. I dealt with betrayal and disappointment by betraying someone else in return in a different way. It was a coping mechanism and like I said it was not a proud moment for me.

    I hope you find your peace and rest easy knowing that this is not the right person for you. If she comes back to you and wants to work things out you should be aware that that dynamic is damaged and it is abnormal (in my view) if the relationship continues. Be very careful about the dynamics of a relationship and repairing a relationship after something like this. She shouldn't be on her knees begging you for forgiveness each time or throwing herself at you in remorse. She needs to be able to walk straight also, just like you, and trust sincerely has to be rebuilt from scratch. I hope you do move on and I really hope you do not look back.
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; 04-25-2019 at 06:43 PM.

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