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Girls that don't like to kiss


csdude55

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I'm a white male, early 40s.

 

About 4 years ago I briefly dated this girl that was quite a bit younger than me and Hispanic. She pursued me and made the first move to kiss, but I thought it was kind of unusual... no tongue, but a lot of lower-lip sucking. I went with it, but I thought maybe it was an Hispanic thing.

 

Awhile after she and I split, I started talking to another girl... still younger than me but a few years older than the first, and also Hispanic. She was VERY shy, and told me several times by message that she was really in to me, but she thought that kissing was gross. And she really didn't like sex, either. That relationship never really went beyond just chatting and hanging out a few times, mainly because I didn't know how to advance the relationship beyond friends.

 

Recently, I've been pursued by another girl. She's also quite a bit younger than me, and she's white. She also says that she's very shy, but she's been pretty flirty and will get a little sexy by message. But a few days ago, she, too, said that she doesn't really like to kiss!

 

I'm truly at a loss here... three girls in a row that don't like to kiss?

 

It's not a race or culture thing, since this third girl is white. Is it a generational thing? Do younger women just not like to kiss? Or is it me... they like my personality but aren't really physically attracted to me, so it's the idea of kissing me that's a turn off?

 

And in these situations where kissing is more or less off limits (at the very least a turn off for her), how do you make a sexual advance?

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So, you're 40, dating 20 year olds?

 

I don't think it's the norm for women to dislike kissing or intercourse,

 

You've either had a streak of bad luck, are a bad kisser so they avoid that, or, despite obviously there having been something about a man twenty years their senior that appealed to them, there's also something about your interest in them that concerns them or makes them uneasy about being intimate with you.

 

Have you had this happen with, say, 4O year old women?

Why are you choosing girls who haven't had the maturity to avoid getting pregnant three times before they turned 19? I'd say they are sensing something is off despite not having the wisdom to not get involved in the first place.

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It doesn't sound like any of them was shy. Shy women don't pursue men. It does sound like they were looking for a sugar daddy but were not physically attracted to you. Women half your age = too young = a liability.

 

P.S. There is nothing mature about having 3 children by the age of 19.

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Kissing to me involves more emotional involvement than a regular roll in the hay. They may think you have a great personality but as others are picking up, you're dating too young, and there is very little emotional attachment to you. How could they possibly comprehend you with the total dearth of experience? This is not meant as malicious or ill-intended ageism by the way(just an acknowledgment of differences). I only look back at what I was when I was younger and when I did date older men. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, what they meant(their actions or words, unable to read between the lines) and totally didn't understand references to music, pop culture or other things you just 'get' with people your own age. I'm curious - do older women intimidate you or ?

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Ah, I'll be honest here. I'm not a big kisser. Am I good at kissing? I think so. If the other person is too, I can get some enjoyment out of it, but I pretty much would prefer any other sexual or romantic activity.

 

Now, if these ladies don't want any physical relationship with you at all, that's a big red flag.

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The first, I was 39 and she was 19. She had 3 children, though, which made her much more mature than you would expect.

 

The second, I was 40 and she was 26. She had 2 children.

 

The third is 21, no children.

 

I asked because it sounds a bit off.

 

Maybe try dating women closer to your age, I don't know, maybe 5 years difference, you may find to have more things in common with them.

 

Either you are being used for free meals or you are giving these people a weird vibe being so much older than them

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You've either had a streak of bad luck, are a bad kisser so they avoid that, or, despite obviously there having been something about a man twenty years their senior that appealed to them, there's also something about your interest in them that concerns them or makes them uneasy about being intimate with you.

Well, in the case of the first girl, she kissed me first after I gave her a ride home, but immediately was close-mouthed. She was the first girl I've ever known that sucked on my lower lip (which I didn't love), but she was also very turned on. So I don't think it was that I was a bad kisser or that she was afraid to be intimate?

 

The second girl, we never actually kissed, so that one wouldn't be that I'm a bad kisser, either. But she could have been hoping to use me.

 

The third girl (the recent one), we've never kissed, either. We chat online a bit and she's talked about being very submissive and always preferred older men, but during a heated chat one evening she mentioned that she doesn't really like kissing. I didn't push, so I honestly don't know if she doesn't like kissing in general, or if maybe she just doesn't like the fantasy of kissing me. But she has no problem fantasizing about MUCH more intimate things.

