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Thread: Being called a very nasty insult by my partner - unsure whether to stay or leave

  1. #51
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    carly, you had a big fight and he called you a c**nt.

    You also seem intent on describing all his other qualities that you consider "abusive."

    When some posters voiced a different view, you're quick to once again describe all his qualities that would deem him an "abuser" in your view. Manipulating, gaslighting, etc.

    So, given how you feel, that you feel he's being mentally abusive, and an abuser then why don't you just end it?

    You don't need anyone's permission or to continue railing the guy to justfy leaving.

    Personally, given everything you wrote, over and above him calling you a c**t and "spastic" I might consider ending it.

    But it's not my call, or anyone else's, it's yours. He's your boyfriend, the one experiencing this.

    You don't like it, you deem it mental abuse, or just shytty behaviour, then get out!

    It's that simple.

    Again you don't need anyone's permission, or to continue berating him to justify it. It would appear you know exactly what's happening, the overall dysfunction, and what to do.

    I'm sorry you're going through this, best of luck moving forward.
    I actually completely agree with this

    You seem to know exactly what you think about him.

    Which would mean you were seeking validation and not clarification.

    Iím on the side of this being an incredibly grey situation that doesnt sound very healthy and the name calling is not good at all.

    But if you donít recognize your own quickness to anger and well dramatics you will chase away any normal men you meet and the only people who will accept it will be guys like this.

    Stick to your guns if you donít want to be with him after this you have every right and honestly reason, but that doesnít mean you should ignore your own communication skills.

    You were already in an abusive relationship bur didnt recognize his actions as wrong, it unfortunately happens, I think statistically abused individuals are more likely to be in another abusive relationship in their lifetime. That, to me, is a huge indication that whatever is broken in the individual isnít being fixed. Take a dating break give yourself a breather explore yourself heal your self and try to establish strong boundaries.

    I wish you luck.
    Last edited by figureitout23; 05-04-2019 at 12:26 PM.

  2. #52
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    I actually completely agree with this

    You seem to know exactly what you think about him.

    Which would mean you were seeking validation and not clarification.

    Iím on the side of this being an incredibly grey situation that doesnt sound very healthy and the name calling is not good at all.

    But if you donít recognize your own quickness to anger and well dramatics you will chase away any normal men you meet and the only people who will accept it will be guys like this.

    Stick to your guns if you donít want to be with him after this you have every right and honestly reason, but that doesnít mean you should ignore your own communication skills.

    You were already in an abusive relationship bur didnt recognize his actions as wrong, it unfortunately happens, I think statistically abused individuals are more likely to be in another abusive relationship in their lifetime. That, to me, is a huge indication that whatever is broken in the individual isnít being fixed. Take a dating break give yourself a breather explore yourself heal your self and try to establish strong boundaries.

    I wish you luck.
    I have to say some of the advice in this forum has been quite weird.

    Since breaking up with the man I posted about here, I've read Lundy Bancroft's book about abusive men "Why Does He Do that?" and immersed myself in studying trauma bonds, to try to understand what drove this relationship and stop it happening again.

    Figureitout123 - if you are going to give advice, maybe read the whole thread before posting, because what you wrote below shows zero insight into the situation:

    "But if you donít recognize your own quickness to anger and well dramatics you will chase away any normal men you meet and the only people who will accept it will be guys like this."


    Through my reading in the last couple of weeks, I've learned that a person does not attract abusive/abnormal men for being "too dramatic" and "too quick to anger". It's actually people who are too forgiving & easy going and those who have a difficult or abusive parent who are more likely to accept bad behaviour. The problem is NOT getting too angry & dramatic -- it's actually the opposite - not getting angry enough, to leave.

    This is also not about poor communication skills - I communicated my feelings with this guy until I was blue in the face. Made no difference what I said. The fact is, that words were useless in a situation like that.

    I have broken up with the person referred to in this thread, and don't require any more condescending, not very insightful advice (usually from men) or admonishments like the one above, on where I'm going wrong. I already know 100% where I went wrong - accepting poor behaviour & his excuses repeatedly until it escalated to name calling. If it were possible to close this thread, I would do that. Maybe a moderator can do it.

    Thank you to those posted kind messages and well wishes. I appreciate your empathy. I'm doing well & hope you are too!
    Last edited by carly1983; 05-05-2019 at 12:34 AM.

  3. #53
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    On the blue banner at the bottom of the page is "contact us". Simply email admin/mods and ask that the thread be closed. Also you can report any rude/disrespectful posts using the triangle icon under the posters screen name. You can also add any offensive posters to your ignore list..
    Originally Posted by carly1983
    I have to say some of the advice in this forum has been quite weird. If it were possible to close this thread, I would do that. Maybe a moderator can do it.

  4. #54
    Administrator kamurj's Avatar
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    Thread closed per OP request.

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