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Thread: Being called a very nasty insult by my partner - unsure whether to stay or leave

  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Carly, try and focus on positive versus negative, even these posts.

    The positive -- you made the best decision for you and that's all that matters!!
    Thank you all - I do appreciate the input. I wanted the challenges too, and the people who told me I was wrong so I could examine those in my head and come to the conclusion I'm not going to blame myself for failing to please him anymore.

  2. #32
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'm uncertain why meet your sister or visit if the relationship is not on solid ground. It also sounds like you were the one driving (OP). There's an element of lack of control being in the passenger seat if your boyfriend felt he didn't have a say in the matter. Both of you could have easily gone to a gas station or just off a dirt road and peed in the grass. I'm not sure I would have even wanted to visit family considering the tension in the car ride so I'm puzzled why you pulled up in the driveway at all. I'm not addressing the name calling because we have established for the most part that it is wrong but I do think the situation escalated pretty fast based on the decisions leading up to that instant.

  3. #33
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    Rose Mosse - I asked him if he would go, he said yes. When he saw the traffic and I said OK, let's not go, he said, no, let's go I need to pee.

    I agree it was a poor decision to even suggest it. We had just arranged I meet his remaining family members (I've met most of them) and I felt if I was going to do that, he should meet mine at some point. Some people on here seem to think I forced him. He said yes then flip flopped. When he got nervous, I thought he needed a bit of encouragment. I told him my family would like him.

    I felt I had to see it through once we started arguing - I was worried he would pee himself and was too panicked to think straight by that point. I turned back and then changed my mind. Yes I was driving. If you've ever been in a car with your beloved calling you a name like that and berating you while trying to navigate heavy traffic, you won't be thinking straight. Fury, panic and sadness, and the sinking realisation it was all going to be over at some point very soon.
    Last edited by carly1983; 04-23-2019 at 01:30 PM.

  4. #34
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    I've had enough of the endless criticism in this relationship with him. I've had 18 months of justification, explanation, defending myself and feeling not good enough against what I now know to be a verbally and emotionally abusive man. I've haven't told you the half of what's gone on.

    I'm not going to waste any more energy picking over every detail of what I might have done wrong to deserve such an attack in that situation or in other situations where he's screamed in my face and kicked/thrown my things, purposely humiliated me in front of his friends, told me I'm lazy/stupid etc, or that I was mentally ill. The truth is, I'm not perfect but no-one deserves that and if anyone on here thinks it's not abuse, it's probably because you're doing/have done that sort of thing to your loved ones and you have a guilty conscience yourself.

    I'm going over there tomorrow, picking up my stuff and letting him go. Thanks for the input all, most of all to the person who woke me up with the first reply, & see you around.
    Last edited by carly1983; 04-23-2019 at 01:32 PM.

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member JA0371's Avatar
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    I think the decision to end this is a good one however I would not go to his place alone make sure you have someone there with you preferably a guy in case things might turn physical .

  7. #36
    Platinum Member RainyCoast's Avatar
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    In a partner's mind, there should be a thick, bold line they'd never cross with their loved one, such as calling them a C. I don't give a hoot whether he classifies as an abuser according to people's personal definitions of the term. He isn't acting in ways that are conductive to this relationship or your wellbeing.

    So, he chooses not to see you because he chooses to drink then instead, "he will give up the bottle when you move in together", he invalidates your work and achievements, and he humiliates you, plus he's vulgar by default. What a catch!

    Yes, he wants a B&B and a personal chef, maid, financial aid, and his behavior would go from bad to worse once he trapped you with the lease.

    I can't believe people are going oh but you said this and did that and drove there and whatnot. Nothing justified his behavior that night, and the rest of his behavior is even more despicable.

    Carly, you are sick of a long list of things. Rightfully so. When you're uncomfortable, let alone afraid and simply put off, your experience of the person, that makes the relationship unsavory is reason enough to end it. You don't have to justify that to anyone anyway. You've come to the point where you can't deny you wish better for yourself, and it's a good thing.

    Don't talk to him again. Make sure any stuff that needs to be exchanged is exchanged in the presence of a third party of your choice, and in one go, don't agree to stretch out the ending. If I were you I'd get tested for STIs, regardless of if there's a likelihood of infidelity or not.

  8. #37
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    Thank you Rainycoast. I was giving a big old side eye to some of the stuff said on this thread, makes me wonder what on earth goes on in some peoples' home (oh he called you a c--t? - you must have pushed him too far! You're manipulative etc.)

    I'm not going over to get my stuff, I'm writing it off. Not worth it. The idiot has been dumped and blocked. He's been told why (i.e. verbal abuse.) I'm also moving at the end of the month which is convenient as he won't know where I am, but anyway he likes his drink too much to come drive over to my house of an evening to bother me. Sayonara, d---khead.
    Last edited by carly1983; 04-23-2019 at 05:36 PM.

  9. #38
    Platinum Member RainyCoast's Avatar
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    Great job! Please come back now and then to tell us how you're doing, you may go through ups and downs in the next few weeks still, talk here anytime you need to!

  10. #39
    Platinum Member superfan's Avatar
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    Ugh nope, nope, nope, nope.

    The second a partner uses a vile and misogynistic insult like the 'c' word, it's time to leave and don't look back.

    I don't care what happened there is NO excuse. It's abuse and it's not "just words".

    My husband and I have had tons of arguments but we have never ever resorted to that kind of name calling.

  11. #40
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    Your mind was made up the second you posted. I suppose you just wanted to vent, which is fine.

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