 

 

Have you had this happen with, say, 4O year old women?

Why are you choosing girls who haven't had the maturity to avoid getting pregnant three times before they turned 19? I'd say they are sensing something is off despite not having the wisdom to not get involved in the first place.

I really don't date very often at all. I'm in a small, rural area, so there are very slim pickings of single women! And no offense to anyone, but I'm a muscular, fit guy, and the few women I've met that are single and anywhere close to my age are... well, not fit.

 

I haven't pursued anyone myself in at least 4 years, all of my dating has been with girls that have pursued me.

 

I guess I should also mention, that first girl with 3 kids? She's Pentecostal, and they generally don't believe in birth control (if God wants them to get pregnant, they will). And locally, at least, it seems like most Hispanic girls start having kids at a young age, so this wasn't exactly unusual. I'm pretty sure that her mom had her when she was 15 or 16, too. So it wasn't that she lacked the maturity to avoid getting pregnant, it was more like a conscious choice based on cultural, religious, and familial precedents.

 

 

I'm curious - do older women intimidate you or ?

Nope, not at all! If I were looking for a serious relationship then I would be perfectly happy dating a woman closer to my age. But finding a local, single woman that's my age and to whom I'm physically attracted? Well, it's been a long few years...

 

Ah, I'll be honest here. I'm not a big kisser. Am I good at kissing? I think so. If the other person is too, I can get some enjoyment out of it, but I pretty much would prefer any other sexual or romantic activity.

 

Now, if these ladies don't want any physical relationship with you at all, that's a big red flag.

The second girl that I mentioned didn't want any type of physical relationship, saying that sex often made her physically ill. Which, after some research, isn't all that uncommon; it's similar to sea sickness, and Dramamine often helps! But we never got a chance to try it out. I did wonder, though, if she was just saying that because I was a meal ticket that she wasn't really attracted to.

 

The other two, though, seem/seemed very sexually interested. The first girl couldn't keep her hands off of me!

 

This recent one, though... I just don't know. We've only been talking for a short period and she gets shy pretty easily, but she seems very interested in sexual exploration with me. I wouldn't say that we're talking about having a relationship, though... I get the feeling that it's more of an exploration of a few fantasies.

 

But since you (SGH) seem to be similar to her in this aspect, how does a man get from step 1 (talking) to step 3 (you naked) without taking step 2 (kissing)? That's kind of always been my go to: move in slowly for the kiss, then take it to a more passionate kiss, then body touching, then neck kissing, then clothes go flying.

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I was actually just about to say that

The thought DID cross my mind, too. But the fact that they're sexual seems to imply the opposite. Unless you're saying that they're willing to have sex for a "free dinner", but not kiss?

 

FWIW, I've literally bought nothing for any of them. Ever. That first one, I brought her a smoothie one time (she didn't ask), but then later on she insisted on paying for my lunch.

 

I'm sure that SGH really doesn't appreciate the implication that if a girl doesn't like to kiss then she must be a gold digging . I'm starting to find that a little demeaning myself... you don't know me at all, yet you seem to think that I have no attractive qualities other than money.

 

and ask why you brought race into it if there was no pattern

Since 66% of the experience was with Hispanic women, I mentioned it in case someone could definitively say "yes, in the Hispanic culture kissing isn't that prominent". Or something to that nature.

 

But that has been negated by @Afireblue, so it's no longer relevant.

 

the only pattern I see is you going after much much younger women...

No offense, but you're clearly not paying attention to what I've said...

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They all have issues. Big ones. And you are still trying to glaze that over, asking how you can advance things. You don't. You go out there and find women to date who aren't riddled with sexual issues.

 

The 19 year old.. wow. She was having kids when she was a kid. It shouldn't be a shocker she probably sucks at kissing. She hadn't had much chance to develop her own sexuality/ sensuality. First, she was only 19! Second, she was busy having babies. She probably kissed you the only way she knew how based on her limited experience.

 

Second woman, a few kids too and told you outright kissing and sex repelled her.

 

Third one has issues around sexuality too.

