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Thread: Broken Promises

  1. #1

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    Broken Promises

    Tonight my boyfriend and I had a fight on the phone. When I told him to answer something I said (he has a habit of not answering audibly lately), he hung up and ignored my calls and texts for the rest of the night by putting his phone on silent.

    He promised me he wouldnít do this after the first time he did it (it doesnít lead us anywhere and I get anxiety attacks at night so he says I can call him, which I canít if heís got me on silent) but heís broken that promise countless times now. He always repromises it and he has a genuine will to keep it, but it doesnít ever last.

    How many chances do I give him? Other than broken promises, we are in a great relationship but Iím scared about not trusting him. What am I supposed to do?

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Are you being treated for anxiety?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you been dating? How old is he? How is your in person communication? You need to pull way back on the clinging and phone tethering.

    Ask your parents to take you to a doctor and get a referral to a therapist for the anxiety. Never use friends/bfs as psychiatrists.

    It's pretty clear he is getting burned out from having to be there for your anxiety attacks but doesn't know how to deal with it.
    Originally Posted by lexilexi
    When I told him to answer something I said (he has a habit of not answering audibly lately), he hung up and ignored my calls and texts for the rest of the night by putting his phone on silent. I get anxiety attacks at night so he says I can call him, which I canít if heís got me on silent.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Arguing should always be made in person and respectfully. Use the phone just for occasional communication and not for deep conversations or arguing. Also if you suffer from anxiety maybe getting help might help you manage it and not let it affect your relationships.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    While I agree that he may being burned out by untreated anxiety, it is possible that your anxiety is also linked to his poor communication skills (or at the very least these two problems are linked and worsening each other). Giving someone the silent treatment after it has been discussed that shutting down is not an effective method for resolving conflicts in the relationship is a big red flag. At times, silent treatment can even be emotionally abusive when it is used to control the other person's emotions or behavior. In this case, though, I think it is a sign that he is giving up on the relationship and cares less than he used to about how his behavior makes you feel. I think you should take a big step back and consider if this relationship is right for you before you break if off, but it sounds like the two of you are incompatible to me.

  7. #6
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    Your bf is not your therapist and should not be responsible for helping you with anxiety. Have you seen a doctor?

    Hanging up and ignoring you, is disrespectful and problematic in a relationship.

    It sounds like you both have issues. You do not sound compatible.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 04-24-2019 at 10:13 AM.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    What was the argument about? As others have said, he shouldn't have to serve as a sponge, or worse an emotional punching bag due to your anxiety.

    Also, depending on the argument, I don't think it's out of bounds to hang up. There are many situations I'd consider it excusable.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'm a bit unsure about the situation and need a bit more confirmation. Does he have a speech impediment? He may have a soft voice or his phone is lousy or he or you is on a cheap plan. You seem a little strong-minded about the situation, let's put it that way. I've had misunderstandings before based on dropped calls, unable to get through due to black spots for reception and other issues with a cell phone. I'm not surprised he doesn't want to speak to you after you've gotten upset or angry at him. People generally don't want to be around others who are upset.

    Your focus seems to be on broken trust/promises. I'm not asking you to abandon this train of thought but can you put it on hold for a second? When we feel that someone has wronged us we automatically take on an aggressive or defensive role. If you can hold that for a second and think about other ways to work around this or think of the situation differently it might lessen your frustration overall and you both might come to a solution together.


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