Partner ended things then came back 48 hours later

We were dating for about 3 months and we got into an argument where I told her I don't think she'll ever be able to fully commit to us. The next day she asked to meet. Once we set a place and time, she backed out. I pushed her to meet since she had brought it up so she finally agreed. When we met she said she doesn't know if she'll ever be able to commit and that we should end it. This took me by surprise but I didn't overreact. I just wished her the best, we said our goodbyes, and that was that.

A couple days later she texts me telling me she misses me and that she thinks with some changes, our relationship could grow and this could work. We met up and spent time discussing what we need to work on, what made her think she couldn't commit, and came up with an agreement

1. We need to have our own lives and see each other less since we both felt like we were losing ourselves (we were seeing each other 5-6 days a week which was causing us to skip out on the things we liked doing...time with friends, our separate fitness commitments etc)

2. No more inviting the other to outings with friends until we sort ourselves out. (within 2 or 3 weeks of dating, we had already met each others friends and inviting each other to all events. Didn't have much time to ourselves with our friends)

3. Be more open about our likes dislikes (we'd tend to not say anything when something bothered us and it caused things to get tense and come out later)

After the talk, I said we can give it another try. So far it has been working the way we've discussed but it has only been a week. Has anyone ever run into a situation like this...especially where the dumper comes back within less than a week? Has it ever worked out? I've been in situations where the ex/dumper comes back but it was months later. Never experienced this quick of a turnaround and not quite sure how to handle.

I'm curious about the conclusions earlier about not being able to commit. Do you think they were a bit hasty? You both might find it useful to review your reasons for that break up and agree that together between the both of you that hasty decisions are generally not healthy. The yo-yo effect hurts two people over time.

I don't see anything wrong with the solutions and agreements for a healthier relationship. Communication is always a plus. They sound positive and like you're both headed in the right direction. You both could have come to these conclusions without breaking up. This might have been a better approach.

I wouldn't self-sabotage or sabotage the make up now with turnaround time questions. If you needed more time you should have spoken up and been honest with her, not agreed to something you still felt uncomfortable with. The grass is greener type of mentality is going to bite you in the behind (again that yo-yo effect). If you think this is worth giving a shot, don't sabotage the relationship. Make up your mind and stick with it. Otherwise, try not to second guess or tear yourself apart asking these kinds of questions. It really is your call (what you feel is best). Just try to rebuild that trust with each other. It takes two.

Three months is just the beginning, keep that in mind. It shouldn't be heavy or have issues because if there are problems, it's a sign it's not working.

I'm not sure I would hold your breath, OP.

You felt she couldn't commit, so I am guessing you sensed she was pulling away and wanting more space from you. Who was it who established these specific rules of engagement moving forward? What sparked the argument that led to her initially calling it off?

While I don't think devoting more time to your own lives and interests is a bad thing, I am not sure if that will address the issues you two had or if her interest simply isn't there anymore. I would see how it goes, but set a mental timeline for yourself to see if things do improve. Your needs and desires in a relationship might simply not be compatible.

She simply couldn’t commit to a smothering relationship. Not many can.

She may have been as much to blame as you for seeing each other almost everyday since you met a mere 12 weeks ago.

But that contact is not sustainable for most people.

Why would you spend 90% of your free time with someone you have yet to get to know over time to spend with family and friends?

I think she likes you. But I think she is smothered by you. And like me she is probably questioning what else is important in your life , but can dismiss easily to spend time with her , someone you don’t actually know that well?

It's not a good sign when someone runs away from a problem and risks losing the person forever, instead of working on the issues together. Because past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. If she dumped you so easily once, she might do it again.

But if you think she's worth the risk, take a day-by-day, wait and see attitude. Don't project to the future and just be in the present. Abide by the rules and enjoy each's other's company. Put in the effort and see if she puts in the effort as well. Look at your own behavior and consider that you got way too serious too soon. I don't know what you mean by "unable to commit" because the first 3 months is the honeymoon period where you're excited about each other and just scratching the surface of who this person is. You shouldn't have your sights on a lockdown, as the real person should now start emerging little by little as time goes by and it usually takes a full year to see how a person will be treating you in the long run and if their ethics match yours.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

It's the first step to an on/off relationship. This is were people are to afraid/attached to end it but simply can't get along or are incompatible on various issues. All you can do is get to the root of the real problems and hope to resolve them.