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Thread: How can I forgive him for disrespecting me?

  1. #1

    How can I forgive him for disrespecting me?

    Today my boyfriend and i were at the mall and he acted very disrespectful towards me. I had asked him what we were going to eat and he walked towards the shortest line and told me it was obvious that we would at the place with the shortest line. I could already tell from his voice that he was angry, but I wasn't to sure about what, so I said "what?". He turned around to me accused me of being deaf and needing to see a doctor. I asked him why he was being so mean to me so randomly, but he continued to say I was deaf and i was annoying using the word "what" all the time. People standing in line with us noticed so i walked away from him, refusing to let him drive me home. I was hurt and even though I walked out of the mall with my head high knowing I deserved to treated with more respect, I still cried after he left.

    He apologized a lot and sounded genuine, but for some reason I can't forgive him. In the beginning of our relationship when he argued with me he would text me insults and swear at me. It made me upset and confused because he would never say that stuff to my face. We worked through it because I didnt think much of it. But today it felt so real, he said it was because he was hungry/tired. I still can't find the heart to accept his apology. He is sweet and caring, but it was just so scary to see him like this.

    How can I forgive him for today?

  2. #2
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    You must always remember that people treat you the way you allow them to treat you. You show him now that you will NOT allow him to treat you with disrespect, insult you and swear at you, by ending the relationship. As long as you stay in this relationship, he will continue doing this to you ... because you allow him to. This is part of his make-up and will not change. Find someone who DOES show respect.

  3. #3
    Silver Member christwowheels's Avatar
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    I probably wouldn't have stayed in a relationship with someone who was texting me insults, so I have a hard time suggesting that you stay with someone like that.

    At the same time, you clearly love this guy. So if you want to be respected and continue this relationship, my best advice is to get yourselves into therapy. Your boyfriend clearly has anger issues that are coming from somewhere. Now we don't know where exactly, but we know he has outbursts, and maybe there's a way to deal with those issues and preserve the positive aspects of your relationship.

    Now there's a possibility he won't be willing to seek help, and if he isn't going to work on himself, you may need to then cut him loose as a wake-up call.

  4. #4
    We have been together for a year (thought I would add that in)

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  6. #5
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by loveandrespect
    We have been together for a year (thought I would add that in)
    I don't think that makes any difference. Insulting, disrespecting and swearing at you is still the same thing - be it one week or ten years. I know what I would do because I don't allow people to treat me that way.

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    U deserve better hun. Never let a man insult you even if its over something very stupid. It sounds like he's always been an ass hole to u and makes you unhappy. Maybe its time to rethink what you want in a healthy relationship. There are better guys that are respectful and mature. Even if you forgive him this time...it doesn't imply that he will stop.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    Agree with Haml. This isn't about forgiving him; it's about wanting more for yourself. I would walk away.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member greta96's Avatar
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    If he is like this after only a year of dating, can you imagine how he will be years down the road? He has anger management issues and is rude and disrespectful. Swearing at your significant other is never acceptable, why would you ever think it's ok? He exhibits every sign that he will become emotionally abusive and maybe even physically, every time he's tired, in a bad mood, or things don't go his way. Is this endearing to you?

    This kind of disrespect is not to be forgiven, you already put up with it for too long. Drop him now, if you want to have a chance to meet a better quality guy.

  10. #9
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    I'd leave this guy. As mentioned by some of the other posters here, if your guy is like this now, after only being together for year, can you imagine what he would be like years down the road?

    You deserve better. I'd bet that even if he begs for your forgiveness now, he'll continue to treat you this way. There's obviously a pattern here.

    Plus, it seems as though he's always apologizing to you for disrespecting you. It's one thing if he did it once and apologized, but if he continues to disrespect you and apologize, the apology loses meaning. What's the point of apologizing if he continues to do the same thing over and over?

    I'd move on if I were you. He's shown you his true colours. Walk away and don't look back.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member CeeLambrini's Avatar
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    There was absolutely no need for it. Swearing and insults are bad enough when an argument has escalated into the heat of the moment, but just randomly snapping at you in a food court isn't healthy by any means. He relies heavily on acting first, apologising later. Upsetting you enough to walk out of the mall alone won't be enough for him to 'learn his lesson', as he knows he can use you as a verbal punching bag and grovel later. Walk away for good - easier said than done, I know. I however, have a feeling you'll see even truer colours from him once you've ended the relationship - so that should make it a lot easier.

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