 

The common thread here is dating young women who are messed up.

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Make sure you go to the dentist regularly and all your teeth are in good repair and healthy. Make sure your oral hygiene is in order and that you do not have bad breath from poor gums/teeth or pungent foods. Consider mouthwash and breath mints. Also make sure your facial hair is groomed/clean shaven.

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You could try kissing other parts of her body, such as her neck. Maybe give her a nice massage first too. I would really recommend just asking what it is she wants and likes, though. I may have one thing in common with this woman, but that doesn't mean that all of our sexual interests are the same. Nothing substitutes for open communication with a partner. Plus, if she is actually not into you/using you, it should become clear when you talk to her.

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You could try kissing other parts of her body, such as her neck. Maybe give her a nice massage first too. I would really recommend just asking what it is she wants and likes, though. I may have one thing in common with this woman, but that doesn't mean that all of our sexual interests are the same. Nothing substitutes for open communication with a partner.

Great advise, thank you :-)

 

I should probably say, though, that I don't expect this one to turn in to a long term relationship or anything. The girl that's talking to me is in college and has stated several times that she's always really busy with work and schoolwork, and plans to settle down in 4 or 5 years. So I'm pretty sure that her intention is more of a casual dating variety.

 

Plus, if she is actually not into you/using you, it should become clear when you talk to her.

I'm generally pretty perceptive, and I really don't think that this is the case.

 

The first girl, she was really in to me, there was no denying it. She would message me all day long, even when they were slow at her job. She was always genuinely excited to see me, and always insisted on splitting the check. There was never any indication that she was using me, broken, or dysfunctional. We're still friends and talk on a semi-regular basis.

 

The second girl, she and I talked for several months, but something always felt "off" on that one. But I don't think she was really trying to use me (although she did ask to borrow money at the end of our... relationship?), I get the feeling that she was either still married or at least trying to patch things up, while talking to me on the side. Ironically, she was the oldest of the three that I've mentioned.

 

The current one, we met 4 or 5 years ago and were always friendly, but she moved away to college and we lost touch. She transferred to the local college this year and we reconnected, and now I realize that she was crushing on me when we met, too. Again, there's no indication that she's using me, broken, or dysfunctional, I think that she's just pursuing her youthful crush and looking for some sexual exploration and experience.

 

And ya know, as for the others that seem so focused on the age...

 

Where do you guys suggest I meet 35+ women that are single, not angry and sour, not drug addicts or ex-cons, and physically fit? I feel like that's a very small list of requests, but I've been looking and I don't find them. I've done the Tinder, Bumble, and OKCupid thing (with an age differential of 18-45, and up to 100 miles away), as well as looking locally, but the wide majority of my matches and subsequent connections have been younger women.

 

The matches I've had with 35+ woman have almost all turned out to be married. And a few have demanded that I express interest in a serious, committed relationship with them before we ever meet in person! I honestly think that they've been more broken and dysfunctional than the younger women I've matched with.

 

My "best" match was with a 26 year old woman that worked at a bank and played in a symphony on weekends. She was sexy but not overly sexualized, we had great conversations. I thought that she and I really clicked, and I was excited to see where that one went. But then one day... ghosted, no explanation. In retrospect on that one, I think she was probably married, too, and had to delete everything when she got caught.

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The thought DID cross my mind, too. But the fact that they're sexual seems to imply the opposite. Unless you're saying that they're willing to have sex for a "free dinner", but not kiss?

 

FWIW, I've literally bought nothing for any of them. Ever. That first one, I brought her a smoothie one time (she didn't ask), but then later on she insisted on paying for my lunch.

 

I'm sure that SGH really doesn't appreciate the implication that if a girl doesn't like to kiss then she must be a gold digging . I'm starting to find that a little demeaning myself... you don't know me at all, yet you seem to think that I have no attractive qualities other than money.

 

 

Since 66% of the experience was with Hispanic women, I mentioned it in case someone could definitively say "yes, in the Hispanic culture kissing isn't that prominent". Or something to that nature.

 

But that has been negated by @Afireblue, so it's no longer relevant.

 

 

No offense, but you're clearly not paying attention to what I've said...

 

How am I not paying attention?

 

Every woman described is at least a decade younger than you, since 19 and 20 year olds going after MUCH older men isnt exactly the norm, its safe to assume you are targeting much younger women, if I wasnt paying attention I wouldnt have noticed, oh who am I kidding Stevie Wonder would notice...

 

You're attempting to get us to pay attention to the mouse while were all getting suffocated by the elephant, these women not kissing you isn't the issue...

 

They all have issues. Big ones. And you are still trying to glaze that over, asking how you can advance things. You don't. You go out there and find women to date who aren't riddled with sexual issues.

 

The 19 year old.. wow. She was having kids when she was a kid. It shouldn't be a shocker she probably sucks at kissing. She hadn't had much chance to develop her own sexuality/ sensuality. First, she was only 19! Second, she was busy having babies. She probably kissed you the only way she knew how based on her limited experience.

 

Second woman, a few kids too and told you outright kissing and sex repelled her.

 

Third one has issues around sexuality too.

 

The common thread here is dating young women who are messed up.

 

This is.

 

 

 

Where do you guys suggest I meet 35+ women that are single, not angry and sour, not drug addicts or ex-cons, and physically fit? I feel like that's a very small list of requests, but I've been looking and I don't find them. I've done the Tinder, Bumble, and OKCupid thing (with an age differential of 18-45, and up to 100 miles away), as well as looking locally, but the wide majority of my matches and subsequent connections have been younger women.

 

The matches I've had with 35+ woman have almost all turned out to be married. And a few have demanded that I express interest in a serious, committed relationship with them before we ever meet in person! I honestly think that they've been more broken and dysfunctional than the younger women I've matched with.

 

There it is!!!

 

The IRONY is while dismissing women around your age because theyre damaged goods youre opining about 19 year olds with 12 kids who wont kiss you!!!!

 

I couldnt make up a more blatant expression of the real issue....

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How am I not paying attention?

 

Every woman described is at least a decade younger than you, since 19 and 20 year olds going after MUCH older men isnt exactly the norm, its safe to assume you are targeting much younger women, if I wasnt paying attention I wouldnt have noticed, oh who am I kidding Stevie Wonder would notice...

 

You're attempting to get us to pay attention to the mouse while were all getting suffocated by the elephant, these women not kissing you isn't the issue...

As I've stated numerous times, I'm not the one doing the targeting here... they're targeting me.

 

Example. I go to a restaurant for dinner a few times, and the waitress starts to remember me. After a few times she comes over to chat, flirt, giggle, etc. She sends me a friend request on Facebook, and we chat more. One day she asks me if I'm in the area, her ride home bailed and she's hoping I can take her.

 

What part of that sounds like I'm doing the targeting?

 

You know what they say happens when you "assume", right?

 

Further:

 

since 19 and 20 year olds going after MUCH older men isnt exactly the norm

 

As I mentioned before, I've done the Tinder, Bumble, and OKCupid thing (with an age differential of 18-45, and up to 100 miles away)... and the wide majority of my matches and subsequent connections have been younger women. That's been with me literally swiping on every woman (excluding the morbidly obese), and younger women are swiping back on ME.

 

Since some are so focused on it, and you seem to think that it's so unusual, you might find this interesting:

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201706/why-do-some-women-date-much-older-men

 

The study finds that young women in relationships with much older men (an average of 17 years older) are just as happy as those in same-age relationships.

 

This seems to show that your assumptions are based on ignorance and your own personal biases rather than in facts.

 

And yet more reading on it:

 

https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/love-sex/15-reasons-why-women-love-older-men/ss-AAn1qMF

 

This seems to show that the ongoing theory that younger women that like older men are either gold digging or are somehow "broken" is rather misinformed, as well.

 

The IRONY is while dismissing women around your age because theyre damaged goods youre opining about 19 year olds with 12 kids who wont kiss you!!!!

What opinions on the women have I given? I asked a question, all of the opinions and conclusion-jumping has been on the ends of others.

 

But to be clear here, in your mind, I should date a woman that's married, hateful, smokes crack, or is morbidly obese, rather than a 21 year old woman that generally doesn't like to kiss?

 

Based, presumably, on nothing but to make some rando on a message board happy?

 

With all due respect, you obviously have no experience in this matter, so you're really not helping at all. The only person that has actual experience has been SGH, and I appreciate her help. If your only input is to ignorantly insult and attack, why waste your time?

 

Or is it that this has pressed a button for you... maybe jealousy that attractive men are dating younger women rather than married, hateful, morbidly obese crackheads? Hmm, I'm starting to realize that maybe the 21 year old that generally doesn't like to kiss isn't the only one with issues here...

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Or is it that this has pressed a button for you... maybe jealousy that attractive men are dating younger women rather than married, hateful, morbidly obese crackheads? Hmm, I'm starting to realize that maybe the 21 year old that generally doesn't like to kiss isn't the only one with issues here...

 

Yep you got me, I'm a morbidly obese bitter hate filled crackhead, I actually aged myself up so I could hit the trifecta!

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The story is similar to the scene from the comedy series, no offense :) They are looking for a sponsor, taking into account the age difference, this is logical, but they can say anything. Think, if mature girls don't want to go to the intimacy, it's not about whether they like it or not, but what is the purpose of dating them. I recommend that you find a girl yourself or be more selective.

 

For example, I will not meet with a girl who has children under 18 years old.

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How am I not paying attention?

 

Every woman described is at least a decade younger than you, since 19 and 20 year olds going after MUCH older men isnt exactly the norm, its safe to assume you are targeting much younger women, if I wasnt paying attention I wouldnt have noticed, oh who am I kidding Stevie Wonder would notice...

 

You're attempting to get us to pay attention to the mouse while were all getting suffocated by the elephant, these women not kissing you isn't the issue...

 

 

 

This is.

 

 

 

 

There it is!!!

 

The IRONY is while dismissing women around your age because theyre damaged goods youre opining about 19 year olds with 12 kids who wont kiss you!!!!

 

I couldnt make up a more blatant expression of the real issue....

 

I'm in my late 20s but I never understood this "there are not women in their 30s and 40s that are not angry and sour, damaged goods and attractive!" some men say . I know many women in this age group and most of them are well adjusted and attractive. And usually the men who make these generalisations about women who are not 20 years younger than them are men who are themselves damaged goods who pray on much younger women because of their own issues or bitterness and end up projecting on these 30s/40s women.

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"Oh but they're targeting me, it's not my fault!" ... well as far as I'm concerned you have enough agency to be selective and stay away from women full of issues if you want to. Or at least self esteem enough to know that you don't need to accept everyone that comes your way.

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I'm in my late 20s but I never understood this "there are not women in their 30s and 40s that are not angry and sour, damaged goods and attractive!" some men say . I know many women in this age group and most of them are well adjusted and attractive. And usually the men who make these generalisations about women who are not 20 years younger than them are men who are themselves damaged goods who pray on much younger women because of their own issues or bitterness and end up projecting on these 30s/40s women.

That's not quite what I said, though. What I said was:

 

I'm in a small, rural area, so there are very slim pickings of single women! And no offense to anyone, but I'm a muscular, fit guy, and the few women I've met that are single and anywhere close to my age are... well, not fit.

 

In my area, I would say that most women are married before they're 20 years old. The ones that aren't have usually moved away to a larger city for a better college, and they don't often come back. So you can easily eliminate 90% of the women just for being married.

 

I'm also in an economically repressed area, where most people eat fast food daily because it's cheap. This has led to major obesity. But heart disease and diabetes run in my family, so I've worked really hard my entire life to stay healthy and in shape; I do things like weightlifting, jogging, kayaking, hiking, and swimming at least 4 days a week. So it's not just a matter of not being attracted to larger women, it's an issue that we're not going to have a lot in common, and not enjoy the same activities.

 

And like most economically repressed areas, drugs are a huge problem here. I recently read that EMS workers respond to a drug overdose at least twice per day, and it's increased by 300% over the last 3 years! But I'm health conscious, which means no smoking, minimal drinking, limited sugar, and obviously no drugs.

 

Speaking of it being an economically repressed area, the women that I HAVE talked to that were obvious gold diggers were the ones in their 30s; divorced with children, making minimum wage at a manual labor job, and when they find out what kind of job I do you can just see their eyes light up with excitement :'-( So I'm not sure why people here seem to think that it's an exclusive trait for younger women.

 

And as I described before, of the women I've talked to that are closer to my age, most came from a very bad marriage (often abusive) that led them to being very angry and defensive. Which is perfectly justified, but being hateful and sour is not an attractive trait. So after a few days of talking and every conversation is negative or angry, I'm obviously going to lose interest.

 

But MOST of the women that I've talked to that are my age turn out to still be married, and are hoping to find a rich Prince Charming that will steal them away from their problems.

 

I'm not saying that ALL women are like this. I'm saying that (1) the ones I've met that are (2) within a reasonable distance from me and (3) have expressed interest in me have met one or more of those deal breakers.

 

As I said before, I'm on Tinder, Bumble, and OKC with an age differential of 18-45 and up to 100 miles away, and this is where I've met the majority of the single women that I've approached. But in almost every situation, after we've matched and made a decent connection, she's told me that she's "unhappily married".

 

So where do you suggest that I meet 35+ women that are single, within 100 miles of me, not angry and sour, not drug addicts or ex-cons, and physically fit?

 

 

"Oh but they're targeting me, it's not my fault!" ... well as far as I'm concerned you have enough agency to be selective and stay away from women full of issues if you want to. Or at least self esteem enough to know that you don't need to accept everyone that comes your way.

I also want to point out that, on these dating apps, I literally swipe right on EVERY profile, excluding the morbidly obese. After counting out the obvious scams, spam, catfish, and prostitutes, I have an average of about 1 real match per week. And I would say that 9 out of 10 of them are under 27 years old.

 

And I've been on exactly one date in the last 4 years, because I would say that I'm very selective. Literally dozens, if not hundreds of matches over the years, but after deleting the ones that are married, hateful, drug addicts or smokers, unable to hold a conversation, or turn out to be catfish, there's none left. I haven't met a single woman in person that I matched with online.

 

I think that some of the responses here have been interesting, though, and speak more to the person responding than to me.

 

@Liam98 mentioned that he refuses to date a woman with a child under 18. I'm on the opposite end of that; at my age I finally feel like I'm emotionally and financially ready for children, so I would prefer to date a woman that either has one or two small children, or wants to have one or two children. This isn't a deal breaker, but considering the dangers of a woman over 35 getting pregnant, this also leads me towards somewhat younger women. I see a huge advantage to dating a woman that already has children... I can judge in advance whether she's a good mother, which is very important to me.

 

For the most part, though, I simply want to date a woman that's intelligent, enjoys expanding her intelligence, is fun to talk to, has depth, minimal drama, and we enjoy similar activities... you know, a good intellectual, emotional, and physical connection with similar life goals. Age really isn't a concern to me, I would be just as happy whether the woman that's a good match is 45 or 20.

 

So I really don't understand why you guys have gotten so caught up on the age difference. It's infinitely more important to you than it is to me.

 

 

Now, as for the actual topic of the thread, I'm almost positive that if I were 20 years younger, these three women still wouldn't like to kiss.

 

I've done some reading, and on average, millennials are have less sexual interaction than previous generations:

 

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/aug/02/less-sex-please-were-millennials-study

 

and a very interesting response to it:

 

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/aug/03/millennials-dont-have-sex

 

This explains a few things:

 

1. If younger men are less expressive about their sexuality, then younger women that have sexual desires are less inclined to approach them, and more likely to approach a man that seems more sexually experienced.

 

2. That younger woman probably doesn't know how to kiss. So it's really not an issue of like or dislike, it's an issue of simply knowing how and being comfortable with it.

 

 

But there's another expansion; an "American Anthropologist" study found that 45% of people in North America did not consider kissing to be a common part of expressing love and affection:

 

https://www.medicaldaily.com/kissing-considered-gross-half-world-pros-and-cons-making-out-344824

 

So it's really not all that unusual for someone to not enjoy kissing. It doesn't mean that she's "broken" or "dysfunctional" as others in this thread have stated... almost half of the people in North America don't like to kiss.

 

I have my answer now, so I have no further interest in returning to this discussion. I appreciate the honest feedback from the very slim minority of responders (especially SGH), but I feel like the question now has an answer and I need no further input.

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